An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

Yesterday, I was having a sweet little chat with my girl. We talked about lots of things, caught up on what her friends were up to and progress in school. I love it when we both have the time and inclination to do this. Making true connections is what life is all about and, being an introvert, deeper conversation is how I roll, small talk zaps my energy. She mentioned that she was putting some of my "mom" cream on her face as it was really dry from a medication she was taking, and that as she applied it she thought about how she realizes I use the cream to alleviate wrinkles in some small way and that she just doesn't see wrinkles when she looks at me. She says she just sees her beautiful mom. SWEET!  Funny thing was, I relayed to her that I had just been thinking about something along the same line as her. The other day she had been pretty upset at some breakouts she was having and it made me sad that she wasted a minute of her happiness on zits. I said they look much...

Breathe, don't react Close my eyes and detach Stay on my side of the road, Live and let live Yessiree, moving forward.

Things on my daily to do list to increase happiness and decrease enmity. Gratefulness ...The more I practice it, and I mean PRACTICE, the happier I am. Stop Comparing ...I am who I am. A little wrinkled, very flat chested and prone to criticism and mood swings. On the other hand, I am a great listener, very loyal, I try to be kind, have a wonderful head of hair and am in pretty good shape for 52. I keep trying to improve but not to be like someone else, just a better me. Lower Expectations ...not giving in or giving up just learning to let things happen. Love People for Who They Are .,..Whew, hard one but it feels really good to them and it feels good to me when I manage it. Live and let live. Facing Fears ...Daily doing things that challenge my long held beliefs or my introverted tendencies. Love Me Too .

Little by little, I find that the tools I have acquired from Al-Anon are becoming easier to pick up in the middle of a "situation".  Lately, those wonderful tools have been pretty much default except in the case of the Boy Scout. Why? Most likely because he now has the most power to hurt me, to cause emotional damage. Therefore, those old protective reactions will burst forward before the tools....then at some point there is a shift and, somehow, the tools make their way to the surface and that ugly protective guard gets lowered. I can almost watch it as it happens; very strange. Loving the Boy Scout has been easy. He's smart, funny, affectionate, encouraging and mild in temperament. Opening myself up to him has not been easy at all. Brené Brown says, "Most people believe vulnerability is weakness. But really, vulnerability is courage. We must ask ourselves... are we willing to show up and be seen?" .  Being vulnerable was never easy for me. After what ha...

Deep breathe. let the emotion flow unrestricted and then let it go.

Al-Anon has given me the gift of acceptance. It was a gift I did not know that I needed but I needed more than I can express. How acceptance manifests itself in my life is interesting and lovely.  Acceptance has allowed me to love my children exactly how they are.  Their strengths and flaws...I can love them equally, beauty in the imperfections. I can sit back and allow them to live their lives, rejoice and mourn with them, without judging their decisions or motivations. Not perfectly, but with determination I try. My only regret is that I did not learn this sooner, so that they felt unconditional love from the very beginning. Knowing that I did the best I could with the tools I had helps with that feeling of regret but the deep desire to be the best parent I could, to provide the stable childhood I did not have, whispers to me at times "Shame on you" for your failures. Luckily for me, all four of my kids are kind and loving and never make me feel like less of a person...

Went to my fearful state last night; felt like communing with old familiar friend. But I did something different with it. I took a long hot bath, broke it down to figure out what I was truly feeling and kept on track with the single issue without straying much to the other things that will "make the case" against the person I was struggling with. The voice in my head tried hard to sabotage my efforts. It told me, "Don't be a fool", "Fix this situation NOW", "There is only right and wrong and nothing in between", and, finally, "Win so that you are not the loser!". Then the voice eggs me on to pile everything up on top of the current issue, leaving no stone unturned. Tools were pulled out....remembering that I could have my healthy boundaries while allowing the other person to be themselves is crucial. I get to choose whether them being themselves is something I can live with, but I don't have to choose today, I don't ...