Don't Be A Bob

Years ago I was helping the Secret Keeper (my ex) paint the ramshackle apartment that his aging grandmother and her husband Bob lived in. The apartment was tiny and Bob a heavy smoker. The once white walls were dingy gray yellow from years of nicotine, cooking and as a result of living on a busy street.

Annie was about 5 feet high, a bit rotund, with a perfect Santa Claus nose that often had a few hairs growing out of the top. She has a lovely twinkle in her eyes that showed her years on this planet with deep folds and wrinkles. Not too long after we finished painting, Annie ended up in a convalescent hospital where she would spend her remaining 8 years. Bob, finding himself alone for first time in 50 years, shot himself in the head, while sitting in his favorite recliner. He was not a very likeable guy and I do not believe that there was one person on this planet who was sad to see him go, which is one the biggest tragedies I can think of. The Secret Keeper and his dad had to go into that apartment afterward to remove any family items that remained. It was a pretty horrible experience for him but his dad, typical with his nature, took it like everything else in his life, with a tremendous disconnect.

A young friend of mine died a number of years back and he had touched so many lives that they had to rent out a local theater to accommodate everyone that wanted to pay their respects. It is my desire to touch lives and have my essence remain....I don't want to be a Bob.

Comments

  1. I've thought about this. I'm not going to be there when I'm gone so I won't know who shows up at the funeral. But while I'm alive, it would be great to connect with at least a few people.

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    1. A few good people would be great. I don't need a theater.

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  2. Poor Bob. How tragic even though it was of his own doing.

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    Replies
    1. Very much so. I feel nothing but empathy. He was raised in the south with little education, little resources and not a lot of nurturing. It showed.

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  3. wow that is so sad, so very sad. I don't want that life.

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  4. Very sad to be a Bob. It does take effort and commitment to have friends. Sad that he didn't know that.

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    Replies
    1. Harder for some more than others but well worth the effort

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  5. I doubt I anyone want to be Bob. I don't want to sound unemphathy toward this but it sounds a little co-dependent.
    Stop in from Biekkriebels and if you find the time stop in for a cup of coffee.

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  6. I don't want to be a Bob either. I fear that Rick's stepfather is a Bob. We all dread the someday-funeral and that just isn't the way it should be.

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    Replies
    1. I wish they could see there’s a better way.

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  7. A well known and socially active gentleman in our area recently died. He did a lot to help the poor. I was struck by how much he is mourned and will be missed and contrasted that with the Orange Menace in the White House. Will that person’s demise rate more than a huff from any of us, save his youngest?
    I believe our greatest good is to help others, always remembering, “ There but for the grace of God...”
    Joyce

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  8. It's said Bob didn't get some help when he obviously needed it. Still, it's sad to be like Bob and there are probably many more like him.

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  9. An old Post but since I just found your Blog it was still a great archived read. I have thought upon this... and who shows up is not always indicative of how full a life led. I've sadly attended funerals of wonderful people who did so much for others and weren't mourned on a large scale. I've seen funerals of people who were much mourned by complete strangers or who in life seemed difficult, yet clearly had somehow touched more people than you might realize. It's curious really, who is chosen to mourn... and who might pass almost unrecognized for being a great person during their lifetime.

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