We Don’t Get To Choose Our Families
I’ve mentioned before that I watch the sun rise most mornings. I have a few spots from which I do this, where I get a pretty good view of the mountains to the east and also where I feel safe to sit in the dark before the new day breaks. One of the spots is a parking lot where the view is mostly unhindered but I am still aware I am in a mall parking lot.
In this parking, a couple of times a week, there is an odd exchange that takes place. An expensive white crossover usually shows up first and parks. Sometimes it’s quick, other times it waits a good long while. Eventually a mini van arrives and two children, one being a young teen and the other a few years younger than that, get out of the minivan and make their way to the other car. That is the usual exchange. A couple of times the kids do their routine and then the two drivers get out and have a heated exchange. I’m not close enough to hear, I am just an observer of a dance of two angry women. The dance of hurt, pain and resentment.
Broken families often hurt. Even though my marriage fell apart, I am grateful that the kids were 16 and older, and even though it was painful, that they might have had some tools to cope. And also they didn’t have to experience to tugging and pulling that often takes place in some families with younger children. We had our own unique pain but I think we tried to walk through that together. That is just my perception, my kids each will have their own perspective on that.
I wish that mall parking lot family well, healing and understanding. I wish my family the same.
Well, at least they argue outside the two cars and not in front of the kids. Although I'm sure the animosity is still not lost on the kids.
ReplyDeleteI thought the same but you are right, kids are more intuitive than people know.
DeleteOur daughter and her ex have come to a place where they respect the other as co-parents and it’s civil between them. It has been hard for the kids, especially the oldest who was six when they separated. They are all coping though I wonder what the long term effect will be on the children. It’s not easy at any age.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that they have come to terms. I believe it really helps to know that there is someone who will listen when the child is hurting. I suspect your granddaughter has a number of people who will listen and validate her.
DeleteFamily relations can be fragile at times especially when there are kids involved. These are situations that I never experienced and am happy for it.
ReplyDeleteYou are one of the few. I am glad that your experience was more peace filled.
DeleteIt's hard to imagine what it must feel like to have to meet up with someone who you share children with, someone that you are not particularly fond of. It takes a lot of love for the kids to be able to keep the peace.
ReplyDeleteAgreed. I would have hated handing my children over to another woman. I can feel the resentment inside me right now. But life throws us wrenches sometimes and we have to learn to catch them or get hit.
DeleteI can never understand why adults behave like that. That's so very sad to me for everyone.
ReplyDeleteAll of them.
DeleteThese types of exchanges are hard on the kids no matter the age. I wish all families who are dealing with this well.
ReplyDeleteSo much. It's hard to watch people we look up to handle their anger poorly.
DeleteI've always felt you're doing your kids a greater service if you choose splitting up rather than staying together "for the children's sake". Children don't benefit from listening to, and watching the people they love, fight and simmer with resentment. I speak from the experience of a child growing up with parents who didn't have a "peaceful" marriage.
ReplyDeleteI hear you.
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