An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

While practicing my Al-Anon walk, I found a frustration that even though the texts and sayings showed me there was a better way to live, I just wasn't getting some of the tools needed to make certain changes. Turn up the heat and I was right back to being the cornered animal, feeling powerless, ready to do anything I needed just to feel safe. That ugly reaction still exists but not so severe and definitely not as often. One of the things that I do to help facilitate real change in my life is to listen to positive affirmations. I use YouTube videos that do not run contrary with my belief system to help change my negative or fearful thought process.  Search positive affirmations or meditations and many videos will come up. Some voices irritate me or are difficult to understand because of my hearing loss and some are just too "other worldly". For one reason or another, I have found that I really like a number of the Jason Stephenson videos. I don't know a thi...

It happens slowly as you practice daily. You will fail and start again. You will feel frustrated at yourself and your lack of discipline. Then one day you wake up and realize that it is just easier; it has become a default. Somehow, miraculously, the thought process evolves to more positive, happier and silver-lined with compassion and love. Moments when you fall back into the old patterns become further apart, dissipate rapidly and do less harm to the human beings in your midst. Gratitude = Happiness

Still full of fears but learning, day by day, to be grateful and happier. Being purposeful about enjoying the moment and allowing my heart to fill up with the beauty around me. Found this 10 step list a few months back and read them each morning before I begin my work. 10 Truths that Happy People Never Forget Happy people: 1.     They believe that they are completely worthy of happiness in life. 2.    They don’t let their circumstances decide their mood or their overall state of happiness. 3.    They are grateful, always and every day, rain or sunshine. 4.    They are extremely generous – they give and help and serve others frequently. 5.    They love life, they accept life and feel in harmony with life. 6.    They are free of judgment, be it themselves or others. 7.    They get curious, rather than angry, when things don’t go their way. 8.    They believe in their own power ...

I just read a great article about growing from our regrets.  The article talked about a UC Berkeley study of 400 people who were invited to share their biggest regret in life then asked to write about the regret with self-compassion and understanding. In evaluating the results, researchers found that some of the group focused on their transgressions, some described hobbies they enjoyed (?), and some wrote about their regrets with a positive tilt and a good self-esteem. After the writing exercise, researchers also asked participants how much they accepted that the event had happened and forgave themselves for it, suspecting that these factors might be involved. And it turned out that acceptance played a role: Compared with the other two groups, the participants practicing self-compassion were more accepting, and acceptance was in turn linked to more motivation to improve.  My biggest regrets: The way I handled tough situations with my children, especially w...

Do you want to be angry or do you want to be happy. The two cannot go hand in hand but both are a choice.  Are you pissed off sitting in traffic? You have a choice. Are you mad at someone being inconsiderate? That's a choice too. Learning to respond instead of react is helpful but much harder than it sounds, especially if that has been a default for most of your life. My default at even small conflicts has been to fight or run away for as long as I can remember. That was all I knew.  There are so many good reasons to control anger. Yes, it is an  obstacle to happiness , but also  damages relationships , loses jobs, can result in people or property getting hurt and, in the end, anger will hurt you too.  Taking a breath, a time out or whatever you need to stop the initial reaction and allow your thoughts to follow things through to the end. What exactly to do you want the outcome to be? Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? Do you ...

Tuesday afternoon was spent on the municipal golf course in Santa Barbara. It was a gorgeous day.  Living on the coast of California, one can often expect what we term as "June Gloom". It is exactly that but sometimes June Gloom can last from May to July. While grateful that the June gloom can keep us fairly cool as the temperatures rise inland, it can wear on a person after awhile. But not yesterday, the sun broke through and there was a cool wind with the temps being in the high 60's to low 70's. I finally scored under 100...WOOOOOOT!, and did so without too many ugly errors. Played the 18 holes with the Boy Scout and his two best friends and held my own. Golf has been a great learning experience albeit an expensive one. It tests me in my sportsmanship, attitude and comfort zone; sometimes all at the same time. Afterwards, we went to dinner at a place that I would not choose and ate food that I would not choose but it's ok...we d...

I have Ménière's (sounds like men ears) disease. According to Wikipedia:  Ménière's disease  is a disorder of the  inner ear  that usually affects both  hearing  and  balance . It is characterized by episodes of  vertigo  and by fluctuating or permanent  tinnitus  and  hearing loss . The condition affects people differently. It can range in intensity from being a mild annoyance to a disabling disease. It is similar to many other conditions so a  differential diagnosis  is important. [2] Mine is what I would call way more than a mild annoyance and far less than disabling. Vertigo episodes occur very few and far between and are short lived. That being said, it is a vertigo like none I had ever experience. I am not just dizzy, I simply cannot tell up from down as everything spins in front of my eyes. I would liken it to being strapped at the waist to the center point of a water wheel that just keeps spinning or...

Hello, I'm Linda and I am an alcoholic.  Well, no I'm not but I have listened to so many YouTube "We Do Recover" videos that I have the urge to say that on occasion.  Those recovery videos, along with my Al-Anon meetings have changed the way I think about the alcoholics / addicts in my life. They have changed the way I think and feel about the homeless man screaming as he walks along the street, the gal who waits at the bus stop but never boards the bus, the teen on the street who looks angry and man who makes it to work every day but numbs himself to the hilt after he gets home. Building a foundation of empathy with good, healthy boundaries is such an amazing blessing.  Don't get me wrong, I still have a healthy dose of fear because of the unpredictability of the addict/alcoholic. I like to know exactly what to expect in any given situation...I didn't know that about myself before but it's true. It doesn't have to involve my qualifiers, it ...

Don't concentrate on your failures, rejoice in your victories. Starting to realize that in my effort to make major changes, I was berating myself all too often for backsliding and failures. A blow up on my part would end up in repentant apologies combined with kicking myself in the ass for not showing better control or recognizing the impetus of the explosion. The thing is, people do crappy things; they hurt, reject, manipulate or just plain neglect. When they do, it is not personal, it is a way to make themselves feel empowered when weak or hurt others when feeling hurt or pacify their own personal fears. They also don't always recognize how their behavior may effect another. My only job is to do me and to achieve the best possible outcome in any situation. My raging has everything to do with feeling weak and unsure of how I will handle a potentially tough situation. The truth is I have made tremendous progress in not only changing my reaction but also realizing that ...

Today I went to have my annual exam.  TMI, I know but ah well. Afterwards, out in the car, I took a deep breath and, low and behold, started crying. I went ahead and did the deed, let it flow and then took the time to analyze.  Two years ago, after we discovered the lifestyle my ex-husband had been living for an extended period of time, I had an epiphany. Call me naive, but it was a number of days before I realized that I needed to call my OB-GYN and let them know what had  happened . I can remember the exact spot on the freeway that it occurred to me, I remember pulling off and over to the side of the road to make the call. I got through to the doctor and promptly fell apart while trying to explain the situation. She gleamed enough through my hysteria to figure it out, then she kindly and efficiently gave me instructions, repeating them two (perhaps three) times. She called the local lab, got me in there and scheduled me for her office first thing in th...

One thing that I starting doing soon after my marriage crumbled was to frequent the massage store front at my local mall. I must admit I went more often than need be. At first, I felt a little sheepish about it, but over time I got to know that people there (as well as you can with a language barrier) and it was just nice. I have forever been a proponent of human touch. I made sure that my children were embraced and caressed regularly. I hug, easily and heartily, people that I have even a brief encounter with. When encountering the elderly, especially in assisted living, if they seemed amenable, holding their hands or gently rubbing their arms seemed important.  There is science to back up what I sensed intuitively.  Some research found that touch with moderate pressure stimulates a cranial nerve that slows the heart rate and lowers blood pressure. It also reduces stress hormones and may enhance immune function. In a Touch Research Institute study, medical staff and ...

On a difficult day, what is beautiful? That is my job....to find the lovely in the ugliness, to reach deep into my heart and redirect my default to a new place. As growth takes place, I realize that my thoughts are the biggest problem I have. Not circumstance, not loved ones doing things that scare me, not lack of savings or security, not aging or loneliness or the ever present fear of betrayal; it's focus. But for all the many wonderful things in life, in the world, it is amazing how much space the negative can take up in my head. Beauty is everywhere and I will find it.