An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

Just finished A Prayer For Owen Meany by John Irving. How I’ve loved listening to my man read this out loud. How I have grown to love the strange voice that became Owen’s voice, always in ALL CAPS. As he finished the last few pages yesterday, I felt the melancholy of saying goodbye to a good friend. Never having read a single Irving book as a young woman, the pleasure of discovering a treasure trove of good reading has got me anticipating what I will delve into next. I’m told his later works lack some of the magical qualities woven into his early work. I read somewhere that the opening line of this book is Irving’s favorite. “I am doomed to remember a boy with a wrecked voice – not because of his voice, or because he was the smallest person I ever knew, or even because he was the instrument of my mothers death, but because he was the reason I believe in God; I am a Christian because of Owen Meany.” I confess myself thoroughly delighted. 

As I reflect on Christmas day, a few things come to mind. There was a incident that was so very uncomfortable, and I handled it pretty damn good, not perfectly but really well. And even better, when I saw a text that seemed to judge my behavior, I stayed present and did not absorb that person's opinion of the incident. I remained true to myself and gave myself a big pat on the back. Well done chica. I think it showed growth and for that I am grateful. In addition to that, the Secret Keeper came for the dinner that my sweet Boy Scout lovingly prepared. It was easy and fairly light hearted. The conversation was fine. Perhaps a little more gossipy than I would have liked but really OK. The food was great and the kids got to be with their dad, whom they love dearly. I’d say a big win. When I see him, I no longer think of what happened between us. I just feel a little sad and now that I know how to feel sad instead of shoving down or throwing it onto someone else, it worked out alr...

My father had come and gone from our home a number of times before leaving for good. My poor mother endured much, aside from being left alone to manage the 4 or 5 of us that were still home, she never learned how to drive and hadn't worked. Our father left us with a wagon, but not any wagon. It was some kind of specialized Chrysler, big engine, dual carburetors, 10 miles to the gallon. Nobody could work on it but him and some specialized guy 30 miles away. My 3rd sister was doing driving at the time. Can you imagine, a 16 year old, in charge of all the family driving, given a car that could beat every single car it came up against? According to her, she knows this to be true. The fact that he left us and opted not to support us in any tangible way didn't help that situation. I remember a trip to see my grandmother in Palm Springs. It got late and my sister went to turn the lights on but, lo and behold, the fancy electrical system that operated the "tilt up" pan...

I've used this blog as a sort of therapy, to work out pain and find peace.  I am well on my way.  You, my blogging friends, have opened my eyes, allowed my to see a piece of your world and shared your struggles too. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you all for reading, commenting and for blogging. Happy holidays, Merry Christmas, Chag Sameach, Happy Kwanzaa....if I missed anyone it is not for lack of caring but rather than lack of being informed. Happy, Happy, Happy!!!! STILL MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY VIDEO♥ I'M A SUCKER FOR A GOOD FLASH MOB NOT CHRISTMAS MUSIC BUT IT'LL DO AND MY FAVORITE FLASH MOB 

My man and I do not see eye to eye on politics When ever I rant about something our illustrious POTUS has said or done, I of course desire him to get on the bandwagon and rant with me. That is not his bent but every once in awhile when he realizes that, perhaps, he should respond, I get from him, with an emphatic shaking of his head... "There's a horse loose in the hospital." If you haven't seen it, give it a try.

In Christianity Today, a magazine founded by the late Rev. Billy Graham, an article by editor-in-chief  Mark Galli that stated: “Remember who you are and whom you serve,” Galli’s editorial states. “Consider how your justification of Mr. Trump influences your witness to your Lord and Savior. Consider what an unbelieving world will say if you continue to brush off Mr. Trump’s immoral words and behavior in the cause of political expediency.” Finally a Christian organization speaking some sanity.  That’s all I got to say about that. 

24 years ago, a former employer, good friend and someone still connected to my business, asked me for a favor. He and a couple of his friends decided to open an indoor skateboard park. None of them had experience in this, they were winging it and they asked me to do their accounting. At the time, I had three little ones, was pregnant with my 4th and was running my own business. I had a full plate. I ended up saying yes, unable to establish good boundaries and feeling like I owed him for his love and friendship. I had some decent accounting experience but nothing related to this type of business. It would have several revenue streams, including admissions, memberships, instructions, retail, food and large events. I had a ton to learn and had to learn it on the fly. The park opened in July, I had my baby in September and my then-husband got very sick in New Years Day. By January 15th, he had lost 25 lbs and had a deathly pallor. A trip to the doctor and a number of tests showe...

Yesterday I had lunch with some friends. People I love. We talked of many things, kids, husbands, friends, vacations, movies......movies....you would think that movies would be a safe subject. One of the friends watches nothing with any violence, bad language, strong themes, so basically this year she could see Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, Last Christmas and anything put out by Kirk Cameron. I totally get it, those things hurt her senses but it's slim pickins!  She accidently got talked into seeing Harriet. While she appreciated the acting, the violence was really hard for her. One of the other gals at lunch shook her head and said, "I just don't watch that kind of stuff anymore. They just need to get over it." "They" meaning African American people as a whole. Yes she did. This woman I consider a friend said that. I said nothing, knowing that it was not my place, not my home and knowing that nothing I said was going to change her opinion about how she view...

To all people who hate Jews: If the Jews have been trying to take over the country for the last 100 years like I have often heard you say, they've done it quite ineptly therefore you can set aside your fears and now know they are not a threat... Otherwise, they are just trying to live their lives like everyone else and you've spent your emotional energy and deep soul value on hating someone who has no power to hurt you and probably does not know you exist. They/we just want to live, raise families, work and be free in this country like everyone else. They/we are the rest of us. Ditto for people of color Ditto for LGBTQ people Ditto for women Ditto for anyone you choose to hate for NO GOOD REASON Why not try another way of life. Why not try to be happy and not hate, not fear, not tear your soul up one microscopic particle by particle and try some love. Signed..... proud Snowflake.

I was young...maybe 22, newly married and fairly wide-eyed when it came to the world. Some of my contemporaries had already been unburdened from the nativete of childhood but I still carried the remnants. The washer in the condo I lived in went out. A trip to the laundromat was in order. I tried to find one in a safe neighborhood and felt pretty comfortable to find a clean one that was being watched over by a very elderly man. We exchange pleasantries, I did my duties and then proceeded to read Lake Wobegon Days. Laundry out of washers into the dryers (you cannot deny the efficiency of getting it all done at one time), I was leaning on the metal for warmth, enmeshed in my book. I look up to see the man walking out of his office. His too small t-shirt was not sufficient to hide the fact that he was starkers from the waist down. I learned a few things in the few seconds before left the place. I learned that gravity takes hold of men's privates in a way that I had been sheltere...

This morning something I was watching jogged a memory, one that was filled with such pain that I thought I would write it down. Probably 2010 or 11, I was in my mid 40's when my OB diagnosed me with HPV. She warned me not to jump to conclusions, saying that the virus could lie dormant in the body for decades before showing up. I did not jump to conclusions, despite the very long odds, I trusted. It turned out to be misplaced trust but I did not know that at the time. The treatment for the virus was something called a LEEP procedure. It was done in office. It was painful and shame filled and, well, heartbreaking. I can't explain it...those were just my feelings. During the procedure something happened. I'm am not exactly sure what. It may have been a panic attack, it may have been my body reacting. My chest hurt, I couldn't breath, laying there I saw myself detaching and it was ok with it. All the sudden, I hear the doctor calling my name loudly, she got up and ...

I can't sleep. It's 4:48 am and I'm at my office binge watching Atypical. Ah well, tomorrow's another day. Oh wait, it's already tomorrow. I think I'll go watch the sunrise in about 2 hours. Happy Friday!

My Frenchie has a badly docked tail. It did not cause a problem until the last 2 months. Now she has an infection. The docking created a kind of hole where the tail should be. Now that there is a problem, we’ve christened it her “second butthole”. A trip to the vet 2 weeks ago has not improved the situation, nor the smell emanating from that special spot.  A second trip yesterday finds us with oral antibiotics and a powder form to dust her butt end.  A young tech checked us in. She was learning the ropes and doing things slowly and methodically. Therefore, when she took Sophie’s temperature, I just didn’t have the heart to tell her that she used the wrong hole. Nor was I inclined to out her to the vet when she questioned why the second butthole had Vaseline on it. When she reprimanded me that it is far better to keep it dry, I took it with a smile. Sophie not so much. UPDATE: Vet says this is not a docking but a physical deformity.....Poor Sophs.

As you all have promised me over the last few years, saying goodbye has gotten easier. Boy 2 left Friday night for Portland and boy 1 left just a few minutes ago. I enjoyed my time with them both very much but it was time to say goodbye and I was able to do it without so much as a Teardrop. That feels good. They are living their lives and I am getting good at living mine. All is well