Parenting....It's Not For Sissies

My son was about 15 and having some trouble in school when I got a lecture from him about my techniques in child rearing and discipline. This son, he researches everything, which made him a junior expert about a lot of little things. His unique ability to remember much of what he reads and his incredible curiosity often makes him a formidable adversary in debate or argument.

This conversation I am speaking of took place almost 10 years ago and about six years before my eyes were opened by Al-Anon. The fact of the matter was that he was right. I was disciplining and punishing in the way I had learned from my mother who learned from her mother who learned from her mother. It was second nature but it didn't make it right. I am sure that I shamed him during that conversation, telling him he didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. He actually kind of did. There are better ways to discipline than what I learned. Being punitive without allowing accountability and learning is not the way to go.

I regret all that but I have made my amends to him and my other three kids the best of my ability and I try to take a different route now, one that requires more patience and understanding. It’s quite foreign to me so I have to work hard. I no longer have young children around me so I don't get the practice I would like but I use the techniques I have learned in other ways.

I am going to make a great grandmother someday :)

Aware that most of us are past this stage of life but they still resonate so....on a lighter note:










Comments

  1. anne marie in phillyAugust 9, 2018 at 2:39 AM

    I never heard any of those sentences; not from parents or teachers or ex-husband. the only person who gave a damn about me was my maternal grandmother; she has been gone for 30 years now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda dAugust 9, 2018 at 6:29 AM

      I am so glad that there was someone and that you learned to parent yourself eventually.

      Delete
  2. MarthaAugust 9, 2018 at 4:46 AM

    HAHA! Loved the last image. That also applies to noisy toys with batteries, batteries whose life span ends prematurely.

    Parenting is an ongoing learning process. There are things I wish I'd done different with my kids, too. Like you, I'll make a terrific grandmother one day :) Well, that's if there are ever any grandchildren!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Marie SmithAugust 9, 2018 at 5:06 AM

    Love the last one. That’s me when the grandkids have noise makers!

    We all make mistakes parenting Linda. When we know better, we do better. You will be an excellent grandmother!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda dAugust 9, 2018 at 6:31 AM

      My sister-in-law, who didn't like me much, bought one a child DRUM KIT. I knew then and there she was evil ;)

      Delete
  4. My life so farAugust 9, 2018 at 5:54 AM

    I look back and cringe. I tell myself I did the best I could but somehow that doesn't seem like enough. I have three children. One disabled, one an alcoholic and one a workaholic. It often feels like failure. I know Katie is not my fault, she just is. My son though I feel responsible for. I feel like I failed him and I feel like I continue to fail him. He is a 34 year old child who is now bringing a child into this world and it breaks my heart.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda dAugust 9, 2018 at 6:34 AM

      Lily, I follow your blog. I know your heart. Both of us did the best we could with what we had learned. Why doesn't our society have basic parenting classes? When so many of us become parents you would think that school would have one semester required.

      I am sorry for your regrets and for what you are going through now.

      Delete
  5. Margaret (Peggy or Peg too)August 9, 2018 at 9:02 AM

    I watch all the trial and tribulations my sisters and my friends go through with their children. Sometimes I think, boy I wouldn't do that. BUT I DO NO HAVE CHILDREN, therefore I keep my mouth shut. I admire all of you who take that on. After my mom died I was the mom and it was so difficult to care for my sister and my father who I might add, was a child. So at the ripe old age of 16 after a few years of this I had enough and I declared I was not having children. I don't regret it because I saw how hard it was. I saw the struggle. I knew this wasn't for me. Would I do the same again? Probably not. But I also don't regret my choice. I still admire all of you who try to do it right!! Besides I make a helluva great Aunt. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  6. BirdieAugust 9, 2018 at 9:55 AM

    Well, the fact that your son had enough within himself to look this up and that he felt comfortable talking to you says that maybe you did a lot more right than you know.
    But yeah, parenting is the hardest job there is. So. Damn. Hard.

    ReplyDelete
  7. ColetteAugust 10, 2018 at 6:32 AM

    We live and learn. I don't know about you, but I had my child when I was quite young and I spent her formative years figuring out right and wrong on the fly. I did my very best. It was not perfect. I can't go back and change it, so I try to be supportive of her efforts to be a good mother. It is okay to forgive oneself, as well as others.

    ReplyDelete
  8. JeanieAugust 13, 2018 at 7:35 AM

    Truer words were never spoken (or written) my friend!

    ReplyDelete

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