To Love What Is

The savings is dwindling. There are a few things that this old house needs and when that is done there will be little left.

Life has changed completely. From a more than comfortable income with health insurance and the hope of future stability, then, starting in 2018 a shrinking income that has brought me to a situation that is very like the childhood I tried so hard to rise above. It is not poverty. I know poverty when I see it. I have a roof over my head and I am not hungry. There are two cars with payments that will be made. This will be a spare existence that I am familiar with. 

There is no excess. Anything extra comes straight from that shrinking account. Property tax, car repairs, hearing aids, health care, utilities, cable, gyms, they are set to a list with their priority status. Like so many other older adults, health care and dental will take the first hit. I have to hear, I need a car, property tax must be paid. The rest will wait...........

Gone are the dreams. The vacations I thought I would have when I got to a certain age will not materialize. If I had known, I would have taken more. I took precious few in the day. I am grateful for Paris.....so grateful. The rest of the bucket list is now set aside. I had hoped to listen to music in the streets of Italy, smell the vineyards after a summer rain, see the Northern Lights, walk through thousand year old castles in Ireland and afterward listen to music in a pub, sit before great works of art in Europe, swim in the oceans around Corsica, see more of my own country, connect with a plethora of friends in Germany, and walk my beloved Camino de Santiago. Maybe I will pick it up the bucket again one day but, truth be told, it's not likely. 

I am reaching a place of acceptance. 

I am being grateful for what is in my life now. I have a man that loves me unconditionally and I try to return that gift. We have a home, a sweet dog, we both have a source of modest income, we play cards, go to cheap movies, take drives and have our ACA recovery together, we laugh a ton and are finding friends. I choose to be content today because today is all I have. Hopefully, I will choose it again tomorrow.

In this choiceless never-ending flow of life, 

there is an infinite array of choices. 

One alone brings happiness: 

to love what is." 

~Dorothy Hunt


Comments

  1. JeanieNovember 16, 2022 at 2:29 PM

    Acceptance and gratitude is a state of grace. And never say never. Life can be very odd and unexpected indeed. Contentment trumps so very much.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Debra She Who SeeksNovember 16, 2022 at 6:23 PM

    It's hard when our dreams don't come true. But simpler dreams can still manifest in our lives and I hope they do in yours

    ReplyDelete
  3. ColetteNovember 17, 2022 at 3:35 AM

    Acceptance is a great freedom. I wish it was easier.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Marie SmithNovember 17, 2022 at 4:59 AM

    Dorothy Hunt was a wise woman! So are you! Wealth is so much more than material!

    ReplyDelete
  5. BillNovember 17, 2022 at 7:50 AM

    Accepting what is, is a wonderful way to live and have a good life. It beats all the what ifs and lets you appreciate all that you have before you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Margaret (Peggy or Peg too)November 17, 2022 at 10:34 AM

    Hmm, I'm familiar.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Shari BurkeNovember 19, 2022 at 10:29 AM

    It's very painful to work towards a future that ends up not being yours--at least it was for me. My experience involved me walking away voluntarily when I understood that it wouldn't work for me and even then it took a long time to recover. I think I will always have small scars and sadness about that loss. I imagine that when it's not voluntary it hurts in a different way but I'm glad you and Boy Scout can work and grow through it together. It helps to have someone to lean on.

    ReplyDelete
  8. MargaretNovember 20, 2022 at 8:05 AM

    Our visions of our future are not what occurs most of the time. When my (now late) husband was diagnosed with cancer, my first thought was, "But we were going to buy kayaks!" We had many plans for our empty nest and island property that never materialized. But other things did and I've always tried to find the good.

    ReplyDelete

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