An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

My man is a bartender. He's a good one and meets lots of people; some of them quite nice. His latest bromance is a doll that I will call Jose. A 60ish gent, cute as can be, with a lovely smile. He's married to his business partner and it seems they are landscape architects to the extremely rich. I gather they do it for more of a hobby or art than anything else. They, at any given time, seem to own 5 or 6 homes. The one near the Boy Scout's work is a rather large "estate".....I know, I know....hoity toity right?  Jose was raised in Europe and Connecticut in what appears to be a very wealthy family. The family business still exists but someone else is running it. He was married at one time and had 3 middle aged children but now has a husband. All those are just details.  He is sweet and unassuming, asks questions, listens interestedly (that can be hard to find these days) and loves his 4 dogs tremendously. I like this guy a bunch. He and his husband are leavi...

Simple platform: Live and let live and protect those that need protection. Help the poor and downtrodden. Leave Social Security alone. We don't need to have a military that is larger than the next 7 countries COMBINED We don't need ANY automatic or semi-automatic guns in the public AT ALL. Legalize marijuana. Go after dirty drug companies for the deaths of thousand of Americans per year. Once and for all, recognize that Global Warming is happening and do our part. We cannot count on Big Industry or Big Banking to do the right thing. They will not. They need to be regulated. Companies are not people and should not be able to buy our politicans. That is all for now. Have a good day!

The older I get, the more I realize how very true this quote is. Who am I to doubt Socrates anyway, right? One of my favorite songs is my favorite because of the very first line. "The more you see, the less you know. The less you find out as you go. I knew much more then than I do now".  At 55, I am learning that wisdom is realizing how little you know and that wisdom is far greater than intelligence. Better late than never! Meanwhile.....HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

Both my babies are grown up.  How does it happen so fast? Spent the evening with this girl, which doesn't happen all that often even though she lives with me now. I am reminded just how much I love her company. And this pup, she has turned out to be one of the sweetest dogs I have ever owned. Eager to please, mild in temper and ready for a little fun. Today, like most days, I am reminded that I have much to be grateful for. My vertigo is fairly manageable these days, we have a roof over our heads, great neighbors and the holidays are coming. Woohooo! And then we got photobombed by the cutest little grumpy grumpmeister.

This was a post I made exactly 4 years ago today. After reading the Camus letter I decided to start blogging just to help me keep moving forward. It feels good to revisit because even though that was a very dark time of my life, deep down I knew I would eventually be OK.

My man has some good qualities. He's confident, outgoing, feels comfortable in his own skin, very loving and so patient with my fears. There are many other things I love about him but there are a few things that can be a little harder to love. He is sarcastic, can be confrontational at times, plays mind games when feeling attacked and often doesn't suffer fools well. The other day, when I got into the car, he relayed an encounter that he had had earlier that was a source of pride for him..... Paris - Puces de Vanves - Flea Market He's walking our Scruffy dog along State St in Santa Barbara. It's crowded, full of shoppers and the ever present homeless population. As he walks, he notices an old gal, kind of bent over and moving slow. He passes her and keeps on his merry way. The man and his dog approach a treasure trove of bags piled to the side of the walk way. Our curious pup goes in for a sniff. The old gal gruffly yells at him to keep his dog away. He has an ...

Dog park today and a moment of touching another soul. Saw a gal with a black mini poodle. She was like a nervous mom. Eventually I walked over and told her how my first dog love was a poodle and how much it looked like hers. Funny how poodles always look female to me. This one, Dice, was a little gift from heaven. The woman said she was going for a walk one day and spotted a dog in someone's backyard. She said hello and connected. She walked by, day after day, until she finally stopped herself, believing these poor people thought they must have a stalker. Meanwhile, she has told all her friends that she found her dog....it just lived with someone else. One day, she spots a dog running by the railroad tracks and recognized him. She nabs him and returns him to the owners house, at which point they thank her profusely and then proceed to ask her if she knew of anyone who wanted a dog. The next day, on her recently passed brothers birthday, she gets her dog. Or rather, Dice come...

Had a dinner party with the neighbors. It was pure love. They are all charming, intelligent and engaged. The man cooked chicken cacciatore that turned out fab, I made roasted green beans which is about my limit and our guests brought wine, salad, bread and dessert. We laughed and just enjoyed each others company. Most the time I cannot wait till guests go home, not so much this time. I had some left in me. The Boy Scout enjoys entertaining and I am the beneficiary. Life keeps getting better. Grateful.

Tea With The Dames. Could not wipe the smile off my face. 

A while back the Boy Scout and I went out to dinner with another couple. They were his good friends and have become my friends too. The couple, both lawyers, are intelligent and engaging. As we sat over dinner, the three of them talked about people they knew in common and how they were all doing. We got to a name I didn’t recognize  and they started discussing a young gal that the Boy Scout had once worked with.  I can’t remember how it was brought up but at some point our male friend mentioned that this young woman was the “Whole Package”.  I remember asking, thinking I hadn’t heard clearly, what he had said. No, they confirmed, she was the whole package. You know… I get that men don’t have to be feminists and I also get that the older guys don’t quite understand because society taught them how to behave and what to say but I have a few problems with this. Let’s not deal with the whole objectifying thing right now, but by sitting there at that table with two women w...

Perhaps I lack sophistication Maybe I am just a downhome kind of girl, or even a bit picky (but I don't think it is that). But I simply have to say, I tried and I just don't like sushi. The seaweed is chewy and bitter, the bites way too big and it grosses me out. Wrap that up in raw and you get..... Big Fat Yuck. That is all!

Have I ever mention that I loved being pregnant? My body seemed to be made for it. Not in the conventional ways… I had/have no boobs and no hips and was a little on the thin side but my body took to it like a fish to water. The only time I ever felt any real morning sickness was the six-month period I spent on oral contraceptives.  The first 12 weeks I was a bit tired and occasionally slightly nauseous but other than that, pretty breezy. All the rest the weeks, aside from the last two, were spent happily. My body was warm for the first time in my entire life, gone were my feet of  ice. I had energy and felt kind of pretty, as my face filled out and became less angular. Admittedly the last two weeks were uncomfortable but not nearly the way some of my friends experienced. I loved it, it fit me well. My first was breach and a C-section but the other three were natural. Afterward the births, these nearly non-existent boobs rose to the occasion. While my friends cried,...

I watch my daughter do the same things I did. I watch her think love means trying to fix. I see her risk herself and her possible future for something the man is fixated on Her empathy prods her to do things she really doesn't want to or shouldn't. I see her want her daddy back, he was once a good father. Instead she gets an addict who is wholly selfish. It puts space between us. Words are quieted...things get left unsaid. Secrets, spawned by shame, grow. It breaks my heart but all I can do is love and prove myself worthy of the the secrets.

The central question of a warriors training is not how we avoid uncertainty and fear, but how we relate to discomfort. How do we practice with difficulty, with our emotions, with the unpredictable encounters of an ordinary day? ~ Pema Chodron I love this quote. I am reading The Places That Scare You, by Pema Chodron. It has been helpful and very applicable for my life. I am not afraid to go outside, ride in a car or even of spiders and snakes. My fears are far more primal. I have deep fear of feeling out of control and of being deceived. Sometimes I have no idea that fear is what is controlling my behavior.  I eventually figure it out but, often times, it then requires the making of amends to the person or people involved. I have made great headway but the awareness puts the spotlight on something that I was once blissfully ignorant of. That means some good hard work, learning to trust myself, dropping expectations of others and having compassion for the tender ...

Tomorrow I will go to my audiologist to have a hearing check and a hearing aid adjustment. I am two minds about this visit. I am grateful. Grateful that I can afford to hear. Very few insurance policies cover the ability to hear. Whether that be hearing aids or Cochlear Implants, it is basically a cash based business. Almost as if it was boob job or a face lift. Why, in this day and age, would some people have to chose between rent or gasoline and hearing? My hearing aids cost $2700.00 A PIECE! My loss is A-typical so the average Costco type product is not helpful to me. Can you believe that something so TINY could cost that? In a day and age when an IPhone has 4 processor cores and processes at 2.34 GHz costs about $700.00. Do you know how easy it is to lose a tiny little flesh colored tear drop shaped button? I have not lost one yet but I have had a number of very manic searches. The other is nervousness. I have a distinct feeling that the results of the test will not be a goo...

This is a photo captured as the President of the United States of America mocked a sexual assault victim even after claiming her to be a credible witness. You, sir, are the reason sexual assault victims do not come forward. You are a coward, an ignorant bully and, worst of all, a self admitted PERPETRATOR. You, who has no sense of right or wrong, will still be able to grab a few pussys but, one day, you will grab the wrong pussy and that gorgeous pussy will help put you behind bars where you belong. Until that day, women will continue to speak out in outrage and sisterhood. Contrary to your feeble minded, self absorbed belief system, WE DO THINK! And even better, we mobilize and....wait for it......we VOTE . Ps. As will our sons. We have taught them well. They, too, believe in honesty, dignity AND the right of women everywhere to live free from fear of men like you.

One of the more moving memorials that we went to during our visit to the Normandy area was the Memorial des reporters de Bayeux. In this rather stark garden setting are lists of the more than 2,000 journalists killed in the line of duty around the world since 1944.   It was heartbreaking to see each year summarized on cold marble, the lives taken, in one way or another, while attempting to do their job.  Starting out, there were very few names. But the names grew exponentially as civil wars, regime takeovers, war in Korea etc.  This memorial is even more poignant at a time when the rhetoric  being spewed by some world leaders makes the lives of journalists everywhere  more precarious than they already are. One may only taste freedom when others around us are free ~Beauvoir

“All the love, all the dead, all the people we've known. They are the rivers that feed our sea of souls. If we refuse to remember them, that sea will dry up too.”  ―  Nina George ,  The Little Paris Bookshop I like the idea that even the people that have let me down have helped to make me who I am. Learning to  forgive them for their failures and mistakes and find the things in our interactions that have caused me to grow and mature, allow me to  be gentle with my own failures and recognize my true worth. It's a daily practice and also allows me to walk through this life more peaceable. I'll take it.