Things I Have Learned

 2 1/2 years have passed since I left everything I knew behind me. 

Well, not everything. I brought along a Boy Scout, a Scruffy dog and the "stuff" that managed to be important enough to tow behind us. 

This journey has been scary, challenging, wondrous, frustrating and, above all, life changing. Or should I say "Linda" changing.

Ways I have changed:

  • Fear is no longer the master of my life. It doesn't guide my choices, my relationships or anything else that it once lorded over.
  • I learned for the very first time what unconditional love means. I have received it from a few people in my life but I did not know how to give it. Fear didn't allow it. Boy Scout has given it to me and, now, I am learning to return that gift. Loving him as he is.
  • Joy entered. I look for it. Intentionally I seek it and find it regularly in little things. Even when life throws bumps, I eventually find my joy.
  • Friendships. God how I had longed for friendships and how they eluded me. There were willing women out there but the protective wall I had built prevented anyone from getting too close. I was the problem. I have learned to let the barrier down and the friends have come. Slowly, deliberately, beautifully, women...wonderful women, have shown up and begun to love me. And I love them back, with all my heart.
  • Acceptance. This one is a work in progress but I am flexing the acceptance muscle and it is getting stronger every day. There are moments that I would like to return to the old home so much that it feels like it will consume me. Then I remember to breathe. I remember how much I love it here and I let go.
  • Compassion. Most of us are doing the very best we can with the tools we acquired as children. Much of the time, I can see the hurt child inside the adult who is being an asshole. If not right away, shortly thereafter. And I can wish for them healing. Asshole is not a good place to live.
  • Love is my guiding compass. Not others opinions, media or religion. Just love.
Trip not finished. Long road ahead. I am ready to go.

Comments

  1. Debra She Who SeeksFebruary 10, 2024 at 10:12 AM

    I congratulate you on so much growth! Well done indeed.

    ReplyDelete
  2. MargaretFebruary 10, 2024 at 10:28 AM

    Happiness can come when we let go of expectations and barriers and let ourselves be as free as we can. Free to love ourselves and others.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Marie SmithFebruary 10, 2024 at 10:42 AM

    Wonderful progress! I love how you find joy! It is everything!

    ReplyDelete
  4. ColetteFebruary 11, 2024 at 6:53 AM

    Moving to a strange place is a life changing adventure. One doesn't really understand how terrifying lonely yet profound it can be unless they've experienced it. You have.

    ReplyDelete
  5. PixieFebruary 11, 2024 at 7:45 AM

    That sounds like a lot and it's all wonderful. Growth and change are hard. I used to think that if I changed it meant that everything I'd done in the past was wrong, now I understand that when you know better, you do better and that change is possible until we die.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Margaret (Peggy or Peg too)February 12, 2024 at 1:44 PM

    Congratulations. This is all so wonderful!!! Friendships are a two way street. I have found I reach out and nothing back, I call and get nothing back and then I just stop. That is not a friend then and it was only in my head. To be a friend one must reach out and try and to receive friendship one must be open as well. After my husbands stroke I really learned who my friends were. Far less than I thought and it broke my heart. Those that never checked in I knew were not my friend, perhaps an acquaintance. It's a never ending learning life lesson I suppose. I'm still learning. I'm happy for your Linda. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  7. JeanieFebruary 13, 2024 at 6:16 AM

    This is beautiful, Linda. What deep and personal insight -- you share lessons for us all and I thank you for that sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  8. eFebruary 13, 2024 at 9:08 AM

    That's an amazing amount of personal growth, and you clearly realize that you are still growing and changing. How wonderful for you. I appreciate that you have really thought about all of the changes and have shared them with us. Reflection is essential in understanding the transformation. I wish you beauty and joy!
    elizabeth

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

What do you have to say about that?

Popular posts from this blog

Private Eye

Image
We pass by the house frequently since it sits on a busy thoroughfare. We know to look every time we pass and guess what will we see. Will it be the two Dalmatians, sitting on the couch that backs up to the giant panel window, waiting for their human to come home? Or will it be their human, sitting slightly to the right of middle (allowing for a better view of the giant mounted tv across the room) of the said couch. They are never there at the same time. It’s one or the other. One sleepless night, when my body was willing but my brain was not, I did a little sleuthing. It’s amazing what you can find out about a complete stranger.   His name is Gary and, from what I can tell, he’s never been married. He has worked his way up in a air duct company. He’s now the senior VP but it’s a small company and he still goes out on jobs, judging from  the reviews on Yelp. I know he has two siblings and that their father passed away in 2018. His memorial was held in a Buddhist temple and Gary sr. soun
Read more

Let's Be Perfectly Clear

I would like your input on this letter I am considering sending out. Darryl, I once considered you, if not a friend, a very friendly acquaintance. Our daughters are the same age. I am sure that your daughter is as special to you as mine is to me. McKenna is 21 years old and starting out her life with some tough situations. SHE IS NOT AN OBJECT. She is a person who has her ups and downs, her struggles and triumphs. She has, in the past year, completely alone, had to make scary medical decisions for her mentally ill, addicted father. She has had to watch as the man who was an amazing father slowly turn into a shell of a man who has little to give and much to take. Whether purposefully or accidentally, you have added to her already difficult year. I wonder…would you appreciate my ex-husband leering and making inappropriate comments to your daughter over the course of a long evening? Think about that for a moment!  What were you hoping to achieve with your behavior? Whether
Read more

Go!

Image
 Vai. E, se der medo, vai con medo mesmo. When one is raised in an angry family, it’s not enough to say I don’t want to be angry. You must learn how to do it differently. That’s no easy task. If judgment and self hatred became a way of life, a new way to live has to be taught. There are many ways to do it. Reading, writing, sharing, practicing all help the change. Counseling, psychoanalysis, religion, meditation, gratitude, have the ability to transform but I needed to see it in action, it needed to be more tangible, visual, accessible. I needed to understand the possibilities. There is a YouTube channel that I watch over and over again in order to absorb how to live more fully, more open and from the heart. One of the first episodes that I stumbled on is this…. The channel is Reflections of Life and through it we get to meet people who are doing life a little differently, often more soul based. People who are living life, healing wounds and finding what is truly important.  It can be
Read more