Saturday, October 20, 2018


Dog park today and a moment of touching another soul.

Saw a gal with a black mini poodle. She was like a nervous mom. Eventually I walked over and told her how my first dog love was a poodle and how much it looked like hers. Funny how poodles always look female to me. This one, Dice, was a little gift from heaven.

Maura said she was going for a walk one day and spotted a dog in someone's backyard. She said hello and connected. She walked by, day after day, until she finally stopped herself, believing these poor people thought they must have a stalker. Meanwhile, she has told all her friends that she found her just lived with someone else. One day, she spots a dog running by the railroad tracks and recognized him. She nabs him and returns him to the owners house, at which point they thank her profusely and then proceed to ask her if she knew of anyone who wanted a dog.

The next day, on her recently passed brothers birthday, she gets her dog. Or rather, Dice comes home.

I said it was meant to be and then I told her how my little gargoyle was also a gift and how, when my family fell to pieces and I tried to be strong and keep it together, I could go in my room, close my door and fall apart with Sophie by my side. She didn't care if I cried, or yelled, or even if I didn't bathe for a few days. She loved me with no strings attached (except for the bowl of food).

Where would we be without the love of our four footed friends?

Thursday, October 18, 2018

Wait For It.....

Had a dinner party with the neighbors. It was pure love. They are all charming, intelligent and engaged. The man cooked chicken cacciatore that turned out fab, I made roasted green beans which is about my limit and our guests brought wine, salad, bread and dessert.

We laughed and just enjoyed each others company. Most the time I cannot wait till guests go home, not so much this time. I had some left in me.

The Boy Scout enjoys entertaining and I am the beneficiary. Life keeps getting better. Grateful.

Wednesday, October 17, 2018

Saturday, October 13, 2018


A while back the Boy Scout and I went out to dinner with another couple. They were his good friends and have become my friends too. The couple, both lawyers, are intelligent and engaging.

As we sat over dinner, the three of them talked about people they knew in common and how they were all doing. We got to a name I didn’t recognize  and they started discussing a young gal that the Boy Scout had once worked with.  I can’t remember how it was brought up but at some point our male friend mentioned that this young woman was the “Whole Package”.  I remember asking, thinking I hadn’t heard clearly, what he had said. No, they confirmed, she was the whole package.

You know… I get that men don’t have to be feminists and I also get that the older guys don’t quite understand because society taught them how to behave and what to say but I have a few problems with this. Let’s not deal with the whole objectifying thing right now, but by sitting there at that table with two women whom they love and love them, and mentioning that the other woman was the “whole package”, it’s easy to infer that we were NOT the “whole package”.  Now granted this girl did have a few things on us… She’s probably 20 years younger  (Something that time will cure), and cute as a button (the adorable little nose supplied by a medical professional helped in that area), has a knock out figure (again with more than a little help) and a great job (of which I give her all the credit). Be that as it may, why do men feel so free to talk like that?  I would never dream to sit there and say wistfully to my friend (with or without the men sitting right there), “Now there’s a REAL man. He’s got it all.”

Over sensitive? Perhaps but I’m ok with it.

I am the “whole package”.  I am here, I love, I care about the human condition, I work my ass off… I am the WHOLE PACKAGE. 

Thursday, October 11, 2018

No, Just No

Perhaps I lack sophistication Maybe I am just a downhome kind of girl, or even a bit picky (but I don't think it is that).

But I simply have to say, I tried and I just don't like sushi.

The seaweed is chewy and bitter, the bites way too big and it grosses me out. Wrap that up in raw and you get..... Big Fat Yuck.

That is all!

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Days Gone By

Have I ever mention that I loved being pregnant?

My body seemed to be made for it. Not in the conventional ways… I had/have no boobs and no hips and was a little on the thin side but my body took to it like a fish to water. The only time I ever felt any real morning sickness was the six-month period I spent on oral contraceptives. 

The first 12 weeks I was a bit tired and occasionally slightly nauseous but other than that, pretty breezy. All the rest the weeks, aside from the last two, were spent happily. My body was warm for the first time in my entire life, gone were my feet of  ice. I had energy and felt kind of pretty, as my face filled out and became less angular. Admittedly the last two weeks were uncomfortable but not nearly the way some of my friends experienced. I loved it, it fit me well.

My first was breach and a C-section but the other three were natural. Afterward the births, these nearly non-existent boobs rose to the occasion. While my friends cried, cracked, dried up and gave up, my body basically said, “This is great, now start eating”. I could not consume enough calories to offset the nursing. I weighed less than pre pregnancy weight within 4 weeks

I wish I had been that natural at parenting. Not quite as much, but I did the best I knew how. I have learned much since then. I am going to be a GREAT grandma someday.

Monday, October 8, 2018


I watch my daughter do the same things I did.

I watch her think love means trying to fix.

I see her risk herself and her possible future for something the man is fixated on

Her empathy prods her to do things she really doesn't want to or shouldn't.

I see her want her daddy back, he was once a good father. Instead she gets an addict who is wholly selfish.

It puts space between us. Words are quieted...things get left unsaid. Secrets, spawned by shame, grow.

It breaks my heart but all I can do is love and prove myself worthy of the the secrets.