Monday, January 25, 2016

Don't Get Discouraged

Little by little, I find that the tools I have acquired from Al-Anon are becoming easier to pick up in the middle of a "situation". 

Lately, those wonderful tools have been pretty much default except in the case of the Boy Scout. Why? Most likely because he now has the most power to hurt me, to cause emotional damage. Therefore, those old protective reactions will burst forward before the tools....then at some point there is a shift and, somehow, the tools make their way to the surface and that ugly protective guard gets lowered. I can almost watch it as it happens; very strange.

Loving the Boy Scout has been easy. He's smart, funny, affectionate, encouraging and mild in temperament. Opening myself up to him has not been easy at all. Bren√© Brown says, "Most people believe vulnerability is weakness. But really, vulnerability is courage. We must ask ourselves... are we willing to show up and be seen?".  Being vulnerable was never easy for me. After what happened with the Secret Keeper, so much the harder. 

My goal is to put down my defenses and know that if the Boy Scout is not man enough to handle it, that it will be his loss and I am no less a person. I've learned I can survive some pretty devastating stuff, I can be on my own. My big reactions are generated by fear of what may happen and self protection. It's time to face the fear and feel it, recognize what it is and allow it to ebb away and know I'll be OK no matter what. 

Don't get discouraged, keep trying. Better days are ahead.

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