Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Leave the Stones Unturned

Went to my fearful state last night; felt like communing with old familiar friend.

But I did something different with it. I took a long hot bath, broke it down to figure out what I was truly feeling and kept on track with the single issue without straying much to the other things that will "make the case" against the person I was struggling with. The voice in my head tried hard to sabotage my efforts. It told me, "Don't be a fool", "Fix this situation NOW", "There is only right and wrong and nothing in between", and, finally, "Win so that you are not the loser!". Then the voice eggs me on to pile everything up on top of the current issue, leaving no stone unturned.

Tools were pulled out....remembering that I could have my healthy boundaries while allowing the other person to be themselves is crucial. I get to choose whether them being themselves is something I can live with, but I don't have to choose today, I don't have to let my thoughts undermine something that is precious to me. In the end, it may not work the way I want but that is OK. Holding on to something with two tight fists is a really bad way to go. Throwing something away with renegade emotions ruling my actions is completely unacceptable. Trying to force someone to change to fit my needs is minimizing them as person and sabotaging the relationship.

Just for today I will breathe and be open to what is beautiful in this life I have been given. I will try to allow life to unfold without playing God....someone else already has that job.

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