That Smarts

Through the years our kids will sometimes cause us pain. Whether it is from harsh words, bad choices or lack of consideration, it can sting.

Now that mine are either adults or young adults those things happen hardly ever. Partially because we are not so tightly intertwined and, hopefully, because I have learned to let go and let live. But there are times, on occasion, when words are said or unsaid, when I feel diminished. It hurts. It’s almost as if I am not a person with feelings. I want to lash out but that would be my inner child who is entirely thinned skinned. I don’t and let it pass.

They are still young and have a lot to learn. I will take a tub and lick my wounds and keep my words to myself, and remember that I sometimes use words that feel weapons too. Next time I am engaging with someone, I  may be more careful.

Comments

  1. Marie SmithSeptember 1, 2019 at 3:35 AM

    The most cutting of instruments has a different metal!

    ReplyDelete
  2. My life so farSeptember 1, 2019 at 5:37 AM

    Families are damned complicated and so good at hurting each other. Sigh.

    ReplyDelete
  3. GraceSeptember 1, 2019 at 8:45 AM

    Because sarcasm is my first language, and because my family are masters of derogatory abusive language, I have learned to speak my initial reaction internally and voice only neutral reactions. It hasn't always been easy but it has brought more peace, to me, at any rate.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Debra She Who SeeksSeptember 1, 2019 at 9:01 AM

    I look back now at some of the unkind or unfair things I said to my Mom, and cringe. We all knew everything when we were young, didn't we?

    ReplyDelete
  5. JeanieSeptember 1, 2019 at 11:04 AM

    We've all had those moments -- and still do... it's the goes 'round, comes 'round, I suppose. You will all survive, I hope. Licking wounds is a good start.

    ReplyDelete
  6. BillSeptember 1, 2019 at 11:38 AM

    Sometimes my wife will give me a look when I speak words that have an edge to them or my tone is kind of nasty. Then I put that in my memory bank so I won't repeat it again.
    I love that quote, it says it all!

    ReplyDelete
  7. BohemianSeptember 4, 2019 at 5:31 PM

    Yes, Words unfiltered can leave so much damage in their wake. All of our Children and most of our Grandchildren are now Adults and my expectation is that they will still show respect to their Elders and yet also feel that I value their input as Grown Maturing/Matured Individuals too and will mutually respect them. The behavior of Adults making wrong choices has mostly been the bane of Parenting Adult Children and Adult Grandchildren... a huge part of you wants to spare them Life's harsh consequences for foolish actions and poor choices. Of coarse, leaving a line of communication open to where they know they can consult their Elders with solicited advice works wonders... I refuse to give unsolicited advice to any Grown person. I Hope the Hurt and Sting of whatever transpired can Heal quickly or be discussed later when Emotions aren't so Raw?

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

What do you have to say about that?

Popular posts from this blog

Private Eye

Image
We pass by the house frequently since it sits on a busy thoroughfare. We know to look every time we pass and guess what will we see. Will it be the two Dalmatians, sitting on the couch that backs up to the giant panel window, waiting for their human to come home? Or will it be their human, sitting slightly to the right of middle (allowing for a better view of the giant mounted tv across the room) of the said couch. They are never there at the same time. It’s one or the other. One sleepless night, when my body was willing but my brain was not, I did a little sleuthing. It’s amazing what you can find out about a complete stranger.   His name is Gary and, from what I can tell, he’s never been married. He has worked his way up in a air duct company. He’s now the senior VP but it’s a small company and he still goes out on jobs, judging from  the reviews on Yelp. I know he has two siblings and that their father passed away in 2018. His memorial was held in a Buddhist temple and Gary sr. soun
Read more

Let's Be Perfectly Clear

I would like your input on this letter I am considering sending out. Darryl, I once considered you, if not a friend, a very friendly acquaintance. Our daughters are the same age. I am sure that your daughter is as special to you as mine is to me. McKenna is 21 years old and starting out her life with some tough situations. SHE IS NOT AN OBJECT. She is a person who has her ups and downs, her struggles and triumphs. She has, in the past year, completely alone, had to make scary medical decisions for her mentally ill, addicted father. She has had to watch as the man who was an amazing father slowly turn into a shell of a man who has little to give and much to take. Whether purposefully or accidentally, you have added to her already difficult year. I wonder…would you appreciate my ex-husband leering and making inappropriate comments to your daughter over the course of a long evening? Think about that for a moment!  What were you hoping to achieve with your behavior? Whether
Read more

Go!

Image
 Vai. E, se der medo, vai con medo mesmo. When one is raised in an angry family, it’s not enough to say I don’t want to be angry. You must learn how to do it differently. That’s no easy task. If judgment and self hatred became a way of life, a new way to live has to be taught. There are many ways to do it. Reading, writing, sharing, practicing all help the change. Counseling, psychoanalysis, religion, meditation, gratitude, have the ability to transform but I needed to see it in action, it needed to be more tangible, visual, accessible. I needed to understand the possibilities. There is a YouTube channel that I watch over and over again in order to absorb how to live more fully, more open and from the heart. One of the first episodes that I stumbled on is this…. The channel is Reflections of Life and through it we get to meet people who are doing life a little differently, often more soul based. People who are living life, healing wounds and finding what is truly important.  It can be
Read more