An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

Don't even know what to say with what is happening. It hurts so much and yet I realize my pain is miniscule in comparison to so many in this country. The following is from a Facebook post by Shola Richards that touched my heart and opened my eyes a bit more, which is always a good thing. 1) Having white privilege doesn’t mean that your life isn’t difficult, it simply means that your skin color isn’t one of the things contributing to your life difficulties. Case in point, if it never crossed your mind that you could have the cops called on you (or worse, killed) for simply bird watching then know that is a privilege that many black/brown people (myself included) don’t currently enjoy. 2) Responding to “Black Lives Matter” by saying “All Lives Matter” is insensitive, tone-deaf and dumb. All lives can’t matter until black lives matter. 3) Racism is very real, and please don’t delude yourself into thinking it’s limited to the fringes of the hardcore MAGA crowd. As Amy Cooper proved, it

A black man takes to his knee to bring awareness and find solidarity with his brothers and sisters who are being killed by the people in power. He was dismissed as entitled, mocked, shamed, his patriotism questioned and even the president was quoted saying, "You have to stand proudly for the national anthem or you shouldn't be playing, you shouldn't be there, maybe you shouldn't be in the country". Who decided that? Who, in this country where we have incredible freedoms such as saying anything, be it truth or lie, we want on social media with little to no repercussion, decided that we must stand to prove our patriotism?  As black lives continued to be snuffed out and much of white America prove themselves deaf to cries of mothers losing their children, of fathers realizing they've already uttered their last words to their offspring, or brothers hearing their keeper of secrets and collective memories cry out in pain for their mama, the people are fighting back.

This may be a silly post to you. I am not sure because I only have my perspective and I think it may be slightly warped. Today, I heard a the name of a french composer referenced in something I was reading. So, being me, I quickly Youtubed him and got this: The music started and I reached out to turn it off. It was sad. I don't understand or tolerate sad music very well. I never have. Being sad, like being hurt or abandoned, scares me. I am learning not to put value on feelings. That they are all meant to be felt. So I listened and paid attention to the ache, where it was in my body, what the sensation was like. My boy scout loves Jackson Browne and Van Morrison. I've never got it. Why does anyone WANT to be sad? I guess maybe there's a lot of people who are not scared of sadness, or maybe need to relate to it. Either way, this is a lovely, sorrowful piece of music. I wish I could remember which of my blogger buddies posted a piano piece (done by the composer, I think) set

Do you feel comfortable in your own skin? I have not, ever. I can remember the feeling of discomfort and of "not belonging" even very tiny (perhaps diaper or just post diaper age). I cannot tell you why. I am not blaming a living soul. My parents loved me the best way they knew how. It was something inside; it was deep and wide. At 56, as I heal and work on self love and staying in the now, I start to feel the easing of this discomfort. I start to sit in a group and not feel like I got there quite by accident.  Now I am starting to focus on connection and have come to the conclusion that connection and self love go hand in hand. As long as I don't like myself, value who I am, real connection will elude me. That's my hypothesis and, by god, I see it playing out. As I start to treat myself with loving tenderness, either others are sensing it or I am allowing them to draw near. What a lovely gift. I am going on a hike with a friend. It feels slightly odd to me but I am n

5 years ago, when life as I knew it changed and my brain controlled me instead the other way around, I started a mantra that I would say over and over again just to shut my thoughts up. They were so very dark, I was unable focus on the good. I said......... ~My heart is full of love for my family. I will care for them and myself to the best of my ability. God is in control and all is well~ I still say it once in awhile but not too often because now it is body knowledge, wired deep within my soul.

Yesterday was Mother's Day. With my youngest still home but the others spread out over 3 states I knew it would be a quiet one. I had a lovely beach walk with my girl and then came home and took a long nap. My girl and I made some little clay animals that I picked up at the checkout at the drug store. The Boy Scout made my favorite meal, Corned Beef and Cabbage, and the three of us had dinner together. Delicious and very enjoyable. I need for nothing; therefore, I asked each kid to write a special memory to share with me. Instead of that, I received 4 lovely, very personal letters of love and appreciation. Honest and sweet. I shed the kind of tears that bring with them, not only a squeezing of the breath, but also a cleansing and reassurance that is welcomed like an old friend. Best Mother's Day ever!

I've had a hard time coming up with blog topics, as you may have noticed. Therefore, I think I'll go back to my grateful practice, filling in my blank blog days with gratitude. So..... WORD FOR THE DAY Grateful living helps us to unleash our most generous selves as we practice taking nothing and no one for granted. KRISTI NELSON Love this quote and how very true. I can go around thinking negative thoughts (which was my default for many years) or I can work at changing that into gratefulness, which changes everything. What I know for sure is that I am happier....much, much happier. We have neighbors, on this rather tight knit street of ours, that are unique, different. I could sit and gossip, dish up goodies here (as I am so tempted to do) and tell you things you learn about your neighbors that you'd rather not know, but that's not how I am living these days. Anyways, I could focus on the negative...there are a few, or I could focus on what I really like a