Love and Care

24 years ago, a former employer, good friend and someone still connected to my business, asked me for a favor. He and a couple of his friends decided to open an indoor skateboard park. None of them had experience in this, they were winging it and they asked me to do their accounting.



At the time, I had three little ones, was pregnant with my 4th and was running my own business. I had a full plate. I ended up saying yes, unable to establish good boundaries and feeling like I owed him for his love and friendship.

I had some decent accounting experience but nothing related to this type of business. It would have several revenue streams, including admissions, memberships, instructions, retail, food and large events. I had a ton to learn and had to learn it on the fly. The park opened in July, I had my baby in September and my then-husband got very sick in New Years Day.

By January 15th, he had lost 25 lbs and had a deathly pallor. A trip to the doctor and a number of tests showed a severe ulcer in the stomach, an H. pylori infection, and a mass on the liver. He was given a terminal diagnosis by that doctor. Cancer of the liver, spread from an unknown source to be determined.

For 6 weeks we lived with that sentence. Swamped at work, 3 young ones and a brand new baby, and a dying husband. My friend did not offer to replace me but I did not ask. Why didn't I? What the hell was so missing inside of me that I could not ASK for relief from a friend?

It was a huge sense of unworthiness. Fear and unworthiness. I could not self care, I had to keep plugging on. I needed to prove that I was worthy.

 I see how sick that was now but, truly, at the time I felt I had NO options. NONE.

The skateboard park is long gone. My friend is still here and I love him dearly. It was not his job to care for me...it was mine. As it turned out, my ex's diagnosis was incorrect, the doctor was irresponsible and jumped the gun but it took me another 20 years to learn to care for myself. Even now it doesn't come real natural. I have to work at it, remembering to love me and listen carefully to what I need.

I hope that you know how to love and care for you. If not, it's never too late..it's a great feeling once you learn how.

Comments

  1. Margaret (Peggy or Peg too)December 19, 2019 at 7:53 AM

    This is a HUGE lesson. One that has taken me years and I still struggle. My partner/spouse has be instrumental in a lot of this I must admit.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Marie SmithDecember 19, 2019 at 9:03 AM

    That was a tough one to learn and it isn’t done overnight. You’ve come a long way, Linda!

    ReplyDelete
  3. JeanieDecember 19, 2019 at 2:18 PM

    Oh Linda, this is just so sad. And yet, so empowering, too, to know that while THEN you didn't have whatever was required -- the self esteem, the wherewithall -- to ask, that NOW you do. That we evolve. We all evolve and you have so wonderfully. Remembering to love ourselves can be very hard but essential and you make the point beautifully.

    ReplyDelete
  4. SabineDecember 20, 2019 at 2:45 AM

    Oh my, that was a hard lesson. But you have done great, Linda, one of the reasons I read your blog, inspiring.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Debra She Who SeeksDecember 20, 2019 at 7:35 AM

    How far you've come! It must give you great satisfaction to see your own growth. Congrats, my friend!

    ReplyDelete
  6. My life so farDecember 20, 2019 at 4:23 PM

    I'm still learning too. I'm glad that we both are. You inspire me.

    ReplyDelete

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