Wednesday night the Boy Scout and I got in a kerfuffle. Miscommunication, childhood fear and our past history populated my "reaction". I walked into the apartment and said something that was not terribly nice. Went in to take a bath to calm down and organize my thoughts. Out of the tub and back in the living room for more "reacting" and then I climb in bed and turn my Tara Brach Youtube channel which starts playing.
Just so happens that it is her Anger: Responding, Not Reacting.
She gets to the part where she says, "Think about it. If you think about the last time you lashed out angrily (for me 5 minutes before), did that help the other person to become more cooperative? Did you get your needs met?" She goes on to say,"The Buddha puts it this way, "Getting angry with another person is like throwing hot coals with bare hands. Both people get burned".
I take a big breath, blow it out slowly. I go back into the living room and apologize for my reaction but honoring my inner child by not abandoning her and telling him his behavior was ok. It wasn't ok for me and, since we are a team, sometimes there needs to be accomodation. I told him I thought there should have been an open conversation ahead of time given our past issues.
We worked it out. It took a great effort from both of us to not allow the hurt to rule the moment.
Are you all getting bored with me growing up at 58?