An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

Life is quiet.  I am fighting it.During this COVID outbreak, it would be a good time to adjust, stay home a bunch, eat a lot of healthy, home cooked, non-processed foods, read more, fill my journal. But I am a rebellious teenager, pushing back on the restrictions (within reason). I wear a mask, I wash and alco-gel often but I don't stay home much. Why not? I suppose it has to do with the fact that when I am home, I have a hard time shifting gears to just enjoying it and often see it as tasks to be done. I don't love to sit and watch tv or read. I consume many books but the majority are audio which I take in while puttering in the garden, scrubbing the floors, any menial task that allows my mind to focus on the words but lets my body keep moving. Something inside me fights it. The slowing down. It might be that I associate it with the elderly and how they conserve their energy (often in front of a television). I want to keep going. Keep limber. Get my heartrate up. Truthfully, I...

Is anyone else having trouble you the new format and iPhone. I can’t get to the blogs I read.  The menu won’t let me scroll down that far. The only place I can read or comment is on my Work pc. Very frustrating. 

Morning and happy Saturday, It's overcast here and just a little bit on the chilly side. It's so funny how a few years ago I would have been bundled up and freezing. I was almost always cold. One of the many benefits of menopause. I run a little warmer than I used to. One of the drawbacks has been the the 10 lb weight gain mostly in my backside and belly. I work hard at loving my body and am up to the challenge. I'll get there. I've spending more time in the tropical garden that I inherited from the previous owner and the addition/revamp of my garage/granny flat is ongoing. We've had some setbacks but are moving forward. Impossible to keep this old house clean while construction is going on, which can make me a little crazy. Lately, I've been enjoying the blog   NO WAY CAFE . It's filled with wisdom and love and it reminds me to move inward at any given time.  Off to try some beach yoga. Have a great day.

Can I share a victory? Something happened at home that was hard and scary for me but I stayed present and did not go to the terrible place that I often go to. I used great self talk of love and assurance that I could handle the situation. I did not need to shame or control and tried for empathy. I felt like a normal healthy person. Moving in the right direction.  Thank you to my cheerleading section who remind me on a regular basis that.... I got this!!!

The Secret  Keeper has his ups and downs which is the nature of mental illness. When he is well I don't hear from him too much. Bi-Polar disorder cyclically takes its host from high highs to low lows. In the beginning, when the person is well, one tends to think positive....maybe my person is getting better but over time one realizes that there will always be ups and downs....ALWAYS. He's in the middle of a low right now so I get things like this: There are many times I wish I could talk to "The Hand" . Sincerely,        Missing out! I would often jokingly tell  him to talk to the hand when we disagreed......and this...  Seriously though, I was either looking or waiting for a sign that you loved me, were in love wth me or none of the above but culdnt say, or wasn't paying attention or didn't feel the Braille signs that were there but I failed to read. Instead I did horrific things to you that can not be forgiven. I rolled over like a golden retriever c...

Last night, out of the blue, an old acquaintance came to visit.  It’s been two years and one day since the last big homecoming. That time, it was a long time before leaving and I lived in dread, wondering if an exit would ever take place.  The old friend? A dizzying case of vertigo. A trip to the hospital resulted in a  “go home and sleep it off”. That time I could not tell up from down and, to be honest, it seems like that case did some damage somewhere deep inside my brain. I never went back to normal, staying just a little off kilter to varying degrees. After about a month, I could drive and work again as long as I was careful.  It’s more manageable today but it is not remotely fun.  This time, I’m not borrowing trouble, fretting about how long it will last or how bad will it get. I will, for the moment, stay in the moment. Ask me tomorrow and may have a different answer but for now I’m choosing to be sort of ok. 

I am perfectly smitten and cannot get enough: And if you only want to watch one, you must see this one💗