Things I Have Learned

 2 1/2 years have passed since I left everything I knew behind me. 

Well, not everything. I brought along a Boy Scout, a Scruffy dog and the "stuff" that managed to be important enough to tow behind us. 

This journey has been scary, challenging, wondrous, frustrating and, above all, life changing. Or should I say "Linda" changing.

Ways I have changed:

  • Fear is no longer the master of my life. It doesn't guide my choices, my relationships or anything else that it once lorded over.
  • I learned for the very first time what unconditional love means. I have received it from a few people in my life but I did not know how to give it. Fear didn't allow it. Boy Scout has given it to me and, now, I am learning to return that gift. Loving him as he is.
  • Joy entered. I look for it. Intentionally I seek it and find it regularly in little things. Even when life throws bumps, I eventually find my joy.
  • Friendships. God how I had longed for friendships and how they eluded me. There were willing women out there but the protective wall I had built prevented anyone from getting too close. I was the problem. I have learned to let the barrier down and the friends have come. Slowly, deliberately, beautifully, women...wonderful women, have shown up and begun to love me. And I love them back, with all my heart.
  • Acceptance. This one is a work in progress but I am flexing the acceptance muscle and it is getting stronger every day. There are moments that I would like to return to the old home so much that it feels like it will consume me. Then I remember to breathe. I remember how much I love it here and I let go.
  • Compassion. Most of us are doing the very best we can with the tools we acquired as children. Much of the time, I can see the hurt child inside the adult who is being an asshole. If not right away, shortly thereafter. And I can wish for them healing. Asshole is not a good place to live.
  • Love is my guiding compass. Not others opinions, media or religion. Just love.
Trip not finished. Long road ahead. I am ready to go.

Comments

  1. I congratulate you on so much growth! Well done indeed.

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  2. Happiness can come when we let go of expectations and barriers and let ourselves be as free as we can. Free to love ourselves and others.

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  3. Wonderful progress! I love how you find joy! It is everything!

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  4. Moving to a strange place is a life changing adventure. One doesn't really understand how terrifying lonely yet profound it can be unless they've experienced it. You have.

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  5. That sounds like a lot and it's all wonderful. Growth and change are hard. I used to think that if I changed it meant that everything I'd done in the past was wrong, now I understand that when you know better, you do better and that change is possible until we die.

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  6. Congratulations. This is all so wonderful!!! Friendships are a two way street. I have found I reach out and nothing back, I call and get nothing back and then I just stop. That is not a friend then and it was only in my head. To be a friend one must reach out and try and to receive friendship one must be open as well. After my husbands stroke I really learned who my friends were. Far less than I thought and it broke my heart. Those that never checked in I knew were not my friend, perhaps an acquaintance. It's a never ending learning life lesson I suppose. I'm still learning. I'm happy for your Linda. :-)

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  7. This is beautiful, Linda. What deep and personal insight -- you share lessons for us all and I thank you for that sharing.

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  8. That's an amazing amount of personal growth, and you clearly realize that you are still growing and changing. How wonderful for you. I appreciate that you have really thought about all of the changes and have shared them with us. Reflection is essential in understanding the transformation. I wish you beauty and joy!
    elizabeth

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