Monday, December 3, 2018

Caution: Breakable


The heart that breaks open can contain the whole universe.

There are times we do all that we can to avoid emotional or physical pain. But big growth often comes from those broken places. 

I wish that the horrible and devastating events that happened to my family had never happened. I was lucky enough to have a great support system and an urgent desire to not be angry the rest of my life. I would not think of reverting back to the old me. The new and improved model loves more freely, fears less, has a larger capacity for empathy, is less moody and is taking responsibility for feelings, good or bad. I like her a ton more. Plus I gained a Boy Scout.

ps. Arm is healing and I am learning to do loads of things one handed. Thanks for the good cheer♥

Thursday, November 29, 2018

be back soon

Adjusting to life one handed and on the mend.  No surgery so I'm a happy girl. Cannot type worth crap so I think Ill take a bit of a break from blogging and stick to reading yours. Have a great Thursday

Sunday, November 25, 2018

It's OK Not To Know

The melancholy that has settled in during the holidays for the last 5 or 6 years has descended like a light mist. It’s become a bit of an old friend I suppose. I’ve decided not to fight it overly much. 

My boy left for the Bay Area after a few days visit, I’ll see him in another month. How are we supposed to get used to saying goodbye? 

The Joy that once filled my heart when putting up Christmas lights the day after Thanksgiving is muted & somewhat jagged. Perhaps it’s partially because of a dream put away or maybe a bit because thanksgiving wasn’t really an easy holiday this year. Don’t get me wrong the food was good and it was great to see the people I love but it was complicated. Complicated by my wrist being broken and by a relationship in transition. I’m growing… my soul is maturing, healing and part of me just wonders if I’m where I’m supposed to be. I don’t have to have the answers now, it’s OK. But I kind of wish I did.

This is just today. Tomorrow will be better.

Tuesday, November 20, 2018


Guess who just got out of peeling potatoes?

Putting up some outdoor lights when a horrible little shrub of unknown nature accosted me in a most vicious way. I fought valiantly but, alas, the shrub won and vanquished me from my perch (ladder).

I thought to myself ROLL except I was a few milliseconds too late as I was already horizontal with one arm beneath me making an odd left turn. While I’m in pain, it could have been much worse. I find out Tuesday wether I will need surgery or not. 

Monday, November 19, 2018

Taking a Little Control

I've taken to Twitter and am enjoying myself.

I've blocked everyone I know and am using it as a platform to say exactly what I think about politics and the political situation that our country is in at the moment. I don't want to argue with anyone. I don't want to debate. I pipe in whenever my heart desires. I encourage and express outrage and, in doing so, feel a little more peace or control.

When I was still married, I felt crazy. Addicts and alcoholics are good at making their loved ones feel crazy. They say and do anything to justify what they are doing even if it makes no sense at all. This president of ours makes me feel much the same. Leaving me scratching my head, thinking, "Did he just say what I think he did?" or "Does he really believe any of us think that is the truth?".

In the chaos and insanity, I get to state my truths of the day even if just to myself:

  • The free press is not the enemy of the people
  • Paradise not Pleasure
  • Raking the "floor" of 33 million acres of forest 
  • Pussy Grabber
  • You did know Whitakers opinion on Mueller
  • McRaven served our country in the highest capacity and deserves our respect
  • John McCain was a better man than most
  • The White House belongs to the people
  • Your tax returns ARE our business (This country should know who you are in bed with)
  • There is NOTHING good about a nazi or white supremacist. There were NOT good people on both sides.
  • A probe that gets 32 people and 3 companies indicted or entering guilty pleas cannot be called a witch hunt
If you don't agree, that's ok. It's my Twitter and it's my blog.

Monday, November 12, 2018

Sphere of Influence

Last night my man was at work when a young couple with a little girl came in sometime near closing at 9:00. They sat at the bar.......

"They sat at the bar" could be the start of a good joke but this is no joke at all. The man ordered a double brandy and the woman, a vodka. I don't think he said what the little girl got. The man was LOUD and for my man, who is loud, to say someone is loud means they were probably obnoxiously loud. They finished their drinks and the gent ordered another. The woman loudly said, "NO", but he got his 2nd when she decided she needed her second. A bit later she ordered shots and the little girl sat. 

Eventually, the couple was asked to leave, at which point they asked the Boy Scout where the nearest bar was. They were off to drink some more; little girl in tow.

My only hope is that there is someone in this little girl's life that is loving and caring. Studies clearly show that children who survive and do OK in the face of dysfunction, addiction and abuse in their upbringing almost always have a person of deep influence that tells them they have value and encourages them that there is another way to live that does not resemble their household.

I hope to heaven she does.

ps With my whole heart, I believe in the caring of a fantastic teacher, the unconditional love of a grandparent, the nurturing from a neighbor and the ability to have a positive influence on a neglected child's life.

Friday, November 9, 2018

Stand Up And Be Accounted For

Went to a protest last night. I really enjoyed it; we made plans for the next one. There was a great sense of camaraderie as we held up our signs, waved to the drivers and passers by. NO ONE IS ABOVE THE LAW was the theme of the night. Not angry. Not vindictive. Just a fact. NO ONE is above the law....even if they think they are the law.

According to a Vox article dated 10/10/18:

Special counsel Robert Mueller’s team has indicted or gotten guilty pleas from 32 people and three companies — that we know of.
That group is composed of four former Trump advisers, 26 Russian nationals, three Russian companies, one California man, and one London-based lawyer. Six of these people (including now all four former Trump aides) have pleaded guilty.
I am not sure how one could still be calling this a witch hunt and yet they do.