I surprisingly find myself secretary/chairperson of an English Speaking ACA meeting in Munich Germany. Not quite sure how it happened but there you go. I love the Germans in this meeting. They are smart, introspective, serious and kind of funny in a quirky way.
Last week I prepped for the meeting which means typing out literature to copy and paste to the chat, have the meeting script up-to-date and putting any ACA news in the chat. I got all ready, started the zoom meeting and then I waited, and waited. About 5 minutes in I started to get nervous I had done something wrong. I went back and checked my zoom link, double checked I had the right time. It was good. Still nobody.
Then my brain started doing what my brain is wont to do. Brain: "Nobody likes this meeting anymore. You're not a good chair, you're boring. You're no good at it, not smart enough." Deep breathe. Heart: "No, no that's not it Linda. It must be something else." I google to see if there is a national German holiday. No holiday......hmmmm. Ok, well, not much could be done. Closed the meeting and comforted myself with positive words.
This week, I opened the meeting 10 minutes early. Two minutes before and still nobody there. I feel a twinge of nervousness but settle it down with breathing. Finally two people show at once. A third and then quickly behind them a 4th, 5th and 6th. It was a small meeting but they were all there with smiles on their faces. Apparently there had been an AA / ACA combined miniature golf “get together” that must have been very popular. They all went.
It was nice to hear that it wasn't personal but, mostly, I was glad that I didn't use the occasion as an opportunity for self-flagellation.
I like being liked but I like liking myself way more.