Heart and Soul
Do you feel comfortable in your own skin?
I have not, ever. I can remember the feeling of discomfort and of "not belonging" even very tiny (perhaps diaper or just post diaper age). I cannot tell you why. I am not blaming a living soul. My parents loved me the best way they knew how. It was something inside; it was deep and wide.
At 56, as I heal and work on self love and staying in the now, I start to feel the easing of this discomfort. I start to sit in a group and not feel like I got there quite by accident.
Now I am starting to focus on connection and have come to the conclusion that connection and self love go hand in hand. As long as I don't like myself, value who I am, real connection will elude me. That's my hypothesis and, by god, I see it playing out. As I start to treat myself with loving tenderness, either others are sensing it or I am allowing them to draw near. What a lovely gift.
I am going on a hike with a friend. It feels slightly odd to me but I am not able to express why here. I think I may need about 10 pages to dig into that. Either way, I am going to breathe, stay in the moment, learn what I can from a sort of mentor and remain true to myself, caring for my feelings and what I need.
My skin was always ok, it was my soul that needed the attention.
So, do you?
I had to learn the hard way that to love others and have others love you, you have to love yourself first. now I ROCK! and people love me! LOVE YOU, LINDA; enjoy your hike.
ReplyDeleteLove you right back Anne Marie!!!!!
DeleteThis is a really interesting post. I am as damaged as the next woman; however, I've always been pretty comfortable in my own skin. As an adult child of an alcoholic, I either had to learn to love myself or I would have been unhappy. I was willing to do anything, change anything, try anything to be happy. After much experimentation (and therapy) I got strong. I have to admit I had some artistic and academic talents that gave me a sense of self worth/love from an early age. I think learning to rely on and escape to those talents gave me a strong ego that I rely on.
ReplyDeleteI love reading this. It gives me insight and is quite vulnerable. Thanks Colette♥
DeleteIf I'm honest, I thought I felt better in my skin when I was a size 6. But when I was that size, my soul was flat busted broke! I was angry and judgemental and I smoked and drank alcohol to excess. I worked 10 hour days and was stressed beyond my limits.
ReplyDeleteI just didn't know it.
Now, 10 years later I realize that the healthier my soul becomes the more weight I put on.
But I'm not happy at this weight. I wanna be skinny again. I am a head case. :)
I get it!
DeleteMostly I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, unless I'm home and I don't have to interact with anyone but my hubby. I've never been comfortable and I think I can trace it back to bad experiences when I was baby and was "watched over" by a dumb-ass neighbor while my parents tended to my twin brother who had serious gastric issues and needed to be fed a zillion times a day. Dumb ass neighbor didn't behave himself when it came to respecting my little baby body. I never trusted anyone after that.
ReplyDeleteI am pretty sure a lot of mine discomfort comes from something similar that I have flashes of memory of. A picture here, a scent there but it is hard to put my finger on it.
DeleteI believe there was a time when I didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin as a awkward teenager. That changed as I matured though and found success in my pursuits and realized what was important to me.
ReplyDeleteA number of years ago, a group of women invited me to a get together on a Saturday evening. The gossip of the evening wasn’t for me and I withdrew from that group. The experience confirmed for me what was important to me and how I wanted to live. I realized I felt comfortable in my own skin though I hadn’t given it much thought prior to that.
I find many groups of women that I do not feel my soul fed in. I'm beyond wasting my time on that.
DeleteYou know, I could have written that about myself, at least about myself up to maybe age 40. Today, I often ask myself what took you so long.
ReplyDeleteReading this was a good reminder to value myself again and again.
Hasve a good day and thank you.
It has taken me a long, long time, but yes. I get mad at my skin (metaphorical) sometimes but I still love it. This reminds me very much of a chapter I was reading in an Anne Lamott book today. A wonderful book -- I adore her!
ReplyDeleteI adore her too. So willing to share her stream of conscious thoughts that try to beat her down just like mine do. She is all about grace.
DeleteI've been an outsider for my entire life, right from Day One, but I have become enured to it. I don't expect to fit in anywhere anymore and that's just fine with me.
ReplyDeleteThis comment came as a complete surprise to me. I read your blog regularly and your responses to mine and others blogs and I wouldn't have expected this. I like the idea of relaxing in the discomfort and be OK with it.
DeleteI'm sorry I didn't understand, the hike is uncomfortable? I think my spouse is wearing off on me and I am losing my mind.
ReplyDeleteI have never felt 100% comfortable ever in my life. Usually my body was an issue. I doubt I ever will. I don't fit in. While it appeared I was popular I was not a fit in this or that group. I was all over. But what I have lacked in one area I have always had confidence. Being uncomfortable to me is not to be confused with not having confidence. Does that make sense? Or dear I fear I have pandemic brain. I'm sorry Linda.
I sometimes I speak before I think and that makes me uncomfortable. Most of the time I'm comfortable with who I am but I do have moments that I'm not. I like to think that I'm a work in progress, always learning and trying to be the best I can.
ReplyDeleteRe your question: Everything is still closed here except grocery stores and a few restaurants that offer takeaway only. Our next phase is coming on June 8th and we'll have wait to see what changes. The country is not opening fast and most people are ok with that.