Friday, September 24, 2021

Mighty Oaks From Little Acorns Grow

Wednesday night the Boy Scout and I got in a kerfuffle. Miscommunication, childhood fear and our past history populated my "reaction". I walked into the apartment and said something that was not terribly nice. Went in to take a bath to calm down and organize my thoughts. Out of the tub and back in the living room for more "reacting" and then I climb in bed and turn my Tara Brach Youtube channel which starts playing.

Just so happens that it is her Anger: Responding, Not Reacting.

She gets to the part where she says, "Think about it. If you think about the last time you lashed out angrily (for me 5 minutes before), did that help the other person to become more cooperative? Did you get your needs met?" She goes on to say,"The Buddha puts it this way, "Getting angry with another person is like throwing hot coals with bare hands. Both people get burned".

I take a big breath, blow it out slowly. I go back into the living room and apologize for my reaction but honoring my inner child by not abandoning her and telling him his behavior was ok. It wasn't ok for me and, since we are a team, sometimes there needs to be accomodation. I told him I thought there should have been an open conversation ahead of time given our past issues.

We worked it out. It took a great effort from both of us to not allow the hurt to rule the moment.

Are you all getting bored with me growing up at 58? 

16 comments:

  1. Nah, I'm 59 and still a work in progress. Childhood trauma hangs around. I have also found Tara Brach helpful. Many people opt to try to run away from their problems, so good on you for facing them and learning how best to deal with them in healthy ways! I once read somewhere that pain is either transformed or transmitted.

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    1. Moving forward. Transmitted my fair share but not as much as I used to.

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  2. Most of us need reminders every now and then, Linda. I know I do.

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  3. We are all works in progress, regardless of our age. I regularly do stupid shit. I was flinging things around and yelling last week when the big guy told me to sit down and talk/listen. He wasn't wrong but I do get tired of lectures:)

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  4. I think we are all works in progress just at different stages.

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    1. Not you! You've had robes. You are a serious adult!

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  6. Mom, I am zero percent bored of you growing up. I am amazed at your growth because I know how painful and difficult it can be. Please keep sharing and don't put yourself down. If we aren't growing then we're just sitting there being stale.

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  7. Roger and I get into kerfuffles every now and then. It's bound to happen. We don't always perceive the situation, the moment in the same way. We always talk our way through after the shouting has subsided. We are all works in progress. Love gets us through it.

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    1. I find it hard to believe but I am grateful you said it.

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  8. We're all still growing up and some of us haven't seen 58 in more than a decade. You are a wise woman. I'm glad you worked it out.

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