An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

The Boy Scout and I worked in the garden this weekend. Looks a bunch better plus it felt good just to get outside with my thoughts and with this little piece of land that belongs to us.  I have an aversion to jade plant. It stems from childhood and is no less fixed today than the first day I discovered my dislike, which was probably at 6 or 7 years old. My garden has a number of very old jade plants and although I feel a little guilty, I just keep cutting them back and back, until I am sure they will mush away. The base of one of them has got to be 24 inches round and stems just keep popping up. But, honestly, I am way more tenacious than a jade plant. Got a long way to go out there but one thing at a time and until this bathroom is finished the yard can wait...one thing at a time. The new master bath is, at long last, moving along. I picked out my new tub (with bubbles) and a toilet. Flooring and vanity next. Boy Scout digging out crawl space Footing frames N...

It's 5 am and I've been up for awhile but it's OK, I got some decent sleep. I'm ready to start a new day with a positive attitude.  I had a small epiphany yesterday morning while basking in a light stream of steamy hot water; a warm shower always helps me think things through. The day before, while chatting with the Boy Scout, he mentioned to me how I will eventually look back and regret the time I wasted worrying and fretting about his employment or lack thereof. Musing over this statement, it occurred to me that I spent a lot of my life just that way. I allowed fear to overwhelm or put a damper on moments that simply needed to happen, that had to be experienced and how living all those moments in fear wasted precious time.  I believe I have mentioned before of the incredible experience I had when, as a family, we loved our mother to heaven’s door. Losing her was the greatest loss I have experienced and yet I didn't live in fear for those last 5 or so hour...

No sleep, no sleep, no sleep.  Lie here, listen to meditation tapes, toss, turn.... Snoring Boy Scout, snoring frenchie inching her way up closer and closer to her desired location which is directly between our two pairs of shoulders. I play some games, read, then try again. The night drags on. I find myself enjoying some of my favorite blogs and notice a bit of light coming from behind me. Oh grand, the Boy Scout is awake and playing solitaire as is his wont....we can talk and cuddle.  ALAS, the bit of light is Saturday saying hello. Another night of no sleep. 

I love the idea of a relationship being a safe haven. It is only an idea to me at this point because I am not nearly trusting enough find that in anyone anymore and I am aware enough to know that I too have to be a safe haven to the partner in my life in order to have that in return. In some ways I am a safe haven. I am reliable, honest, extremely loyal and Jiminy Cricket keeps me on the straight and narrow but I am explosive in my fear and anger and that is never good. I need to be the safe person I desire my partner to be.

Gratitude is a daily choice. I don't always get there, I often fail miserably but I do try....I really do. Today I am grateful for a couple of failed attempts to find a family photographer while in Portland. I was going to have my kids all together and thought it was a great time to have some pictures done. When the second one cancelled two days before we left I thought about just forgetting about it but, in the end, I tried again and found someone who would take us on with very short notice.  I got some fabulous pictures for my effort but there was another boon to the hard work I put in. I met another kindred spirit in this world.  Kindred spirits are hard to find and well worth any effort put in to find them. I met a person who lives with brokenness but chooses to find the beauty in every day. Jen's pictures are unique and lovely just like her soul. Take a look.... She Saw Things I love how, in my desire to stop my crazy controlling behaviors, I let go and ...

Back in good old Southern California. We had a wonderful time with family and extended family. The weather in Portland was AMAZING and we got out and about to lovely restaurants, fun sightseeing and shopping. My boy..... graduated summa cum laude from his university. He will be staying in Portland for the time being and it's all good. He is building a life there and I am building my life here but our love and mutual admiration is strong and the connection will remain tight. We had a wonderful conversation about a book that we both happened to read called Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck.  The following is short description of the book: After decades of research, world-renowned Stanford University psychologist Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D., discovered a simple but groundbreaking idea: the power of mindset. In this brilliant book, she shows how success in school, work, sports, the arts, and almost every area of human endeavor can be dramatically influenced...

THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT TO SAY TODAY

I've got a nasty little head cold, ache from head to foot and feeling rather hungry. The suggested colonoscopy at 50 is scheduled for 8:30 in the a.m. (only three years late), so I am on a fast.  I don't mind the not eating part much, it doesn't really bug me but I want ibuprofen something fierce!!  My head is pounding. Looking forward to having this all done and over. I wish it wasn't on a Monday because I could celebrate at our favorite Mexican food Juans but they are closed on Mondays. Ah well, I'll figure out something good. Have a great week 👨🏽‍⚕️

Tucked in the little town of Ojai CA is one of our very favorite golf courses.  It is there at Soule Park that we have met some of the most interesting characters that we, now looking back, wish we had gotten a few phone numbers to enjoy their company once again. There was Dong and Quan, Tom and Marius, Karyl Lynn and Jim and a number of others. It was there we cemented our love for each other, where the Boy Scout taught me to be a better sport and it was there we met some other very special individuals. Bordering the golf course are parks, hillsides and ranch land. Along hole #5 we got to know and love these guys. Big Knee and Whitey Whitey and Big Knee were not alone. There was Stubby and Brownie #1,2,3,4. These guys were shy at first but the Boy Scout, not to be dissuaded, would run to the market to buy carrots and apples each time we went golfing. Whitey was pretty aggressive at first, chasing the others off but he stopped that behavior pretty quick; there was enough ...

When I was 21 years, being just off of a dog grooming stint, I decided to go in another direction (daily dog hair in places where dog hair doesn't belong convinced me). A company hired me as a multi-state payroll clerk. Previously I held a job at Security Pacific Bank (anyone out there old enough to remember that one?) where, despite my fancy title, I mostly inserted completed payroll checks into shipping bags and made sure they were delivered to customers in a timely manner. That title, along with some creative resume writing, got me a job in this family run company that owned and, or operated 27 locations in 9 different states. The job kept me on my toes, educated me well and, through a series of unforeseen events, I became the office manager in a few years. After seven years at this company there was an opportunity to start a side business, completely supported by my employer. That side business grew until I went out on my own, my former employer becoming my main cli...