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Return The Kindness

My #3 child is still working abroad. She and her partner live in England somewhere near Manchester. The company she works for is an Oregon based company that provides medical and dental insurance for the citizens of this and 3 other states. When she started at this company about 6 years ago she worked with an older gent who left within the first year of her employment. They did not have a ton of interaction but they were on friendly terms. The other day, quite out of the blue, my daughter received an email from this person. They reached out, wishing her well, and letting her know how very sorry he is for how the LGBTQIA+ community is being treated by the current government. Letting her know he is on her side.  I think we are going to need to do a lot of that from this point on. For the brown skinned people in our communities, who must be living in fear, for the LGBTQIA+ community, who has no idea what is in store for them in regards to passports, bathrooms, their names, their posit...
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Big Plans

  Isn’t it odd how we end our teen years and start our adult lives thinking we have to plan things out, plotting our futures using either the excellent tools our parents supplied us with or the complete for-shit set of tools we acquired because they themselves didn’t have any to begin with.  Off we go with dreams of how it “our lives” will turn out with the ever so careful choices we made. At some point comes the awareness that it really didn’t matter, those choices we made, because, in reality, we were never driving the bus. And some of us, we didn’t even get a seat. We were hanging on to the bumper wondering if we were going to have the strength to keep holding on.  Finally, if we’re lucky, we get off, we let go. But it hurts to let go, to surrender, to realize that our choices really don’t drive, affect maybe, but not drive.  There’s an ache and so much damn fear that comes with the letting go. Perhaps because all the energy we put into hanging on to the bumpe...
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A Journey To Home

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My tender hearted girl decided she wanted to foster an old lady. Selkie is 14, is nearly deaf and nearly blind, has a hard time walking and uses her bark to get her needs met.  She got her home, took her for a bath and then basically loved this old girl for three weeks until the property manager decided that it wasn’t a good match (barking too much AND because she is a pit bull).  My girl knew it was probably temporary but she gave that dog a comfortable loving home, away from the chaos of the shelter, for a short time.  Ideally, she would have walked her home but that’s not how it worked this time.  Last night she stood and ugly cried on a strangers shoulder after giving her back.  I love that girl and her sweet heart.  I wish Selkie a new final home full of love. 
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Baby Fever

The other day one of the ladies I meet with weekly cancelled with little notice. She was given the opportunity to spend some time with a new grand baby. The baby’s parents had recently reconnected after an extended estrangement.  I told her how very happy I was for her to have to time, to not worry about the cancellation and hoped she stayed present and enjoyed every moment.  She sweetly thanked me, faltered in her speech for a moment, and then expressed to me how sorry she was that I don’t have any grandchildren yet and that she hopes that changes someday. I would be lying if I told you it didn’t feel a little achey but, truthfully, I’m a very happy camper. I truly appreciated her kindness but I can spread my love other ways and I can always hope for the future.  Living in the moment, focusing on what is good (and there is a ton of it) accepting what is….it’s a great way to live.  Happiest of Sundays. 
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Catching Up

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 I know it's been awhile for me. Life has taken its turns and twists. I am rolling with it, living in the moment, breathing with purpose, journaling to get to know myself and accepting what is. It is amazing that all I had to do was give up the battle, stop being a victim and find the beauty. A while back I mentioned that I had a new interest in poetry. For most of my life I honestly didn't see the point of it but now it has taken on new meaning. I am finding some old poets that are lovely and solid and new ones that are irreverent and speak to my heart. I definitely have to pick and choose. There are many I simply don't understand but, in general, I am enjoying the trip. In addition to that, I have found that for the first time ever, Jazz speaks to my soul and my soul says YES. Imagine that? I couldn't have given one whit about it previously, quite the opposite. I would turn it off faster than you could say "Round Midnight".  Such fun! The Boy Scout graduated...
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Take What You Can Get

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Her mind was made up before I had a chance to affect a change. Once determined, mountains would move before she would switch the object of her affection. She was mine but only in some obscure idea that one of her favorite people purchased her for another of her favorite people. But those people are only there to fill the time and space that has been vacated by her one and only. I gave her food. He took her to the dog park. I gave her snacks to help teach her. He gave her the "STICK OF DOMINANCE". I tried to train her, make her behave. He thought it was funny. I payed for her vet bills. He tells he she will be ok and that she is the bestest ever. I throw the ball. I pet, groom, baby talk, bathe. He gets her absolute unconditional love. ah well....I will settle for the dog scraps.
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Go!

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 Vai. E, se der medo, vai con medo mesmo. When one is raised in an angry family, it’s not enough to say I don’t want to be angry. You must learn how to do it differently. That’s no easy task. If judgment and self hatred became a way of life, a new way to live has to be taught. There are many ways to do it. Reading, writing, sharing, practicing all help the change. Counseling, psychoanalysis, religion, meditation, gratitude, have the ability to transform but I needed to see it in action, it needed to be more tangible, visual, accessible. I needed to understand the possibilities. There is a YouTube channel that I watch over and over again in order to absorb how to live more fully, more open and from the heart. One of the first episodes that I stumbled on is this…. The channel is Reflections of Life and through it we get to meet people who are doing life a little differently, often more soul based. People who are living life, healing wounds and finding what is truly important.  I...
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