A Step In The Right Direction

Grief has no time table. 

I feel it lifting, allowing the breath to come easier. Still, my inner teenager is hesitant to let go of it. Grief can easily be cannibalized by victimhood and victimhood is one of the tools she uses to get what she needs or wants.

She wants to use it even as I am writing this. I write but she tries to override my thoughts, cogitating on how we can still change the situation using the right words, formulating a plan. She would like to tear me from this moment and pull me back into the scary past where we sat rather low on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Where, often times, there was not nearly enough.  

“How will we keep the house, afford to repair the car, take care of our medical needs?”, she whispers in my ear. 

Those thoughts have nothing to do with the start of another beautiful day. The Great Mystery is LOVE. If I am operating out of love the past are just echoes, the future is nebulous at best and the present is here, right now. 

The past does help me populate my recovery with internal knowledge, shows me the broken tools I picked up to operate in life, gives me empathy for a little girl who was frightened that she would be abandoned in one way or another, allows me to more clearly see where I should place my next step.

One step at a time

   One day at a time

        Right here, right now 


Comments

  1. amMarch 30, 2023 at 8:13 AM

    Yes indeed. My inner family and I thank you for this post. My inner teenager especially.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Debra She Who SeeksMarch 30, 2023 at 8:37 AM

    Hugs to you and your inner teenager.

    ReplyDelete
  3. MargaretMarch 30, 2023 at 10:45 AM

    I'm glad that you've learned how to deal with those inner messages. They can drag us down if we let them. Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  4. BillMarch 30, 2023 at 3:56 PM

    As my mother used to say, one step at a time, you lift it up and drop it as you move forward then repeat. So that's what I try to do every day. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. JeanieMarch 30, 2023 at 4:28 PM

    I have a motto I live by every day. Fully expect the universe to cooperate. Sometimes it does, sometimes not -- but great expectations go a long way.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Shari BurkeMarch 31, 2023 at 3:57 AM

    Look how far you've come! Instead of just acting out of fear, you can see what is going on and, difficult as it is, work past it. That's huge!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousApril 1, 2023 at 1:03 PM

      Thank you Shari. Better late than never.

      Delete
  7. Marie SmithMarch 31, 2023 at 4:25 AM

    My husband has the attitude if he wakes up in the morning, the day is a gift. So if I ask him how he is this morning, his reply is, “I woke up.” Each day is filled with possibilities. I hope today has great possibilities for you, Linda.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousApril 1, 2023 at 1:03 PM

      Boy Scout is very similar, waking with a smile nearly every day.

      Delete

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