An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

Doctors report in and I have high cholesterol! Wow! Over the years I have had a pretty healthy lifestyle and, if I am honest with you, my first instinct was to blame the Boy Scout for the results. Things have changed drastically since I met this man. Mostly for the good but not entirely. Since we met, life has become much more sedentary and far more calorie intensive. He had his first knee replacement a month after we had our first date. The second came six months later and then, to top it off, the rotator cuff two months after that. That didn't make for a lot of long jaunts in exotic cities. During his recovery time I stayed fairly active even though he could not. Slowly, with lack of sleep and a lot of golfing, I allowed my health to take a back seat to other things....easier things...perhaps more fun things. Lots and lots of eating out. The man likes "good" food and "good" drinks and, to be honest, just don't care all that much as long as I am not hu...

Privilege: a right, immunity or benefit enjoyed only by a person beyond the advantages of some or most. When growing as a person, it seems important to take note of the extras I have in my life that are not afforded to many others. This, of course, includes the basics of food, water and shelter but beyond that there is so much more. Being a white, upper middle income woman affords me what many in this country do not have. There is responsibility to not only be grateful for but to recognize the advantages are so abundant that they add the duty of action on my part. To speak out, help out and love. My grateful list today: to love and be loved by someone good relationships with my kids faith access to healthcare knowing my kids will not be targeting because of how they look the ability to help my loved ones over life's hurdles a car that is reliable and the ability to repair it the honor of being able to help the hungry or homeless a home that is warm and relatively ...

Superficial concerned with or comprehending only what's on the surface existing or occurring at or on the surface appearing to be real or true only to examine more closely not thorough, deep or complete This gal would be MOST men's dream. I can hear other men saying to themselves, "Isn't he a lucky sap". But this particular gal is a perfect example of being only skin deep. She felt the need to Snapchat a picture of a 70 year old woman from her gym. The woman happened to be changing and was unaware that the picture was being taken. The caption read, "If I can't unsee this then you can't either". Even after being charged with invasion of privacy and pleading no contest, she was quoted as saying: “It’s taught me a lot about privacy,” she said earlier this month. “I’ve lost a lot of that myself as well. We’ve had a lot of paparazzi involved in my family life. I had my privacy taken away after I took someone else’s.” She still was fo...

If you know me, you know I love foreign film. I also enjoy foreign TV shows. When my marriage first fell apart I started watching a Danish show on Netflix called Rita and quickly fell in love. About that time I met the Boy Scout and started really living life. TV kind of fell by the wayside as we were busy having a good time and getting to know each other. Now that the honeymoon is over we've settled down and have started watching a little more TV. We have binge watched Mad Men, The Crown, Shetland, The Walking Dead, etc. etc. I finally talked him into watching Rita and I remembered why I loved it in the first place. It’s a different way of life in Denmark and so much fun. The show has great characters that you can’t help but like or dislike a little. Rita is a rebel, rough around the edges but a fabulous teacher who loves and advocates for her students. In addition to that she’s a mom, not a Leave It To Beaver mom but a mom like me with lots of failings and insecurities. There ...

My sleeping patterns are changing and I've been going to the office a little later on many days. Lately, when I turn the corner off the main drag, the cold shelter is just closing up for the day even though the sun has not risen. It's patrons, which seem to consist of our more stable homeless population, are bundled up and heading out for who knows where. Most of this group look a lot like you and me. I can tell some are heading to work as I noticed a couple of uniforms and a few that are fairly well dressed and sitting at the bus stop.  I can't help but wonder.....wonder who they are and how they got to where they are. And how, without out the safety net of family, I know a number of people that could have ended up in the same place (that includes my mother after my father abandoned her). There are so many people living right on the edge. I am aware that there are some that take advantage of the system but I would hazard to guess that the vast majority of them would j...

"Forgiveness is one of the really difficult things in life. The logic of receiving hurt seems to run in the direction of never forgetting either the hurt or the hurter. When you forgive, some deeper, divine generosity takes over. When you can forgive, then you are free. When you cannot forgive, you are a prisoner of the hurt done to you. If you are really disappointed in someone and you become embittered, you become incarcerated inside that feeling. Only the grace of for giveness can break the straight logic of hurt and embitterment. It gives you a way out, because it places the conflict on a completely different level. In a strange way, it keeps the whole conflict human. You begin to see and understand the conditions, circumstances, or weakness that made the other person act as they did." ~J O'Donohue Isn't that lovely?  I find I am able to offer it up to many but withhold it from the one that holds my heart in his hands. I am able to be generous with it...

Well this may be unpopular but it is just common sense to me. Delta is tightening restrictions for "comfort" animals. They will be requiring doctor proof that the animal is required and also proof that the animal has been trained to behave. Additionally, they will not longer be accepting turkeys, possums or snakes as comfort animals. There other people paying for tickets that may not like, have allergies to or just are plain old freightened of said animals, plus there are hygiene and safety issues. Call me small minded but, despite the fact that I do love animals, I have no desire to spend 5 hours in tight quarters with a ferret, possum or boa constrictor.  ps....especially the boa ;) Delta Makes Sense If you don't agree, let me have it ♥ but in a nice way.

Jeff Flake Thank you. I know little about you but I appreciate your willingness to speak out about the way the president is attempting to manipulate us with daily assaults on the news media. I know about being manipulated. I know what it looks like and how it makes one feel. Enough of that. Jeff Flake's Warning   (sorry about the ad)

Last night my boy called from Portland. We did small talk, caught up and filled in. After that was all over I had a feeling that he wanted to talk some more so I just asked if anything else was going on. He proceeded to tell me about some struggles he was having with his relationship and with himself. It was well thought out and he offered up both sides of the problem. I loved seeing his hard work and his desire to build a solid foundation for the future. I mostly was humbled that he decided to share it with me. I refrained from taking sides, I listened with love and minimally offered up things that have helped me in similar situations. One thing for sure, he is his mother's son...probably most like me than the other 3 but he's learning to navigate a healthier life about 30 years earlier than I did.  Kudos to him!! Best part??? I didn't feel the need to fix, control or to have him say something that would alleviate my discomfort in knowing he is struggling. Yay me! I l...

Yesterday was my first day back to my morning walks on the beach.  The air was crisp, the sky was beautiful; it’s been way too long.  As I arrived the parking lot and the walkway was deserted but by the time I was done it was bustling with surfers, stoners, dog walkers and vacationers etc. It felt good to start the day like this.... breathing and feeling grateful and amazed at how just three short years ago I would do this walk and have to repeat or mantra over and over and over in order to stop my brain from thinking thoughts that were negative and self critical...trying to turn my brain off.  Eventually I graduated to recorded affirmations which I found tremendously helpful. They would say something positive, we would say it together and then I would repeat it on my own, not giving my brain a chance to talk back. I have a friend who says to me, "I given my brain a name...Fred. Sometimes Fred is an Asshole!"  Isn't that the truth. How can one be negative when thi...

These pictures were my very first baby steps at changing the way I think during a very dark time in my life. I attached the sayings to my work monitor as a constant reminder that the thoughts running through my brain were negative and not necessarily true. At times I spent more time looking at them, reciting my mantra, praying to the God of my understanding and just plain trying to shut my brain off, than at the work I was supposed to be doing. I am a big believer in reminders. I also read great blogs, watched and listened to Youtube videos that contain positive affirmations and read books for people on a journey of change. Changing the way I think, feel and react to a world that can be so harsh has been a constant, everyday, every minute effort. This world is an amazing place with great things and fabulous people....it's all about where you are looking. Hope that you are having a great day.

The Boy Scout hit a sprinkler and took a tumble on the golf course on Sunday. It was on the 17th hole, no doubt he was a little tired when he tripped. I watched it happen like a slo-mo movie. Since he has had both knees replaced and a torn rotator cuff surgery, he kind of stood up like a toy soldier and just allowed himself to fall without trying to stop it; not wanting to risk injury to those three areas. Afterwards, he laid there and I ran over, feeling anxious and mama bearish, as did our friend and golf partner John. The sweet thing though....the foursome that we had been playing behind the previous 16 holes ran over also. Not sure if they had medical experience or if they were just being good samaritans but it was very kind. They were not willing to walk away when I said he was ok. They stood there just to make sure, asked a couple of questions and watched as the Boy Scout got himself upright. They did all the right things and the beauty of it......they had a young lad with t...

Went to breakfast in beautiful Santa Barbara before golf on Sunday. The Boy Scout and I shared a plate of Huevos Machaca from the  Rose Cafe . It was very yummy but the sweet thing was watching this family behind the counter. In tight quarters, they hustled and bustled, getting the job done. While waiting for our food, the current patriarch (the original now gone) came out from behind the grill and animatedly walked the restaurant floor looking at all the customers,  joyfully welcoming them to the New Year and introducing the third generation starting a tenure there. He was sweet and warm, proceeded to tell a joke, talking loudly, enjoying being the center of this little restaurants attention. The joke was lost on this hard of hearing gal but that did not diminish the moment. It was life, it was sweet and grateful and happy and I loved it. If it wasn't for the social confines that dictate what is and is not appropriate, I would have jumped up and hugged that guy. I also wou...

I changed my blog sub-title. It was "Finding dynamic forgiveness and a healthy spirit in the face of betrayal and addiction."   That no longer really applies. I am still working on forgiveness but much more for myself than anyone else. I have forgiven the Secret Keeper 100%. I recognize who he was and who he became was caused by a horrible illness in the brain that I cannot fully comprehend. I understand now that he did not purposefully betray me, it was NOT personal. He did what he had to do to survive. It wasn't pretty but me adding to his shame will not help either of us. I will continue to try to do no harm. Forgiving is an incredible freedom. I highly recommend it.

I love the word PETRICHOR which, if you don't already know, is....a pleasant smell that frequently accompanies the first rain after a long period of warm dry weather. Isn't that wonderful? I never knew that that loveliness had a name, I only knew that petrichor makes me very happy. The other day I found another word I adore....APRICITY. APRICITY is.....the warm feeling of the sun on a cold day. It has a nice sound to it and, if I close my eyes, I can almost feel it right now. I'd love to be able to use that word in another way. Wouldn't be nice to spread apricity, bringing warmth to a fellow traveller who is in a cold, dark place? Maybe we could alter it and make it an adjective...APRICITE. I like it a lot. Go forward and be an apricite today.

The teeny little man that thinks he can control and prevent what the majority of voters of various states have voted to allow is laughable.  Go ahead tiny fella....see what ignoring the voters gets you eventually. The act of getting stoned will continue regardless of the "blinders on your head" opinion.  It's happening...why not let the states regulate and tax? Colorado earned $116 million in tax revenue and licensing fees in 2017. Not too shabby. I'm not a pot user. I'm not even entirely comfortable about the whole thing without even being able to explain why BUT I don't believe my discomfort should  be shouldered by my fellow stoning citizens.  I may not consider abortion for myself but using that as a reason for preventing all other women from doing so is small minded, highly intrusive and just plain wrong. Wake up and smell the cannabis Jeffy boy. PS  Sorry Margaret....I promise non-political for the rest of the month.

My golf club is bigger than yours  My man is taller than yours. My hair is bigger than yours. My button is bigger than yours. His mouth is bigger than everyone. Will someone please make him be quiet before he starts a war?!?!?!

A good movie and a sweet love story. Stunning scenery and a great 80's feel. Armie Hammer is fantastically lovely to look at even if he fell a little short with his acting ability. He did a good job in general but a few scenes seemed to be a bit too much for him. That cannot be said for Timothee Chalamet who was amazing as a young man coming of age. I enjoyed the development of the relationship between the two men and the way the movie sparked the memories of what it felt like to be young, obsessed with the idea of sex and figuring out who you are becoming. One scene, in particular, cemented this movie as completely memorable and Oscar worthy. I won't speak of it so as not to ruin it for you but I will cherish it and hold it near my heart. Go see it......I don't think you'll be disappointed.