Do Some Good In The World

My older brother, John, died the other day at the not ripe old age of 62. He was #4 and I am #5. 

I called my little bro, we checked in with each other. We realized that our memories had to be very different from #’s 1, 2 and 3. They got to see John as an infant and toddler. They have memories of him growing up. My little brother and I do not have good memories of our childhood with John. He was difficult, often in trouble, had problematic friends, could be manipulative and had a lot of anger. We also do not have many good memories as an adult because he had been partially estranged with intermittent interaction that wasn’t “easy”. He was not an especially good father or husband but he did try to be a good son to my mom.

I decided I wanted to share the good that I do remember……

My mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer around the year 2000. He came home for the first surgery. It was a big one. Gone were her ovaries, cervix, uterus, the top part of her vagina and a good section of her colon and resectioning of damaged part of the bowel. Recovery was overwhelming for her and for those of us who loved her. John showed up and he helped. 

Mom survived through 4 different rounds of brutal chemo, each lasting about 6 months. Life after the surgery was hard for her. Her bowels were never quite the same and made it hard for her to leave the house.

Near the end, we called John to let him know it was getting close. He moved back home from Florida. He was a stand up guy. He helped with appointments. He did what needed to be done which was not always pleasant or easy or comfortable. Basically, he gave her some peace at the end thinking that he would be ok.

He wasn’t ok. More things happened but they are just memories and they don’t matter anymore. I try to remember that, like all of us, he did the best he could with what he had.

From now on I will just try remember how good he treated mom in the end, the kindness he showed her. It’s a precious memory and I’m grateful to have it.