Friday, February 23, 2018

Right Now, Today

My inside self is outside of time and space. It doesn't have an age. I'm every age I've ever been, and so are you.
~Anne Lamott

Isn't that the truth? Like in the David Whyte poem I posted the other day, we are still those people we were when we were 10, 25 or 49.

What was your favorite time of life? When did you feel most yourself, full, rich and settled?

At first, I would say it was when I was a young mom. I loved that time....the caring, the being needed, working hard at being a good parent and the gorgeous, unconditional love of a young child. But on second thought I realized it is right now. RIGHT NOW. 

Yes, the body doesn't quite work as well and the lovely skin of my youth is now softer, thinner and graced with lines of laughter, longing, heartache and love but now is where I truly belong. Otherwise I am either living in the past, which is gone, or waiting for the future, which never really comes.

Loving freer and caring deeper than ever before. My favorite time is now.

Thursday, February 22, 2018

Too Cold To Golf

Yesterday was our weekend now that the Boy Scout has a job bartending (which is a subject for another blog post). We spent a wonderful day in downtown Los Angeles. It was nice just being together and enjoying the sights and sounds. I love how each section has a very distinct feel.

We had lunch in a restaurant called Petit Trois, which is a tiny hole in the wall with fabulous food with a french flair.

We sat at the counter and watched everything being prepared. It was crowded and bustling but the head chef watched over everyone, making sure it was up to his standards. He stepped in when needed and looked over every dish before being served. I enjoyed watching the culinary dance.

While looking on I noticed the head chef's arms. There were burns, bumps and tattoos, then suddenly he pulled up his sleeves and revealed the evidence of old cutting. The top of his forearms showed the scarring of repeated cuts. Nothing fresh. How I would have loved to hear his story. Who he was...who he is. I hope that he is on the road to peace and that he is being loved and valued for the person he is.

Sunday, February 18, 2018

Can You See Me

To my women friends who are of a certain age...thought it was beautiful and thought of you (especially you, Birdie and Lolly )

Mid life woman
you are not
invisible to me.
I seem to see
beneath your face
all the women
you have ever been.

Midlife woman
I have grown with you
in another parallel,
breathing with you
as you breathed,
seeing with you
as you see,
lining my face
with an earned care
as you lined yours,
waiting for you,
as it seems
you waited for me.

I see your
inner complexion
breathing beneath
your outward gaze,
I see all your lives
and all your loves,
it must be for you
that I wanted to become
more generous,
a better man
than ever I could be
when young,
let me join all your
present giving
and all your receiving,

through you I learn
the full imagination
of every previous affection.

Mid life woman
you are not
invisible to me,
in you
I see a young girl,
lifting her face to the sky,
I see the young woman
in haloed light,
full and strong,
standing before
the altar of time,
waiting for her chosen.

I see the mother in you,
in your past
or in some yet
to be understood
I see you
adoring and
I see you adored,
and now,
when I call your name
I want to see
day by day,
the woman
you will become
with me.

Mid-life woman
come to me now,
I see you more clearly
than all
the airbrushed
girls of the world.

I became a warrior
only to earn
your present
mature affection,
I bear my scars to you,
my eyes are lined
to smile with you
and I come to you
and unshaven
walking rough
and wild through rain
and wind and I pace
the mountain
all night
in my happy,
at finding you.

Mid life woman,
In the dark of the night
I take you in my arms
and in that embracing
invisibility feel all of your
inner lives made touchable
and visible again.

Mid-life woman
I have earned
my ability to adore you.

Mid life woman
you are not invisible to me.
Come to me now
and let me kiss passionately
all the beautiful women
who have
ever lived in you.

My promise
is to you now
and all their future lives.

Twenty Poems of Requited and Unrequited Love’
© David Whyte and Many Rivers Press

Woman Facing Storm
Photo © David Whyte
Pacific Northwest
October 2015

Friday, February 16, 2018

Getting Older

Our group health insurance pisses me off!

I am 54 and exercise regularly, take care of myself pretty darn good, rarely drink and have never smoked.  My co-worker is 48, rarely exercises, smokes up a friggin storm and drinks like a damn fish.  My monthly premium is $200.00 more than his.  To top it all is 793.00 per month with a....WAIT FOR IT.....$3,000.00 deductible. Most the time, I don't even come close to meeting it. How asinine is that? Nearly $10,000.00 a year just in case I get sick.

Still I am grateful for having it just in case, but I say that begrudgingly.

That's all I have to say about that.

Thursday, February 15, 2018

This Moment Here and Now

When I was a little girl I used have this fear that I would blink and suddenly I would be old.

It kinda happened. I blinked and here I am, wrinkled skin and all. How? I just can't say.
I have had much joy but I also have so many regrets and yet to regret means to not live in the present, doesn't it?

I want to embrace today....everyday.

So here this little office that I spend so much time in...working and sometimes not doing too much work.....I am grateful that you have kept me warm. You have allowed special people to walk by your doorway every day. You've introduced me to the most interesting souls. Smiles and grunts and casual waves have run past you like quick, small snippets of film. But they are my snippets, my people, my life.  I've enjoyed being here inside and now that I know you are soon going to become a part of my past,  I will commit to memory as best I can the good times, the sharing of secrets and the healing that took place in this room.

Time keeps moving....I'll stay in the present and I’ll be taking care of business.

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Feeling Fine

Steve at Shadows and Light talked about a massage yesterday and that reminded me of an adventure, for lack of a better word, that the Boy Scout and I had.

We had golfed all day and I had a sore neck. I mentioned I knew a good little massage place that was open until 9:00pm. Finding it closed down for good, we searched for another. The place we found was not fancy by any means but, what the heck, we took a chance.

I went in first. Neck and back felt nice. She gets to work on my calves and then thighs, then started working her way up. It was not until then it occurred to me that this might not be what I thought it was. Girl was getting way to close to (ahem) the lady bits. Yuppers, I definitely was getting uncomfortable. Using body language, I let her know that was quite enough. Eventually, she had me sit up and worked on my shoulders. Then she did a sort of movement that started at my shoulders and worked her way down the sides of my a rather sensual way. At that point she said, "You got beautiful body". I said thanks and hopped off the table. I'm well beyond the prude I once was.

Honestly, my sore neck was feeling pretty good and, mostly, I was wondering what was going on in the next room where my Boy Scout was.

To this day he admits to nothing

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Dancin Fool

Rain!  We had rain last night!

You may sit there and think I am crazy but it is so rare that we get rain that I do believe I should have gone out to do a rain the middle of the keep it coming.

Ok, well I guess not but I am GRATEFUL. It wasn't much judging by my pair of work boots I accidentally left out but, all the same, I'll take it.

Hope your Tuesday is spectacular!!!