Close But No Cigar

Over time, little by little, the ACA promises are coming true for me.

Promise #4  -Our ability to share intimacy will grow inside us.

Slowly, as healing takes place, as I learn to love and value who I am, Promise#4 comes true.

A life long desire to connect and a life long confusion as to what was wrong with me that prevented connection, left me feeling rudderless. I could not figure out why other people where able to make friends...not acquaintances but true friends, the kind you do life with, the kind that you help each other through the hard times, and I remained fairly friendless. 

I would try but, more often than not, it turned out to be really strange people who lacked boundaries or were extremely controlling or overtly judgmental. 

These days I do not feel rudderless but nor do I feel desperate for companionship. I am developing a few solid friendships with people that are pretty healthy themselves. I'm not looking for perfection but I am staying away from super needy or co-dependent people. I know how to steer clear from cray cray these days. I can have compassion without become "involved"

I have learned how to NOT overshare, a term they call floodlighting, with people that, somehow, immediately feel safe. Oversharing causes people to back away pretty darn quick. 

I slowly build relationships. I slowly allow people in. I connect.

I heal and I am grateful.