Better and Better and Better

Don't concentrate on your failures, rejoice in your victories.

Starting to realize that in my effort to make major changes, I was berating myself all too often for backsliding and failures. A blow up on my part would end up in repentant apologies combined with kicking myself in the ass for not showing better control or recognizing the impetus of the explosion. The thing is, people do crappy things; they hurt, reject, manipulate or just plain neglect. When they do, it is not personal, it is a way to make themselves feel empowered when weak or hurt others when feeling hurt or pacify their own personal fears. They also don't always recognize how their behavior may effect another. My only job is to do me and to achieve the best possible outcome in any situation. My raging has everything to do with feeling weak and unsure of how I will handle a potentially tough situation. The truth is I have made tremendous progress in not only changing my reaction but also realizing that nobody else is responsible for making me feel comfortable. 

The next step is the self talk that reminds me how stupid I was at blowing up or mouthing off or getting really ugly. The next step is treating myself like I would a little sister, with love and understanding, pointing out the strides she has made in becoming (not whole, that doesn't exist) better....much better.