To Start

I've decided that weekends are too long.

How does one adjust from being a wife of 29 years to being alone? Slowly and compassionately I guess.

Slowly, because it is hard to fill so many hours that once belonged to a married couple. Waking, planning and falling asleep alone. Movies, shopping, travel and beach clean-ups were once done with my partner.....now I'm looking for others to fill that spot or go alone or maybe try to go but then just sit in my car feeling anxious, eating a meal alone and then returning home. Work is a balm....time spent not thinking, just doing.

Compassionately, because these feelings are okay, right?  I'm allowed to take this time to mourn what I have lost, grieve the hole my heart, adjust my dreams and try to move forward. Having a good cry when Carly Simon sings Coming Around Again and I go back in time when 4 or 5 of us danced around the house together, singing at the top of our voices, so happy.... and then I tell myself, "That's OK honey. A few tears and then pull yourself together."

My first post.......5 years from now I will look back at this post and love this damaged, hurting lady but will take pride in the fact that she kept moving forward, looking for happiness and knowing that she found within herself...an Invincible Summer.

Comments

  1. HarrietOctober 10, 2014 at 8:22 AM

    I am starting at the beginning, Linda, as you wished.... how could I have not have known...I sensed something was amiss in your life, but could not put a finger on it precisely. I wish I could have been there to help you through those initial crazy, upside down days when your world seems to completely unravel, leaving you in heap with no sense of direction. Or at least that is what it felt like to me more than once in my life. However, perhaps you, like I, pulled inward during those dark days, trying to make sense of the past, the present and the future... Looking back, I am grateful for all the experiences fate had lined up for me... they were all opportunities... for growth, for deeper understanding and for hope. And now you are journeying through the darkness as well. I am so grateful you decided to share with me. I know with every fiber of my being you will find light, hope, love and joy once again. Why? Because you are willing. Willing to face the hurt, uncertainty and grief and move through the pain, being kind and gentle to yourself along the way. And you are strong. And you have a loving heart. And you already know one of the secrets to get you through this. the power of gratitude. It will save you many times! Thank you, Linda....for sharing your journey with me. I know little yet, as this is the first post I have read. I will continue. And know, by sharing, you have opened yourself to prayers for love, light and healing for yourself! I send you that in abundance!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Margaret (Peggy or Peg too)October 27, 2017 at 1:02 PM

    Ah, I found your first post.
    It is difficult to read because it brought up those old feelings I had when going through this. Everyone's journey is different. I hope now 3 years later your life is in full color again for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda dJanuary 18, 2018 at 2:43 PM

      Thank you for looking Margaret. It’s nice to know we are not alone and that the future gets better.

      Delete

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