To Start

I've decided that weekends are too long.

How does one adjust from being a wife of 29 years to being alone? Slowly and compassionately I guess.

Slowly, because it is hard to fill so many hours that once belonged to a married couple. Waking, planning and falling asleep alone. Movies, shopping, travel and beach clean-ups were once done with my partner.....now I'm looking for others to fill that spot or go alone or maybe try to go but then just sit in my car feeling anxious, eating a meal alone and then returning home. Work is a balm....time spent not thinking, just doing.

Compassionately, because these feelings are okay, right?  I'm allowed to take this time to mourn what I have lost, grieve the hole my heart, adjust my dreams and try to move forward. Having a good cry when Carly Simon sings Coming Around Again and I go back in time when 4 or 5 of us danced around the house together, singing at the top of our voices, so happy.... and then I tell myself, "That's OK honey. A few tears and then pull yourself together."

My first post.......5 years from now I will look back at this post and love this damaged, hurting lady but will take pride in the fact that she kept moving forward, looking for happiness and knowing that she found within herself...an Invincible Summer.

Comments

  1. HarrietOctober 10, 2014 at 8:22 AM

    I am starting at the beginning, Linda, as you wished.... how could I have not have known...I sensed something was amiss in your life, but could not put a finger on it precisely. I wish I could have been there to help you through those initial crazy, upside down days when your world seems to completely unravel, leaving you in heap with no sense of direction. Or at least that is what it felt like to me more than once in my life. However, perhaps you, like I, pulled inward during those dark days, trying to make sense of the past, the present and the future... Looking back, I am grateful for all the experiences fate had lined up for me... they were all opportunities... for growth, for deeper understanding and for hope. And now you are journeying through the darkness as well. I am so grateful you decided to share with me. I know with every fiber of my being you will find light, hope, love and joy once again. Why? Because you are willing. Willing to face the hurt, uncertainty and grief and move through the pain, being kind and gentle to yourself along the way. And you are strong. And you have a loving heart. And you already know one of the secrets to get you through this. the power of gratitude. It will save you many times! Thank you, Linda....for sharing your journey with me. I know little yet, as this is the first post I have read. I will continue. And know, by sharing, you have opened yourself to prayers for love, light and healing for yourself! I send you that in abundance!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Margaret (Peggy or Peg too)October 27, 2017 at 1:02 PM

    Ah, I found your first post.
    It is difficult to read because it brought up those old feelings I had when going through this. Everyone's journey is different. I hope now 3 years later your life is in full color again for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda dJanuary 18, 2018 at 2:43 PM

      Thank you for looking Margaret. It’s nice to know we are not alone and that the future gets better.

      Delete

Post a Comment

What do you have to say about that?

Popular posts from this blog

A Journey To Home

Image
My tender hearted girl decided she wanted to foster an old lady. Selkie is 14, is nearly deaf and nearly blind, has a hard time walking and uses her bark to get her needs met.  She got her home, took her for a bath and then basically loved this old girl for three weeks until the property manager decided that it wasn’t a good match (barking too much AND because she is a pit bull).  My girl knew it was probably temporary but she gave that dog a comfortable loving home, away from the chaos of the shelter, for a short time.  Ideally, she would have walked her home but that’s not how it worked this time.  Last night she stood and ugly cried on a strangers shoulder after giving her back.  I love that girl and her sweet heart.  I wish Selkie a new final home full of love. 
Read more

Private Eye

Image
We pass by the house frequently since it sits on a busy thoroughfare. We know to look every time we pass and guess what will we see. Will it be the two Dalmatians, sitting on the couch that backs up to the giant panel window, waiting for their human to come home? Or will it be their human, sitting slightly to the right of middle (allowing for a better view of the giant mounted tv across the room) of the said couch. They are never there at the same time. It’s one or the other. One sleepless night, when my body was willing but my brain was not, I did a little sleuthing. It’s amazing what you can find out about a complete stranger.   His name is Gary and, from what I can tell, he’s never been married. He has worked his way up in a air duct company. He’s now the senior VP but it’s a small company and he still goes out on jobs, judging from  the reviews on Yelp. I know he has two siblings and that their father passed away in 2018. His memorial was held in a Buddhist temple and Gary...
Read more

Go!

Image
 Vai. E, se der medo, vai con medo mesmo. When one is raised in an angry family, it’s not enough to say I don’t want to be angry. You must learn how to do it differently. That’s no easy task. If judgment and self hatred became a way of life, a new way to live has to be taught. There are many ways to do it. Reading, writing, sharing, practicing all help the change. Counseling, psychoanalysis, religion, meditation, gratitude, have the ability to transform but I needed to see it in action, it needed to be more tangible, visual, accessible. I needed to understand the possibilities. There is a YouTube channel that I watch over and over again in order to absorb how to live more fully, more open and from the heart. One of the first episodes that I stumbled on is this…. The channel is Reflections of Life and through it we get to meet people who are doing life a little differently, often more soul based. People who are living life, healing wounds and finding what is truly important.  I...
Read more