An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

September has always been a busy month. I was born on the 14th, my two boys on the 27th and the 9th and my bonus girl on the 5th. When I was still married, there was also our anniversary. Now that the kids are grown, the marriage is gone, and there is no longer a big deal made about birthdays, the pressure is way off. It also means I don't go into the Christmas holidays already in debt, which I often did in the early years. September has come and is now going quietly and I welcome October with a full heart. Life keeps getting better as I heal from the past and embrace, instead of fight, the unknown future. I am also thrilled to watch my man grow and take responsibility for himself in new ways. Life is what I decide it will be. It has its ups and downs but I get to choose how I wear those. I can cloak myself with the sadness and misfortune and miss the good or I can shed the cloak and see the beauty while weathering the storms. Same life, different perspective. It's how I ...

The Boy Scout's 5 broken ribs are on the mend.....slowly. Probably due to his advanced age 😉 It's been a frustrating, encouraging, hard learning experience. Since we've only been together for a little over 4 years, there are still things that we have to learn about each other. This has gone better than I imagined, mainly due to the fact that we both are working hard at emotional growth and being loving, supportive partners. This is all new and goes hand in hand with the ACA program we are both doing. Finally, we are looking for a good home for the best dog I ever owned. Life with these two has become unmanageable. The puppy is now spending way too much time outside alone. The old girl spends way too much time in the house. And we are left trying to avoid another dog fight, another large vet bill, another trip to the hospital, another broken bone. I cannot give up the Frenchie. She is old, she smells bad, snores horribly, and she adores me...it would not be fair. So ...

Personal growth, for me, is where I have the ability to ignore my brain, let those dark thoughts come in and the breeze right back out again, and remain myself with self love and integrity intact. I am not my thoughts and my thoughts are not me. I am my love, my actions and the way I walk through this world. I used to call myself a bitch because my thoughts can be pretty darn bitchy. When I look at how I interact with people and the way I care for this planet, I am really not so bitchy after all. I am honoring my Higher Power, my God as it is, by being a good steward, being present and by gratitude for being here and noticing its magnificence. Even in hard times, when it is a habit, one can find something beautiful.

Today the Boy Scout has surgery to put plates on his broken ribs. He knew there was something wrong because he felt clicking inside. Hopefully, starting tomorrow, he'll be on the mend. The man has had many surgerys aside from the three he has had since I met him. The two new knees and a rotator cuff are recent. The surgerys stemming from the 16 year old, drunk and high girl, that demolished his car late one night when he was 24, were numerous. In a residential area, the neighbors left him for dead, lying on the sidewalk, yards from the mangled car he was driving. He loves to tell people that he used to be good looking. The man doesn't know exactly what happened to that girl since her rough around the edges father threatened him when he showed up, on crutches, to her trial. He didn't bother to go back....I think he had enough on his plate. Broken this and broken that....he's used to it all. Last night we spoke of the things you should speak of .... just in case. C...

The Boy Scout broke 3 ribs during yet another dog fight. I am not a good nurse and he is not the best patient. Pray for me Just kidding.....I'm taking pretty good care of him.

My boy is home! Here for a few days visit and I am ecstatic. He informed me just before the flight that he had a little surprise. My selfish self slightly hoped that they were pregnant...just a little. I am admitting this with a little reluctance and a dollop of shame. Instead, my boy (who is not a boy) got a really good promotion within his company and I am very happy for him. I knew it was not their time. I knew that it was purely self centered and that they will have kids when it is the best time for them and I, as I love him with all my heart, would desire nothing else at all. It was a fleeting feeling and now it is gone and I am just happy that he is happy, that they are flourishing and living their lives purposefully. So now, I am free to enjoy 2 1/2 days of contentedness and being fully present.  Enjoy your weekend.

This is more for my fellow lady bloggers than the guys. Did you know about restaurants and bars putting ice in urinals? I, for the first time at 55, just heard that this is fairly common practice. Incredulous, I peppered the person with questions as he acted as if I were a complete numbskull. This puts a whole new twist on "You learn something new everyday".

I was talking to someone the other day that said they had no problem that AMAZON PAID NO TAXES  in 2018 to the government. Their take was that Amazon gives so much back to the economy by the amount of people they employ etc. that is works out. But do they pay their employees well? Recently, Congresswoman Katie Porter questioned Jamie Dimon, CEO JP Morgan Chase, on how an employee of JP Morgan Chase was suppose to be able to live on the salary she was being paid as a full time employee of his bank. He first questioned her figures, then he shut down and repeatedly gave a rote answer. Jamie got a little raise in January...I am not sure how he manages on $39,000,000.00 a year but someone has to do it. Now, I wouldn't think a lot about this EXCEPT JP Morgan Chase took $25 billion of TARP funds even though said bank was actually in pretty good shape. According to Wiki... This was the fifth largest amount transferred under Section A of TARP [33]  to help troubled assets re...

Through the years our kids will sometimes cause us pain. Whether it is from harsh words, bad choices or lack of consideration, it can sting. Now that mine are either adults or young adults those things happen hardly ever. Partially because we are not so tightly intertwined and, hopefully, because I have learned to let go and let live. But there are times, on occasion, when words are said or unsaid, when I feel diminished. It hurts. It’s almost as if I am not a person with feelings. I want to lash out but that would be my inner child who is entirely thinned skinned. I don’t and let it pass. They are still young and have a lot to learn. I will take a tub and lick my wounds and keep my words to myself, and remember that I sometimes use words that feel weapons too. Next time I am engaging with someone, I  may be more careful.