Relax and Take A Deep Breath

It's 5 am and I've been up for awhile but it's OK, I got some decent sleep. I'm ready to start a new day with a positive attitude. 

I had a small epiphany yesterday morning while basking in a light stream of steamy hot water; a warm shower always helps me think things through. The day before, while chatting with the Boy Scout, he mentioned to me how I will eventually look back and regret the time I wasted worrying and fretting about his employment or lack thereof. Musing over this statement, it occurred to me that I spent a lot of my life just that way. I allowed fear to overwhelm or put a damper on moments that simply needed to happen, that had to be experienced and how living all those moments in fear wasted precious time. 

I believe I have mentioned before of the incredible experience I had when, as a family, we loved our mother to heaven’s door. Losing her was the greatest loss I have experienced and yet I didn't live in fear for those last 5 or so hours. I remained present, loved, remembered and ached with the beauty of life and family, the never ending cycle. If I could be present for that, I could be present for just about anything with a little hard work and a huge change in mindset.

I realize that the Boy Scout took a simple Al-Anon precept, wrapped up in new paper, and caused it to resonate with me in way it had not before.  How many hours have I wasted worrying about what might happen?  It's way past time to stop this craziness. I will be OK and the sooner I let go of whatever it is that represents security to me, retract my claws, give myself a nice manicure and be on my merry way, the better off I will be. I don't think this is a detachment issue; it's more me attempting to resist acting as my Higher Power. 

Spending today grateful.