Things I Have Learned

 2 1/2 years have passed since I left everything I knew behind me. 

Well, not everything. I brought along a Boy Scout, a Scruffy dog and the "stuff" that managed to be important enough to tow behind us. 

This journey has been scary, challenging, wondrous, frustrating and, above all, life changing. Or should I say "Linda" changing.

Ways I have changed:

  • Fear is no longer the master of my life. It doesn't guide my choices, my relationships or anything else that it once lorded over.
  • I learned for the very first time what unconditional love means. I have received it from a few people in my life but I did not know how to give it. Fear didn't allow it. Boy Scout has given it to me and, now, I am learning to return that gift. Loving him as he is.
  • Joy entered. I look for it. Intentionally I seek it and find it regularly in little things. Even when life throws bumps, I eventually find my joy.
  • Friendships. God how I had longed for friendships and how they eluded me. There were willing women out there but the protective wall I had built prevented anyone from getting too close. I was the problem. I have learned to let the barrier down and the friends have come. Slowly, deliberately, beautifully, women...wonderful women, have shown up and begun to love me. And I love them back, with all my heart.
  • Acceptance. This one is a work in progress but I am flexing the acceptance muscle and it is getting stronger every day. There are moments that I would like to return to the old home so much that it feels like it will consume me. Then I remember to breathe. I remember how much I love it here and I let go.
  • Compassion. Most of us are doing the very best we can with the tools we acquired as children. Much of the time, I can see the hurt child inside the adult who is being an asshole. If not right away, shortly thereafter. And I can wish for them healing. Asshole is not a good place to live.
  • Love is my guiding compass. Not others opinions, media or religion. Just love.
Trip not finished. Long road ahead. I am ready to go.

Comments

  1. Debra She Who SeeksFebruary 10, 2024 at 10:12 AM

    I congratulate you on so much growth! Well done indeed.

    ReplyDelete
  2. MargaretFebruary 10, 2024 at 10:28 AM

    Happiness can come when we let go of expectations and barriers and let ourselves be as free as we can. Free to love ourselves and others.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Marie SmithFebruary 10, 2024 at 10:42 AM

    Wonderful progress! I love how you find joy! It is everything!

    ReplyDelete
  4. ColetteFebruary 11, 2024 at 6:53 AM

    Moving to a strange place is a life changing adventure. One doesn't really understand how terrifying lonely yet profound it can be unless they've experienced it. You have.

    ReplyDelete
  5. PixieFebruary 11, 2024 at 7:45 AM

    That sounds like a lot and it's all wonderful. Growth and change are hard. I used to think that if I changed it meant that everything I'd done in the past was wrong, now I understand that when you know better, you do better and that change is possible until we die.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Margaret (Peggy or Peg too)February 12, 2024 at 1:44 PM

    Congratulations. This is all so wonderful!!! Friendships are a two way street. I have found I reach out and nothing back, I call and get nothing back and then I just stop. That is not a friend then and it was only in my head. To be a friend one must reach out and try and to receive friendship one must be open as well. After my husbands stroke I really learned who my friends were. Far less than I thought and it broke my heart. Those that never checked in I knew were not my friend, perhaps an acquaintance. It's a never ending learning life lesson I suppose. I'm still learning. I'm happy for your Linda. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  7. JeanieFebruary 13, 2024 at 6:16 AM

    This is beautiful, Linda. What deep and personal insight -- you share lessons for us all and I thank you for that sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  8. eFebruary 13, 2024 at 9:08 AM

    That's an amazing amount of personal growth, and you clearly realize that you are still growing and changing. How wonderful for you. I appreciate that you have really thought about all of the changes and have shared them with us. Reflection is essential in understanding the transformation. I wish you beauty and joy!
    elizabeth

    ReplyDelete

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