An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

 ***** LANGUAGE ALERT****** If'n you are easily or not so easily offended, you may want to skip this blog post.  Boy Scout felt strongly about purchasing wood for the fireplace. He had only a couple of "must have's" for our new home and a fireplace was one. I didn't give a whit. I find them to be dirty and smelly. He lucked out. The new place has one and the following is my secondhand recap of his wood buying experience. He gets directions from a few people as to where he can find "Paul". Pointing lower and lower, they tell him to go down to the house. Venturing further until he finds it, the stereotypical homestead of the good ole boy. There are shells of cars, empty campers rusting out, tires and debris of every kind littering the property. Knocking on the door, he spies a very young woman cleaning near the window. She beckons him in. The house is somewhat of a hoarders house...it's bad. She points him to the room where Paul is sitting. He's in...

Did I mention that we bought a house? We did and it closes on the 1st. Yippee! It's in a suburb of Portland in a city called Milwaukie. The previous owners were a couple that bought the house a long time ago. He just passed away from COVID at 89 and she is in a facility. According to neighbors, they were an unusual pair that hiked, worked and scuba'd right up until the end. They had 4 children but only two survive. The house was cared for but not much updated (truthfully, not at all updated). It's a plain little ranch style house but we have vision. Pretty sure the flooring is original. The cabinets are definitely original and the dishwasher started smoking when started. It's the lot we fell in love with. We will soon own a small cedar grove and a little ranch house. I am over the moon and can't wait to move in.  We start on Friday, get the two Pods shipped on Tuesday and we will play the rest by ear. Boy Scout's plantar fasciitis is giving him a lot of grief so...

I surprisingly find myself secretary/chairperson of an English Speaking ACA meeting in Munich Germany. Not quite sure how it happened but there you go. I love the Germans in this meeting. They are smart, introspective, serious and kind of funny in a quirky way. Last week I prepped for the meeting which means typing out literature to copy and paste to the chat, have the meeting script up-to-date and putting any ACA news in the chat. I got all ready, started the zoom meeting and then I waited, and waited. About 5 minutes in I started to get nervous I had done something wrong. I went back and checked my zoom link, double checked I had the right time. It was good. Still nobody. Then my brain started doing what my brain is wont to do. Brain: "Nobody likes this meeting anymore. You're not a good chair, you're boring. You're no good at it, not smart enough." Deep breathe. Heart: "No, no that's not it Linda. It must be something else." I google to see if the...

Wednesday night the Boy Scout and I got in a kerfuffle. Miscommunication, childhood fear and our past history populated my "reaction". I walked into the apartment and said something that was not terribly nice. Went in to take a bath to calm down and organize my thoughts. Out of the tub and back in the living room for more "reacting" and then I climb in bed and turn my Tara Brach Youtube channel which starts playing. Just so happens that it is her Anger: Responding, Not Reacting. She gets to the part where she says, "Think about it. If you think about the last time you lashed out angrily (for me 5 minutes before), did that help the other person to become more cooperative? Did you get your needs met?" She goes on to say,"The Buddha puts it this way, "Getting angry with another person is like throwing hot coals with bare hands. Both people get burned". I take a big breath, blow it out slowly. I go back into the living room and apologize for my ...

A long day of looking at houses during a good rain. A job offer being thought over. Lots to consider.  We get home and I turn back around to walk the dog out in the “green space” across the street. My thoughts are all over the place. In fact, everywhere but in the spot I am in.  But then a light breeze captures my attention and I catch my breath. The universe is telling me to put my feet on the ground and be present. Noticing how my path is softened by the dried needles, I see them falling to the ground, cast out from their tall perches by a gentle breeze. Small brown flecks, some still glistening with the moisture that fell from the sky only minutes before. It was then I realized that I could hear it. The glorious sound of the wind in the pines breaks through my hearing loss and tells me to listen up. The dappled sunlight jumping across the golden path makes my heart squeeze with childlike delight. I am here, with a sweet natured 4 legged companion. What could possibly be bet...

Woke to this interesting wet stuff that has been so rarely seen at my other home that I almost forgot what to call it. I have always loved it. I hope I never tire of it even while in a place of abundance.  We need to relearn life with a dog in Portland. Teeny tiny apartment + big wet dog = muddy carpet. We will figure it out.   Still I will greet the new day in my usual spot, practicing my meditation, getting in touch with my feelings, remembering to breathe, experiencing wonder at the beauty, and working on good self talk. Today is not guaranteed. I will rejoice and be glad in it.   Happy Saturday to you.  Not sure why, but it is a big No/No to have an umbrella in Portland. A sure sign you are a tourist. Boy Scout took it to heart. The dog? She has no problem with the rain.

I continue to be in awe of the Pacific NorthWest. It couldn't be lovelier. Yesterday was a tough one. I drove towards an interview and my brain kept saying, "Just keep on driving Linda. You don't have to do this. Just keep driving and don't stop". The big girl in me did the right thing and went in the interview door. Two people were sitting there and they both quickly donned their masks. And that is when it hit me.....I will not be able to hear this man. I could not have been more right. The owner of the company rambled on and, despite my asking him to repeat himself twice, I heard about an 8th of what he said. I got his inflections so there we no questions missed but otherwise it was Charlie Brown's teacher...wha wha, wha wha wha. I sat and watched his face closely hoping that the eyes would populate what the lips normally help do but, alas, it was hopeless. My hearing aid decided to pick that very time to give me issues. Out of the blue I started getting fee...

 Had another phone interview. It went well but was extremely stressful and, truthfully, I sat and cried afterward. Can’t honestly tell you why but there you go. Later we decided to go for a ride and it surprised me to find out there are still a few things I don’t know about the Boy Scout.  We took a ride up the Columbia River Hwy heading towards Astoria. At some point I was suppose to head west towards the ocean but if I headed east I would be going over a gorgeous old bridge. Turns out this is the Lewis and Clark bridge built in 1930. Well, I had to go over it and he was game. We get to the ramp, I’m all excited, and I look over to see him bracing himself. No big deal. I’d seen his fear of heights a few times, primarily at Notre Dame where he was trying so hard to have fun but holding on for dear life to anything he could grab. But this time I was surprised to hear a mixture of groaning and perhaps some quiet whimpering. He was quite beside himself. Luckily we get off and he ...

I’ve finally gone over to the dark side.  I had honestly never heard of it when it showed up in our town. No telling what rock I was hiding under but that was 8 years ago and now I know too much. All the years of long lines never once made me think, “Hey, I should go give it a try”. The night I am speaking of we were just tired, hungry and a little bit punchy. Living in a new area and not having yet established any “go to’s”, we were at a loss to find something. I said to the Boy Scout, “Let’s  make a pact. Whatever one we come across next, that will be where we stop.” We fist bump and keep going. All the sudden he starts laughing hysterically, having a hard time catching his breath. I look at the direction he is looking and there, in all its glory, is………….Chick-fil-a. What was I suppose to do, we bumped.  We get in the looooong line and wait our turn, order our food and finally drive off to find a cool spot to sit. For the life of me, I cannot fathom what in the heck peo...

We did not get the house that we made an offer on. It went to the person that offered $75,000 over the asking price. Yup! It takes an extra 50 to 75K to get a sellers attention. My inner critical parent mocked me and asked me who the hell I thought I was, thinking I could live in such a nice area. She reminded me of where I came from and told me I didn't deserve anything better than that. Luckily, I've acquired some handy tools to deal with her, that voice that tries to keep me small and living in scarcity. I combat her negativity with love. In ACA we have a reading that is called The Solution. It begins: The solution is to become your own loving parent As ACA becomes a safe place for you, you will find freedom to express all the hurts and fears you have kept inside and to free yourself from the shame and blame that are carryovers from the past. You will become an adult who is imprisoned no longer by childhood reactions. You will recover the child within you, learning to accept...

I needed a new bank. My former bank in California is not up here in the Pacific Northwest. I went into Umpqua Bank mostly because they are all over Portland. I went to the counter and they quickly got me to Qui (Pronounced Oy) who helped me open and log into my new checking. He was a soft spoken young man but worked hard to be heard. I would gently asked him to repeat some things but I heard most of what he said despite mask.   After finishing our business he introduced me to the branch manager, Mirabelle. She asked how the service was and mentioned that she overheard me telling Oy that I was hard of hearing. She turned the branch music off to accommodate. I can’t tell you how impressed I was. I can’t tell you how background music is the enemy of most HOH’s.  It makes most restaurants miserable and phone calls impossible.  We are off to a good start.  Ps. I asked Oy if people are constantly saying Oy vey to him. He did a facepalm and shook his head. And apparently Ru...

This morning's sunrise is stunning. I am in awe.  I finally found a good spot to greet each new day. The top of a nearby parking structure gives me a unique first peek. The loveliness that occurs long before the sun shows itself is what my heart waits for. The inky blackness of the night softens and suddenly out of the darkness a faint tint of pink appears just above the jagged silhouette of the Tualatin Mountain range east of me. This is when my soul mocks my logical thinking part, chiding me for wondering if there is something bigger out there.  I put an offer in on  another house. It’s a long shot but I am at peace.  I use those words “I am at peace” nonchalantly, almost flippantly, but then I remember where I came from. Before, my brain was my worst enemy. In ACA, we call it the inner critical parent and mine was a real bitch. She had a vested interest in keeping in shame and scarcity, often telling me how unworthy and stupid I was. She is mostly gone. I am culti...

Yesterday’s interview was just plain gross. It was held in a strange spot. It was unprofessional. The two people that did the interview, in an old messy room, were rough around the edges and in charge of running a couple of nursing homes. They were in over their heads and trying to replace a bookkeeper who had no idea what she was doing.  The position is in an old house the houses 17 patients. It calls for a full charge bookkeeper, HR, and office manager, all for $25.00 an hour. Why don’t they throw in tight rope walker and patient hair dresser to the list?   I’m not good in medical situations to begin with. If they had told me what business they were in I would have skipped it. But they would not divulge the nature of the business even when pressed. I thought maybe cannabis distribution or sales. I would have much preferred that.  On the bright side, I rocked the interview by knowing far more about accounting than either of them. Like I said, they are in over their heads...

It’s hard to keep my Goddess gown on and my princess tiara straight at this moment.   I am only learning to love myself, find value in my knowledge, wisdom and life experience. Today my tiara sits tilted.  I get a message expressing interest in my skills and experience. We go back and forth. A phone interview is scheduled. I find a quiet spot in the car. I am snuggly warm and comfortable. I am confident. We hit it off. I am able to verbalize my abilities and accept my limitations with respect to my work experience. We speak of a certain position but I am also asked if I would be interested in other positions that would contract jobs through their employment placement company. They include decent benefits so, yes, I would be interested. “Great” they say. “The logistics company is looking for a long term position. Would that interest you?” she says. “Absolutely”, I reply. She keeps niggling, she keeps chewing away. Eventually she gets what she wants and quickly ends the call. I ...

The Boy Scout and my youngest had what would have been called, at best, a complex relationship, and at worst, Like/Hate would be a good description. The big man, with the big personality, came into our little house and upended life. I was not really ready to have him move in but that is another story entirely. He brought with him way too much stuff for 980 sq ft along with two rather large, rather smelly dogs that were aloof to intolerant much of the time.  Alone, when it was just he and I, he was good but for others he frequently put on his "Tommy Suit" (the name I gave the personality that popped up and often offended people). My girl and he would butt heads and, for the most part, she just pretended like he wasn't there. He resented her presence in the kitchen, which he quickly took over after moving in. Maybe less her presence and more the debris left after her visit. Over time they found a tolerable truce. He decided one day to just do the dishes that were left and s...