An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

I understand that our press has tilts both to the left and the right. But rhetoric coming from the White House is dangerous and divisive and purposely undermining the credibility of the press. Our president is an afraid little man who cannot handle criticism or the appearance of failure.  The following is a February 21, 2017 article by Robert Reich. 7 Signs of Tyranny As tyrants take control of democracies, they typically do 7 things:  1.  They exaggerate their mandate to govern  – claiming, for example, that they won an election by a “landslide” even after losing the popular vote. They criticize any finding that they or co-conspirators stole the election. And they repeatedly claim “massive voter fraud” in the absence of any evidence, in order to have an excuse to restrict voting by opponents in subsequent elections. 2.  They turn the public against journalists or media outlets that criticize them , calling them “deceitful” and “scum,” and t...

All the songs I heard as a young boy......I dreamt of love. I became a romantic. Some of the songs are a bit faded and corny but all the same... I am dancing with my dream girl. I found her. She’s tough sometimes but so the hell am I.                                                                                                                                                                                        ~the Boy Scout I’ll take it.

At the concert the other night I thoroughly enjoyed people watching until it got dark. One guy, probably 65ish, had long white frizzy hair tied in a ponytail, with normal guys clothes, nothing fancy or far out, wire rimmed glasses and a good sized nose (thing Mayim Bailik).  As soon as the opening band started this guy was up.....he was the ONLY one up. And did he have the moves. He was jerky and odd, with spins and bumps and he was completely uninhibited, not noticing a single person around him.  I had to wonder....what made this guy that way? What a wonderful thing. What kind of parents did he have that gave him that confidence? Or did he parent himself into that? Don't get me wrong, I dance and I'll sing, admittedly off key, but with the group, certainly not solo. But, WOW, to be the only one in the entire venue to be getting it on with complete abandon.  I'd love to be that person, so uninhibited and free from the unease of being watched, judged. ...

We went to the Santa Barbara Bowl last night to see David Byrne of the Talking Heads. Me, my Boy Scout and my oldest boy. The Bowl is an outdoor venue set in the foothills of Santa Barbara, it was a warm summer evening, the crowd was happy and so was I. It could not have gone better. The opening band was talented twin sisters from France that had an eclectic style and were very enjoyable. At 7 o’clock when they started singing only about a quarter of the people were sitting down but it was still a ton of fun.  The Boy Scout grew up in Santa Barbara so he always knows quite a few people whenever we go. He enjoys knowing and being known and it’s fun to watch him work the crowd. At 8:15, when David Byrne came on, I have to admit I didn’t know what to expect and truthfully wasn’t all that excited to be there except for the people I was with. The staging was simple and effective. His musicians all carried their instruments in this percussion heavy band. It was original, ...

Years ago I was helping the Secret Keeper (my ex) paint the ramshackle apartment that his aging grandmother and her husband Bob lived in. The apartment was tiny and Bob a heavy smoker. The once white walls were dingy gray yellow from years of nicotine, cooking and as a result of living on a busy street. Annie was about 5 feet high, a bit rotund, with a perfect Santa Claus nose that often had a few hairs growing out of the top. She has a lovely twinkle in her eyes that showed her years on this planet with deep folds and wrinkles. Not too long after we finished painting, Annie ended up in a convalescent hospital where she would spend her remaining 8 years. Bob, finding himself alone for first time in 50 years, shot himself in the head, while sitting in his favorite recliner. He was not a very likeable guy and I do not believe that there was one person on this planet who was sad to see him go, which is one the biggest tragedies I can think of. The Secret Keeper and his dad had to go ...

My Boy Scout tends bar in a seafood restaurant. It has it's regulars....REAL regular. This is about one of them. Keith is about 40ish and is a painter by trade. He is a little world worn and the lack of care given to him by a now dead alcoholic mother and a long dead heroin addict father shows even now. He usually looks as if a good shower and shave would do him well, as well as a trip to the dentist. He is sweet and loyal and loving (the more drinks, the more loving he gets) and his favorite words are most definitely DUDE and FUCK. On the occasions when he has consumed a little too much, the restaurant workers have to ask him to quiet his dude and fuck's down just a bit as it is a nice little restaurant and not a dive bar where nobody notices when colorful language gets thrown around. Unmarried, he has travelled and lived here and there but now is back in his small hometown where he knows everyone and everyone knows him and he is well liked.  I like him too, which is ...

“Elsa sits in granny’s wardrobe. It smells of granny. The whole house smells of Granny. There something special about a Granny’s house, even if ten or twenty or thirty years go by you never forget how it smells “. From My Grandmother Asked Me To Tell You She' Sorry My girl and I had a sweet conversation one day. She was laying in bed and feeling the warmth of the sun on her skin when she texted me about how much it reminded her of being at grandmas house. Gigi has a great memory. My mom got sick when Gigi was pretty young but before that they spent a ton of time together as my mom had been her caregiver for her first few years. They played and shopped and watched Dharma and Gregg together. It was wonderful bonding time. Gigi and I spoke later of the day of my moms death. We shared my moms last breaths with many loved ones. It was a privilege but it was heartbreaking. I was lost...I couldn't breathe right. Afterwards, I knew I couldn’t go home right away. Gigi and I stopped...

California was originally inhabited by what we now call Native Americans. In 1542 the Spaniard Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo (Ka-bree-o) landed in the bay of San Diego. He christened the area Alta California. In 1769 Spanish Father Junipero Sierra established what would be the first of 21 missions heading up the coast of California with the objective of evangelizing the natives. In their earnest attempt to impart their religious beliefs on another people, they tried to strip them of their culture and "civilize" them. Many natives died from disease and poor living conditions. Treatment could be very harsh. Mission Basilica San Diego de Alcalá- 1st  Our children learn about the mission system in 4th grade. It was always my favorite year of the kids schooling because each child learns state history and does a report or a replica of the mission of their choice. We would pack up the family and go to see a few and let them pick which would be their focus. The surviving missions a...

My son was about 15 and having some trouble in school when I got a lecture from him about my techniques in child rearing and discipline. This son, he researches everything, which made him a junior expert about a lot of little things. His unique ability to remember much of what he reads and his incredible curiosity often makes him a formidable adversary in debate or argument. This conversation I am speaking of took place almost 10 years ago and about six years before my eyes were opened by Al-Anon. The fact of the matter was that he was right. I was disciplining and punishing in the way I had learned from my mother who learned from her mother who learned from her mother. It was second nature but it didn't make it right. I am sure that I shamed him during that conversation, telling him he didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. He actually kind of did. There are better ways to discipline than what I learned. Being punitive without allowing accountability and learning is no...

I live on the coast of Southern California in a smallish city called Ventura. Today I’m driving the 30 some miles up the coast to Santa Barbara. It’s a beautiful city and has much to be desired. Santa Barbara is lovely, has great restaurants and good shopping but it’s a bit more elegant than I prefer, I like things pretty casual and Ventura is nothing if not casual. In addition to that, the median home price in Santa Barbara is.....wait for it......$1,165,000. while Ventura is $594,000. Additionally, SB butts up against the stunning city of Montecito (think Oprah, Ellen, Jeff Bridges, etc.) with a median home price of $3,205,000.  So, OBVIOUSLY, another reason why I live in Ventura rather than SB. A meeting in Santa Barbara allows me to take a beautiful drive up a small portion of the Historic El Camino Real or better known as The 101.  The hillsides are dry and brown right now. I would blame that on the fire that ravaged this area at Christmas time which, up until ...

I still smell your perfume, as if in the next room, even though you are not here. Your essence remains. So dear to my heart are you who was the most unexpected gift. How angry I was when I first knew of you. So selfish this soul of mine can be. But God or nature or Mother Earth knew far better than me of your true value.  Your tender, empathetic heart, so rare in this day and age. Complex yet loving, our relationship enriches and confuses me but we are bonded by our mutual love for the incredible woman you called grandma and I called my tether to this planet, the three precious jewels who call you Macky, Bobo or sister, the big guy who takes up a lot of space and the broken man who needs our love more than breath. I am grateful for you today. Grateful you eat the leftovers in the fridge, leave the bathroom light on all night and that you call my "guest" room yours for a little while longer.

As you might remember, I am going to see U2 on my 55th birthday. Just reviewing, catching up and remembering why I love them so much.  I’d have a hard time grading my favorite songs but if I did, this one would be in the top five.  I related to its loneliness and lost feeling, I was so incredibly lonely in my marriage those last 7 years. But this song has an underlying hope. Also, if you are lucky enough to listen to it on an excellent stereo the drumming at the end can  be felt in your heart.  Tell me what you think?

I hope not to offend any fans but when I hear Mariah Carey do her thing I seriously have the strong urge to pull my own hair out in large hunks. Nuff said about that. Mariah high notes

“It’s snowing again and Elsa decides that even if people she likes have been shits on earlier occasions, she has to learn to carry on liking them. You'd quickly run out of people if you have to disqualify all those who have, at some point, been shits.           My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She’s Sorry                  ~Fredrik  Blackman I just really like these lines. Fun little book by the author of A Man Called Ove. 

I am doing a couple of Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings a week now. It is so inspiring for me to hear the stories and relate to the feelings expressed and realize that I have a community. There are other people that have to fight the need to control and to try to force others, through various behaviors, to ease the uncomfortable emotions they may be feeling. There are other people that are afraid to feel certain emotions like hurt, shame and uncertainty and that fear presents itself in far more hurtful or counterproductive ways than actually dealing with the feelings. People can be so damaged by their families even if their families are/were not aware. I think of a few of my blogging friends and of some of the people in my meetings that are fighting, tooth and nail, to break out of that shit they were handed as little children and rise above to a more beautiful and peace filled place and I am in awe of them. By comparison I didn't have it too bad but I am aware that that is...