Get Over It

Yesterday I had lunch with some friends. People I love.

We talked of many things, kids, husbands, friends, vacations, movies......movies....you would think that movies would be a safe subject. One of the friends watches nothing with any violence, bad language, strong themes, so basically this year she could see Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, Last Christmas and anything put out by Kirk Cameron. I totally get it, those things hurt her senses but it's slim pickins!  She accidently got talked into seeing Harriet. While she appreciated the acting, the violence was really hard for her. One of the other gals at lunch shook her head and said, "I just don't watch that kind of stuff anymore. They just need to get over it."

"They" meaning African American people as a whole. Yes she did. This woman I consider a friend said that. I said nothing, knowing that it was not my place, not my home and knowing that nothing I said was going to change her opinion about how she views the black experience and the lifetimes upon lifetimes of oppression and poverty.  She and her husband, both raised in tough situations, pulled themselves up by their bootstraps and I think that she believes that everyone has that same opportunity if they just take it.

How simplistic and naive. It if far more complex than that and to not educate oneself a little, find a place of empathy and some understanding is a disservice to them and herself. I'm not saying she should see it just like I see it, but at least look at history and statistics to populate some of your opinion instead of simply basing it on your own life experience.

I left lunch feeling really sad. Not just because of that but, boy, did that put a dark cloud over things. Overall, this is a lovely gal but it was disheartening.

Comments

  1. Margaret (Peggy or Peg too)December 18, 2019 at 6:59 AM

    Been there. That would have killed me to be quiet. I would have because as you said, not your home. But people like this piss me off. (sorry) Someday those words are going to bite her in the ass. Hopefully someone tells her the same thing and may it hit home!

    ReplyDelete
  2. JenniferDecember 18, 2019 at 7:14 AM

    I hate it when someone I like and respect suddenly says something like this and my whole view of them is changed forevermore. Like you, I would not have said anything in someone else's home, but I might talk with her later in private (if she's a real friend and not just an acquaintance). Lots of people say things like that not out of malice, but as a result of never having given racism any real serious thought. They act like slavery was far, far, in the distant past when in actuality it was only a very few generations back. Of course, Jim Crow and other consequences of slavery were well within living memory. She's probably just privileged and shallow and hasn't considered the issue deeply. (I'm trying to be generous here). Maybe you can be the spark that causes her to think more about it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. anne marie in phillyDecember 18, 2019 at 8:43 AM

    jim crow is alive and well. bet this broad supports donald dump. a remark like that would cause me to discontinue any "friendship" with this person.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Marie SmithDecember 18, 2019 at 9:23 AM

    That was a tough situation. I don’t know what I would have said or done. It is hard when it is a friend.

    ReplyDelete
  5. BillDecember 18, 2019 at 11:54 AM

    Wow, naive and ignorant. People just assume everyone has the same opportunities available to them but they don't. I think I would have said something and then left but then again I'm not in that situation. I don't like or care for it but it happens somewhere every single day. It's sad and will continue to be so for a very long time I'm afraid.

    ReplyDelete
  6. SabineDecember 18, 2019 at 1:32 PM

    Been there too, just a different prejudice, different whiff of xenophobia.
    Walked away from one friend, too, felt I needed a bath after that. We got back together eventually and had a good shout and cry.

    ReplyDelete
  7. MarthaDecember 19, 2019 at 5:29 AM

    It's always tough to hear these things from friends. Not an easy position to be in.

    ReplyDelete
  8. JeanieDecember 19, 2019 at 1:53 PM

    No, it wouldn't have changed her opinion and probably would have made the lunch even edgier. But you are so right -- it is profoundly sad.

    ReplyDelete

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