An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

I'm learning to take the world as it is. It morphs and moves and changes at its own pace and timing. I use to fight it. Every morning putting on my very best armor, picking up my weapons in a futile attempt at making this life look that way I desired. Perhaps that's the Al-Anon in me but it is also that young mother in me. For a time, we as mothers, have such a tremendous control of our microcosm of life. Or maybe even that was just an illusion, Either way, on my road to happiness, I'm finding that being grateful deep within my soul for the many, many wonderful things that have taken place in my life is crucial. Recognizing my God's hand gently turning my face to the light. Both the wondrous and difficult times are there....each used as an integral part of a life's journey of learning and loving. May I always see the hard times as a chance to grow to a new faith, a deepening love or a stronger foundation. T AKE  the world as it is!—there are good a...

Just for Today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I may have mentioned before that I was reading The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael Singer. It has been a tough read for me. The whole idea of the voice in my head not being me at all. I have kept at it and will keep doing so but in between I picked up T he Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom,  by Don Migul Ruiz.  Love this book to the moon! Applying the four concepts to my life fits right in with Al-Anon teachings and has, once again, allowed me to let go of a lot of baggage that weighs me down. The second agreement  is to Take Nothing Personally. AWESOME!  Don’t take anything personally  is a beautiful tool of interaction with your own kind, human to human. And it’s a big ticket to p...

Just for Today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for 12 hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime. Yup, just for today I will concentrate on breathing. I've done it before and I can do it again. Love this new life I've been given.

"Easy Does It," an expression used by AA and Al-Anon alike. An excellent reminder for me, as an Al-Anon, to remember when a situation feels out of control. How many situations are truly "out of control"? Very few.....it's just a feeling in my gut that tightens and squeezes and releases Adrenalin and makes EVERYTHING seem so out of focus and on hyper speed. It makes me want to stop, guide, regulate, conjole, fix and put all the ducks in a neat little row, pat them on they're heads and say, "Good job for understanding that this is the best and most logical thing to do."  Making myself the Higher Power in life is exhausting, frustrating to my loved ones who have their own paths to walk, and giving me the constant feeling of failure. Easy Does It girl! Take a breath, relax and take responsibility for me. Let those around me make their choices, allow them to live their lives without the puncturing of my tender ego. It's not about me.  Ste...

As I mentioned in another post, I find myself in a new relationship. This is an interesting, wonderful and confusing time. There is the whole idea of a divorce not yet final. Minor detail to some, huge to others. Not quite sure myself....mixed emotions. The bigger issue is the lack of trust in myself to make the right decisions. Recovery has given me many new tools but the right ones?  How does one know for sure? Perhaps I should make a list of pro's and con's except that seems so judgmental and I cannot deny that my fears are still many and my biases, even more. Two years ago, I would not have hesitated to write this guy off. BAM! But he has many wonderful qualities that cannot be overlooked. Therefore, reconsidering my old belief system, reevaluating my black and whites. Living by a new standard that leads to way more happiness than the one I used to adhere to. Love Fiercely, forgive quickly. Beautiful♥

The papers have been served and, unless I am mistaken, if there are no issues, I could be divorced as early as September 10th. I would love to NOT celebrate my 30th anniversary. You would think there would be nothing but happiness but that is not the case. Very bittersweet. In my heart I know this is the only answer but I find myself wishing there were other options available. I know that I deserve this divorce and that it is the healthiest thing for me but it feels selfish. It still feels like abandoning a sick person to the mercy of an angry ocean, being thrust back and forth by a force that he cannot control. Perhaps I am giving him too little credit or maybe I am giving myself way more than I should.  Like a true Al-Anon, I think that somehow I could make this situation better. Closing my eyes with a wry grin, I remind myself of the years of useless attempts to change behaviors. Remembering that it was self delusion that told me I could impact the actions of this person who...

I've met someone. Someone special. We have talked long term and we have shared future hopes and dreams. Continuing to live in today....to enjoy each moment as best I can, to use the lessons learned in order to have a more peaceful and fulfilling relationship. Staying sane even when events could send me spiraling with the out of control feeling that is Oh So Very Familiar! I am proud of me and am grateful for the wonderful feelings and experiences. Working the program that has changed my life. If you're not sure, go to Al-anon and give it a try.  What have you got to lose? I am a guarded person by nature and "jaded" comes to mind when I attempt to describe myself. But that self knowledge has helped me work on those parts. Trying hard not to jump to conclusions and make quick judgments.  Keep an open mind girl!! The other evening, after having a tough afternoon that included a mini breakdown on the kitchen floor, my special someone came over. I think we at...