Checking In

While visiting California, something inside urged me to stop by my former brother-in-law at his place of business. Craig is tall and lanky, and when I look at him I can still see that young man who ran track in high school and desired a big family.

I thought he might be retired but there he was, sitting at the same spot that he has sat at for the last 35 years, working away. I knocked on the door and went in. He did not expect me, did not recognize me for a few seconds, and then the look of surprise. He’s a serious guy, not outwardly expressive, so the lack of enthusiasm didn’t put me off. 

We caught up. He did not know the Boy Scout and I had moved to Portland. I did not know he has a girlfriend who has grandchildren that call him grandpa. That made me smile. It was light hearted.  

I switch gears, expressing my hope that he was well. He smiled with a look of regret and said,  “Well, I knew my life was over when they took her away in handcuffs”.  “Her” is Dana, my ex-husbands sister. She had always been an extremely difficult person even as a young child. I suspect undiagnosed mental illness but I’m no expert. Perhaps she’s just narcissistically selfish. Nothing was ever easy with her. Nothing! I never knew what he saw in her but they were together for 40 years before he had to call the police when she attacked him with a knife. 

I could relate. Brother and sister both had their lives bottom out in their golden years, both had a very public run-in with law enforcement, and the people that loved them were left to figure out how to move forward. Of Craig and I, I was the lucky one. My ex was more self destructive than viciously attacking others. I also have 4 wonderful kids and we walked through much of the heartbreak together. Not Craig, he was very alone. My ex is now sober and kind of managing. Not Dana. She’s still a horribly ugly person, the victim of everyone she encounters, attacking the people that go near her. I try to remember that hurt people hurt but it is hard with her. She was pampered as a child and my ex was the one that bore the brunt of her wrath.

I let Craig know that I’m so very glad he moved on and is happy. I wished him well. He got up and hugged me. And held on. And held on. It was a sweet moment and I am extremely glad we stopped.

Our younger days.