Another Door

It can be hard to put my whole self out there. It can be hard to know who I am in some situations. 

When someone from the past asks about child #3, they will say things like, How is Prescott doing? How’s he liking England or Portland or his work etc.

When that happens now, because everyone important or close has been told, I have to dig deep. Who am I in this situation? Do I just say, “SHE”, and go on with the conversation as if it is nothing big? It is big! Do I smile wide and say “oh, she’s in the process of transitioning”, without going into anything else. Do I let them ask questions? Do I know how to answer? This is her personal journey. I am a bystander, a caring one, but bystander just the same. Do I avoid the subject completely and just be careful with pronouns so that I am not disloyal. If I am avoiding, am I being disloyal? Maybe they haven’t earned the right to hear her story. There is a protective defensiveness that I have to be aware of too.

My feelings are still complex and while I understand they are secondary to my daughters journey, they are my own and I have a right to them. I just don’t know this walk very well. My family has been amazingly lovely and offered nothing but support. It’s others, in the outer circle, that I feel confused about. 

One thing I know is that I love her tremendously. This has not been, and will not be, easy for her but I want her to be her best self, happy and healthy. That part of the journey is easy. 

Comments

  1. MargaretAugust 11, 2023 at 6:18 PM

    It's tough to know how to handle it; I would practice what I want to say so that I'm prepared with a ready answer. I hate being blindsided by questions.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Debra She Who SeeksAugust 11, 2023 at 6:26 PM

    Does your daughter have any guidance for you in the area of these third party acquaintances? I think if I were in this situation, I would go with the option of smiling and saying she's transitioning to her new self. Then I'd focus on the original question about liking where she's living or her job or whatever. If they ask more (and probably more personal questions), I would just say how the whole family wholeheartedly supports her and then move on to another subject.

    ReplyDelete
  3. PixieAugust 11, 2023 at 6:46 PM

    What does your daughter want?

    ReplyDelete
  4. ColetteAugust 12, 2023 at 6:30 AM

    I would ask your daughter, but "“oh, she’s in the process of transitioning”, without going into anything else." sounds good to me.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Marie SmithAugust 12, 2023 at 6:58 AM

    I would ask my daughter what she would want me to say. I would support her 100% for sure!

    ReplyDelete
  6. NewRobin13August 12, 2023 at 7:31 AM

    I love all the comments here. So thoughtful, kind, and good. Your daughter's transition is a transition in many ways for all who know and love her.

    ReplyDelete
  7. JeanieAugust 12, 2023 at 10:48 AM

    I would ask your daughter how she would like you to handle it and have that discussion with her. AND, do you trust the people asking? Maybe that's the biggie.

    ReplyDelete
  8. DebbyAugust 20, 2023 at 8:45 AM

    My daughter was sexually abused as a teenager, and it led to some very big issues for a long time. It was a huge family struggle. I remember once a fine Christian woman, elderly, and a relative of my husband's family, saw me and exclaimed "Debby!" (Patting the seat beside her) "Sit right down. I want to hear all about ~~~~~~" The one thing that I know about her is that she was quite a gossip, under the guise of 'christian discussion.' Unsure what to say to her, I just looked while trying to put together some gentle words. She immediately began to look embarrassed and fidgety. My silence was more effective than anything that I could have said. Some people do not deserve answers to their questions.

    ReplyDelete

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