An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

We have a friend that we are very fond of. A chance meeting, when he completed our threesome on the golf course. You never know what your going to get when the course fills your empty spot on busy days, but Hank was a treat. He is a bad golfer and a very good sport. Just one thing....he has trouble talking about anything but himself. He was called on it once, "It's all about you Hank, isn't it?", at which point it admitted that was a problem for him but yet it continues. We sat with him for 3 hours last night and of that 3 hours I might have talked a total of 10 minutes, many of those minutes was me asking questions in regards to his discourse. He even manages to keep the Boy Scout's normal loquaciousness to a minimum. He did pointedly ask the appropriate questions, "How is your wrist?" "How is your work" and "How are the dogs?" and politely listened to the answers and then turned the conversation back to himself and, boy, this m...

Partisan politics aside, being quiet when the voiceless have rights taken away is not an option. We have an obligation to speak out and we must vote. Remembering that there is no such thing as a good white supremacist, women are not objects to be degraded by actions or words, the disabled should not be mocked, the black experience should not be discounted, brown people are not the enemy, we must protect the disenfranchised from the mob, and Americans do not sanction the actions of murderous tyrants by calling them our friends. We rise by lifting those around us and by caring for the human experience.

WORD FOR THE DAY Be the most ethical, the most responsible, the most authentic you can be with every breath you take, because you are cutting a path into tomorrow that others will follow. KEN WILBER What I’ve learned over the years is that life is less complex and far more peace filled when I am true to myself while honoring others and their journey. I spent too many years being a bit of chameleon, trying to fit into whatever situation I encountered. No longer though. I am figuring out who I am and I kind of like it. Being me all the time means the people around trust and count on me consistently. Some people need drama. It’s what they know and they recreate it. I may have been that person at some point, ok ok....I was that person but peace cannot be overrated. It’s a great way to live. Being ethical, authentic and responsible honors me and the people I encounter. Heading that direction as fast as I can.

A memory: On the day I turned 16 I became the family driver, forever freeing the three of us (mom, my brother and I) from a weighty bus schedule or the whims and availability of our more mobile loved ones. Aside from going over the speed limit on occasion, I follow the rules.  One night, not long after I got my license, I am driving on the recently finished portion of the 210 freeway that goes from Lake View Terrace to La Crescenta. Pristine freeway, hardly used at the time, cutting through the mountains that had been my friends since childhood. A  grey car in the fast lane is full of kids fooling around. On my radio is news of the Hillside Stranglers, their capture being fairly recent, and details of their horrific crimes. I look over, in complete shock, to see a kid climb out of the window on the passenger side of the car. He's pounding the roof, blonde hair flying wildly, and the kids inside are dancing to music I cannot hear. The driver is erratic. Suddenly, he swer...

Today is Steve Irwin's birthday.  I just have to say, I loved this guy. I loved his passion, his goofiness, his smile and even his trademark haircut. I know loads of people thought he was over the top but he did a ton of good educating children and adults about wildlife, all while burning an incredible energy that never seemed to end. I am sorry that he left his family, his small children but I am sorry for the world too. He was one of a kind. Enjoy this sweet little video

WORD FOR THE DAY By learning to accept and even embrace the inevitable sorrows of life, we can experience a more enduring sense of happiness. SHARON SALZBERG I know this is not referring to it specifically, but I am always surprised by people who lose a pet and decide they will never get another because it hurts too much. Pets enrich life so much, that to shutter the idea of ever getting another because of the pain of grief is so foreign to me. Living means grieving, it is inevitable. There are many studies the show that people who are accepting of all their feelings, whether society deems them good or bad, fare better, both emotionally and psychologically, than those who attempt to repress or avoid. I do, however, understand the idea of the last dog. My sweet auntie and her husband have had dogs for the last 60 years. They had boxers and retrievers over and over and I can remember being particular friends with 2 of the many. Their last one, Gidget, passed and they d...

The Secret Keeper, otherwise known as my ex-husband, texted to asked for some help with his retirement account last week.  I obliged because he keeps pretty good boundaries these days and it doesn’t hurt me to help once in a while.  I had emailed him the information he needed and a few days later I texted just to make sure he had gotten it. I didn’t hear back. A day or two later I texted again with a second “heads up” but nothing in return. I asked my girls if they had heard from him, just to make sure he was OK. They hadn’t heard anything either Tonight, he called, telling me he has been sick. Thinking he had the flu, I asked a few questions. As it turns out it was not the flu. He was shaking. This has happened before in differing degrees from mild to unbelievable. He’s on a lot of meds...A LOT.  For blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, bi-polar disorder, anxiety and anything else that I am not aware. All that being administered by a mentally ill man. I hardl...

I love me some evangelicals! At one point,  that was my life, albeit with some serious doubts. Many of our friends from early in my marriage were of that ilk. Many of my current friends are too.  That’s not me anymore, if it ever really was. I’ve changed a lot. But now I have to wonder…..are these people that I love Christians first and then Americans or is it the other way around? Because I hear a lot of rhetoric that tells me, in reality, they are Americans first. It seems they’re able to set aside the core Christian values when it bumps up against our border. What has happened to: Love your neighbor as yourself. Treat others as you would like to be treated. Let others see your good deeds so that your actions glorify God. Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. Even the Old Testament speaks of giving aid to the exiled and the persecuted refugee.  Nowhere does it say, “Except when brown.”  Do they even remember that he...

My youngest is still in school and working a good amount at a clothing store called The Loft. She was at work on Saturday night when she noticed a middle aged man walking around the store. He approached her and  quietly asked if he could speak to her. She said “Sure” and the gent proceeded to tell her that another woman’s clothing store there at the outlet mall had denied him the ability to try on some clothing. He informed her that he is transgender would like to try a few things on. She noticed he was nervous, his hands were shaking. She hesitated for a second, then went to check who was working the dressing room, She guided the man over and informed her coworker, “My friend here would like to try on these pieces.” She wanted to respect how he presents but was unsure of the proper pronoun. She took him to a dressing room and let him know that she and her coworkers were there to get other sizes if needed. He thanked her and then showed her a picture of himself in full make up. It...

I think I mentioned that the Boy Scout and I are working hard to remain a viable and loving couple. I went to pay him a visit tonight at work and the following is a retelling of a uncomfortable evening. I get to the restaurant while the man is on break. We sit and talk and then I go sit at the bar when his break is over. At the bar are two of my favorite peoples so we sit and chat for awhile. It was nice. Time goes by and one of them, I’ll call Keith, who I have spoken of before ( See here ), starts on a rant, telling me what I am doing wrong. He’s says I’m not over my childhood, and I need to fucking let it go...over and over and over. A stoning, over drinking dude is telling me I’ve got problems for not accepting stoning and drinking as ok. The f bombs are flying, as they do whenever he drinks too much, and he let’s everyone know his truth, whether or not they ask. I already have issues with drunks but drunks telling me I need to get my shit together is not overly fun. I make ...

It can be difficult to be vulnerable in a room of strangers, until you realize that the bulk of them are present for the same reason....to ease the pain and find a better way to live. ACoA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) has been a godsend to me. Based on the adapted 12 steps of AA, it is designed to help individuals recover from the effects of growing up in dysfunctional households. Dysfunction is an overused word these days but to discount it entirely is a mistake. We are all a product of imperfect people, some mildly and others horrifically. I find that many of the attendees are not children of alcoholics but children of violent, ill adaptive people that did not teach tools for living because they simply didn't have them. ACoA's focus is to learn to love oneself and allowing that self love to help one to navigate life. We learn to make choices, not out of fear of abandonment or lack of approval, but with peace, valuing yourself and your needs and not allowing others to p...

My very favorite relative would be my mother but I am taking her out of the ranks. In fact, I am taking immediate family out of the running. After them, who is your favorite relative and why? My mother's sister would be that person. She is strong but so vulnerable, wise but does not give advice where it is not asked and she is fair. Gay thinks things through, looks at it from both sides and never jumps to conclusions. She loves fiercely, is an amazing mother, grandmother and great grandmother and auntie to me.  Now in her 80's, I still call her every other week and we can talk for hours, yet it seems like minutes. She stays up on current events, loves home crafts like knitting, crochet and needlepoint and adores her husband of over 60 years. He adores her too.  In her younger years, she has backpacked across the Sierras with her sons Boy Scout troops or water skied behind their boat on the Colorado River and was a long term member of a square dance club that only ...

This blog of mine has been a place of healing, learning and vulnerability. Over time it has changed its purpose, become less frenetic and focused more on the small, important things in life. In addition to my own writing, I follow a number of other blogs. I've been pretty purposeful about it. The writings of some unique and articulate people have given me tremendous pleasure. I follow warriors and witches, peace makers and artists, alcoholics and poets but mostly people just making their way through life the best way they know how.  Blogging offers up a world that would otherwise be inaccessible. Where else could I correspond daily with an Irish photographer, a Welsh nurse, an Indian wife and mom, two sweet women in battle with depression, a fellow HOH, a nurse who bares her soul and so, so many others that enrich my life by putting theirs out into the world?  You all help me figure out where to put the next step, which rung on the ladder I will climb to. I know ...

And meanwhile, the crusty cruds have gone through my little house in a big way. We are sick, sick, SICK and are looking forward to this being over. Constant cough, a fiery throat and can't hear a damn thing. Would love some relief. All the while, I am doing my homework, working my program, caring for my loved ones and myself and, finally, trying to work out what my future looks like. And then this popped up: WORD FOR THE DAY The future is not some place we are going, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made. And the activity of making them changes both the maker and their destination. JOHN SCHAAR Reminding me to keep putting one foot in front of the other, not willy nilly, but purposefully, with thought and consideration. So that's where I am right now. How about you? You doing well today?

I had something interesting happen the other day and I thought I’d share it. While perusing Facebook, I came across this from an old friend: At first I was angry as piss but then I remembered a few things about this guy and decided to send this: And later this showed up: I was happy I reached out and built a bridge instead of burning it. It’s been a good lesson for me. We can so easily forget each other’s humanity and there are some people who will bank on that and use it for their own benefit but I think there’s a better way.  I’m going to leave you with this.