A Change Of Heart

Back from out trip. It was amazing and amazingly fast. Not nearly enough time to do all that we needed or wanted to do but we did what we could.

It was a comfort to know that as we headed back to Oregon, we both felt that we were headed "home". This last year and three months have been tumultuous and heartbreaking but there have been many good things that have emanated from the chaos. Boy Scout and I have taken our relationship to a level that I, with my damaged heart and severed trust, never thought would happen. We are stronger and more solid than we have ever been before. I chock some of that up to a renewed and flourishing relationship with myself. Loving myself is a far better foundation than building on another person. I can love him, and others, much more freely as I develop a genuine like for the person I am, not despite all my flaws, but because of them. I am perfectly imperfect.

We decided to put a ring on it. Nope, we didn't get married but we did have a little ceremony expressing our hopes and dreams as we walk each other home.

He got a traditional gold band, strong and solid, and when I think of it, it makes me smile. I, on the other hand, went a little less traditional. I don't care for diamond rings much because they just don't suit me. Instead, me and my girl went hunting. We found a little shop in Ventura and got a bit of sea glass set in silver. My girl bought my ring and she joined us as we exchanged our promises. Having her there added so much to my joy. How perfect. That little town by the sea brought us together and even though we no longer live there, a little piece of the town will stay on my finger, reminding me of love. Love for my Boy Scout, for my kids that were raised there, for the community the I left behind but miss so much, and for the promise of renewal. Like the ocean, life is ever changing.

I've had a great lesson on embracing the change.

Comments

  1. Marie SmithJune 21, 2022 at 2:55 PM

    I am so happy for you both, Linda. Congratulations! You found yourself and each other! Welcome home!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Debra She Who SeeksJune 21, 2022 at 3:21 PM

    Congrats on your commitment ceremony! Love your choice of ring! Lesbigay people used to have commitment ceremonies all the time in the days before marriage equality, so there's a fine tradition for everyone to continue if they don't want a traditional union!

    ReplyDelete
  3. NewRobin13June 22, 2022 at 6:43 AM

    Congratulations on your beautiful rings of love. I am so happy for you and glad you had such a good journey in so many ways.

    ReplyDelete
  4. PixieJune 22, 2022 at 7:06 AM

    Congratulations and that is a beautirul ring. I love sea glass.
    I am so glad that you are loving yourself. It's not easy, I struggle with this as well. Sending hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  5. SabineJune 22, 2022 at 8:09 AM

    Beautiful, all of it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. ColetteJune 22, 2022 at 8:38 AM

    Slowly, slowly everything changes. Congratulations on your beautiful commitment ceremony.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Shari BurkeJune 22, 2022 at 10:49 AM

    That is beautiful! I am so, so happy for you and Boy Scout--that you found each other, that you've moved through this really tough time together and are stronger now, and that you've found another place to call home. There is room in our hearts for different homes. May you continue to grow together and individually, continue to learn about each other, and share many moments of joy and peace together!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Margaret (Peggy or Peg too)June 22, 2022 at 11:01 AM

    congratulations on the committment ceremony!! Sounds perfect just like the two of you!
    Love💖

    ReplyDelete
  9. LollyJune 24, 2022 at 7:03 PM

    Congratulations! xoxo

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

What do you have to say about that?

Popular posts from this blog

A Journey To Home

Image
My tender hearted girl decided she wanted to foster an old lady. Selkie is 14, is nearly deaf and nearly blind, has a hard time walking and uses her bark to get her needs met.  She got her home, took her for a bath and then basically loved this old girl for three weeks until the property manager decided that it wasn’t a good match (barking too much AND because she is a pit bull).  My girl knew it was probably temporary but she gave that dog a comfortable loving home, away from the chaos of the shelter, for a short time.  Ideally, she would have walked her home but that’s not how it worked this time.  Last night she stood and ugly cried on a strangers shoulder after giving her back.  I love that girl and her sweet heart.  I wish Selkie a new final home full of love. 
Read more

Private Eye

Image
We pass by the house frequently since it sits on a busy thoroughfare. We know to look every time we pass and guess what will we see. Will it be the two Dalmatians, sitting on the couch that backs up to the giant panel window, waiting for their human to come home? Or will it be their human, sitting slightly to the right of middle (allowing for a better view of the giant mounted tv across the room) of the said couch. They are never there at the same time. It’s one or the other. One sleepless night, when my body was willing but my brain was not, I did a little sleuthing. It’s amazing what you can find out about a complete stranger.   His name is Gary and, from what I can tell, he’s never been married. He has worked his way up in a air duct company. He’s now the senior VP but it’s a small company and he still goes out on jobs, judging from  the reviews on Yelp. I know he has two siblings and that their father passed away in 2018. His memorial was held in a Buddhist temple and Gary...
Read more

Go!

Image
 Vai. E, se der medo, vai con medo mesmo. When one is raised in an angry family, it’s not enough to say I don’t want to be angry. You must learn how to do it differently. That’s no easy task. If judgment and self hatred became a way of life, a new way to live has to be taught. There are many ways to do it. Reading, writing, sharing, practicing all help the change. Counseling, psychoanalysis, religion, meditation, gratitude, have the ability to transform but I needed to see it in action, it needed to be more tangible, visual, accessible. I needed to understand the possibilities. There is a YouTube channel that I watch over and over again in order to absorb how to live more fully, more open and from the heart. One of the first episodes that I stumbled on is this…. The channel is Reflections of Life and through it we get to meet people who are doing life a little differently, often more soul based. People who are living life, healing wounds and finding what is truly important.  I...
Read more