An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

My youngest is a teeny little 21-year-old. She could easily be mistaken for about 14. She took a job the other day helping out a woman she knew that was throwing a Halloween party. She and a friend of hers we're going to bartend. Apparently it wasn't terribly complicated since not too many 21-year-olds would know their way around a real bar. Some whiskey, some shots, some rum and Coke,  etc. etc.  When the guests started arriving she was pleased to realize that she knew a number of them.... parents of friends of hers. In addition, our former neighbors Annie and Darryl were there. These are people that are not necessarily close friends but ones that I know well. I served on the PTA with them,  our kids went to the same elementary, middle and high schools, I'm friends with tons of people at their church. The three of them, my daughter, Annie and Darrly, spent some time catching up as the party began. Quickly my daughter notice that this former neighbor was staring at h...

We do not say: Iran - formerly known as Persia Thailand - formerly known as Siam Bangladesh - formerly known as East Pakistan Why do we continue to say: Myanmar - formerly known as Burma Give that country a name and stick to it.

As I left the house this morning at 5:45am I was greeted by what must have been an 80° wind.  What would have at one time brought a smile to my face now just concerns me. Our firefighters and those of our neighboring states are exhausted and overburdened. Fires up north have been the deadliest in California history.  The wind needs to go somewhere else. The temps need to drop.  Keep cool my friends and stay safe.

I have worked painstakingly over the last three years tried to change my default thought process from negative to positive, from discontented to peaceful, from worry to grateful. I have made vast strides with frequent dips back the other direction but I am pretty pleased. How many people can say that they have even made a dent in changing their base personality? Failing often but overall  doing better and better. One of the things I do that has helped me is to try to start my day off right.  I attempt to wake with the thoughts of what I am grateful for today and I check in first thing with a daily Word For The Day email that reminds me there is more than one way to look at things.  Catastrophizing is something I am very good at. These days I may share concerns and I may have a knot in my stomach but I also know that most things seem to work out OK and it is a waste of my precious hours on this planet thinking about the worst that can happen rather than the possibilit...

This is a re-blog from three years ago. It warms my heart and brings a smile to my face. So much has changed since the day I posted this. The kids are all good and lovely and I am so proud of each of them. As humans, they are pretty special. I miss the daily interaction but know that they are all where they are suppose to be and I remain here, growing, learning, breathing and, mostly, loving them with all my heart. Just Being Grateful Today, I am grateful for so many things that I could go on for way too long. I will pick a few of the tops.  My oldest, who works so hard at connecting, purposefully touching on subjects that she knows are or thinks may be important. This doesn't come naturally, so I applaud her continual effort to reach out on a deeper level. I also love her acceptance that self care is so necessary. My second, whose intellect astounds me, but whose view on life confuses me. I love the way he has stepped up and showed a surprising maturity. Additionally, ...

The Secret Keeper, who is apparently in a more stable phase of bi-polar 1 disorder, texted me to ask if he could wash the windows at our house. He seems to be trying to start a business and he wondered if he could get some experience by doing mine. He mentioned that he would give me a 50% discount. I know I should be glad that he is trying to keep busy and support himself in any way possible. I'm not feeling that. There is a twisting in my stomach, a lump in my throat and spinning thoughts. Is that how guilt presents itself in physical form? I want this broken man to do well...for my children, for himself.....and, maybe, for me, so that I don't feel so bad. How selfish of me!!! God, I am a selfish person. We had a life together. We had 4 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, a big beautiful home, 5 freakin cars, a silhouette of quail that returned yearly, two above average income jobs, a church and anything else you can think of that constitutes the strappings of a high-middle income fa...

I have decided that following the news in any substantial way is no longer good for me.  It had never occurred to me until my 1st born discussed the concept in a thread with her siblings. It seems that at least three of them have learned to be careful about how they allow news in their lives.  Makes perfect sense. Why would I knowingly add more stress to my life when it does not accomplish ANYTHING? So, have decided NONE before bed at all! I have committed to take in some slightly left leaning and slightly right leaning so that I get a full picture instead of only what backs up my core beliefs (which have been known to lead me astray). And finally, I commit to balancing any news out with some positive reading. Not just fiction but stuff that fills the soul.  Melody Beattie, Brene Brown, Don Miguel Ruiz, Michael Singer and John O'Donahue have been great. Cannot wait to see what else is out there. Do you have something that you turn to regularly or that has touched ...

My favorite time of year for so many reasons. I love fall colors...even as a wee one I did not care for the spring pinks, blues and yellows. Give me warmth and earth tones any day. I went against my wont and painted my bathroom a pale blue and I am a little regretful each time I walk in.....it makes me feel a little melancholy. I love fall weather.  Here in Southern California fall means sunny days, cool nights and warm breezes. Sleep is easier, air is dryer and the fall clothing styles suit me well. And finally....THANKSGIVING!! My favorite holiday of all. A chance to get together with everyone you love with no obligations but to cook, eat and enjoy each others company. The only stress involved is getting the house ready,  planning and cooking. Before the world fell apart Thanksgiving was my holiday. I had the perfect house for my big family. Thirty plus people who are my immediate family, the "married into" and the next generation....plus any stragglers who either ...

The other day the Santa Ana's came. For those of you who don't know, Santa Ana's are extremely dry, hot winds that often come this time of year in the Southern California area. The are frequently a problem because the summer has dried things out and the winds are known for fanning small fires into horrific wildfires I have always loved these Santa Ana's. I don't have the allergies that many people complain about and the warmth and strength of the winds make me feel so alive. They also seem to usher in my favorite time of year...FALL. In addition, the winds are dry as a bone which takes my hair from Janis Joplin to early Cher real quick. But this year I do not love our Santa Ana's. They have wrecked havoc and destruction. People are being harmed and structures leveled. This beautiful desert that I call home is on fire. Hoping for relief for those working on and affected by all the fires burning...and soon.

I had a dream last night that I was sitting at a table in a restaurant with the Boy Scout and his ex-wife. They were arguing a bit and, out of frustration, I excused myself to go to the bathroom. I heard some shuffling and a strange noise so I went back around the corner to find her on top of him, aggressively kissing him. He wasn’t fighting it.  I, of course, woke up and slugged him. Come on, admit it. I can’t be the only one. Ps. It was playful.

Last Thursday the Boy Scout and I went on a little adventure. Getting up early, we headed for Las Vegas baby. If you knew me you would know that I am the farthest thing from a Las Vegas fan but off we went. We didn't go for the drinking, smoking and gambling.....I had an agenda. On Friday afternoon we took a bus 30 minutes out to the Mojave desert to the  Rise Festival . After exiting the bus, we and hundreds of others walked a good trek to a giant roped area where we could eat, drink and get the necessary items for the evening. We got our bamboo mats and lanterns and made our way to one of the hundreds of tiki torches placed around a central stage. The atmosphere was light and happy and the people ranged from toddlers to grandma and grampa. Despite the long walk from the parking to the event, everyone was in a good mood, including my Boy Scout who did the walk with two new knees and a bum foot. The music was good enough and set the mood for the evening (kinda ethereal...

My son called me yesterday. We exchanged quick greetings and instantly, despite his effort to hide it, I could tell something was wrong.  He graduated in May, double major in developmental economics and math, his goal being the non-profit world. Second in his class, he did everything right. He got a job on campus where he made himself invaluable by making the work of others easier. The ladies grew to love him so much they attended his senior project presentation and graduation, gave him wonderful recommendations and cried when they said goodbye. He saved his money carefully by living on campus the entire time and doing other odd jobs. He got praise and internships from his advisors and professors.  I think he thought it would be a little easier than it's been though. In Portland he attends meet and greets, submits resumes, sits on community committees and attends non-profit board meetings but has yet to be offered a job that would pay both rent AND food.  We talked...

I can't believe the news today Oh, I can't close my eyes And make it go away How long How long must we sing this song How long, how long 'Cause tonight, we can be as one Tonight Broken bottles under children's feet Bodies strewn across the dead end street But I won't heed the battle call It puts my back up Puts my back up against the wall Sunday, Bloody Sunday Sunday, Bloody Sunday Sunday, Bloody Sunday And the battle's just begun There's many lost, but tell me who has won The trench is dug within our hearts And mothers, children, brothers, sisters Torn apart Sunday, Bloody Sunday Sunday, Bloody Sunday How long How long must we sing this song How long, how long 'Cause tonight, we can be as one Tonight, tonight Sunday, Bloody Sunday Sunday, Bloody Sunday Wipe the tears from your eyes Wipe your tears away Oh, wipe your tears away Oh, wipe your tears away (Sunday, Bloody Sunday) Oh, wipe your blood shot eyes (Sunday, Bloody Sunday) Sunday,...