An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

The United States of America Attorney General, Jeff Sessions, is chanting “lock her up.” Does anyone else see a YUGE problem with this? This just boggles the mind but if there were truly a reason to LOCK HER THE FUCK UP, shouldn’t he be the one doing it? Sycophantic little troll.

 I am so relieved at how much better my vertigo is today. It is still there, but nothing like before. If it stayed like this, I could live with it. There would be things I could never do again, such as ride a roller coaster, go running or spin a child around, but I could drive, exercise, probably golf and basically engage in life’s more sedate activities. I’m at a greater risk for falling so I’m being pretty careful. The thing is, at this point I could manage and that makes it not quite as scary as it was 4 days ago. I’d love it if I woke up tomorrow and it was gone completely but it’s not gonna change my happiness. That’s mine to choose and so I do. Hope your day is going great. 

So today is the 4 year anniversary of starting over; a fresh beginning. I didnt see it that way then but we hardly ever do as we walk through darkness. We rarely look up from our pain and say “Wow, isn’t this great”? Wouldn’t it be great if we could be so trusting and in the moment that we could have the faith the everything will be as it should. That’s not how it played out then but I did do the best I could. And now that I am in a better place, I’d like to think that I’d handle it all differently. Who knows? I’d like to never go through anything like it again but maybe I will be tested. And if so, I will still do the best I can at that point in time. That’s all any of us have....our best. Not perfect, not pretty, but dirty and messy and OURS. I wish you your very best today.

 Day eight… Remaining positive, keeping a stiff upper lip, looking on the bright side. Trying hard not to get discouraged. There has been improvement which is something to be grateful for.  Vertigo is not my friend but I may end up having to learn to live with it a little bit longer… I’ll do the best I can.

“The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.” — Victor Hugo I think we have to know how to give that to ourselves before we can offer it to someone else.  In addition to that, the receiver needs to know themselves. Unless they do, they have nothing to give but an act, like a role in a play. And that person, the real them, that they tried to shove down, to hide behind the scenes, eventually seeks a way out.   But if both are working towards the same goal.....what a beautiful idea....unconditional love. 

Day three of fairly severe vertigo. It’s disheartening and scary but I have wonderful and patient help so I am very lucky.  Mean while I’m grateful when the room slows down to a slow trot so I can read for a few minutes walk instead of crawl to the toilet. Tomorrow will be a better day.

I’m at Lowe’s today, starting another little project. I’ll post a picture when I’m done. I think I mentioned before that there is something about Lowe’s that brings on a feeling of melancholy. I’m happy in my life now, things are better than they’ve ever been before. But today, as I walk around, that feeling lingers. That slight sense of sadness. Ive got all the stuff I need and am starting towards the register when I see him…..an addict. Walking through Lowe’s as if everything is normal but all the signs are there. He looks to be between 35 and 40, but could possibly be 30 as that life style takes its toll. He’s tall or maybe not as tall as I think because he is so bloody thin.  Jerky movements and the nervous behavior are a few of the tell tell signs. And, of course, the face sores. I have to admit there was a time, in my younger days, when I would probably be a little judgemental  and wary. I am still wary but there’s a big piece of me that thinks about my kids father ...