This Is Us
I've been waiting to write about this for awhile. Up till now it was not ok to share. Now it is.
When people have asked me if I have kids my answer has always been, "Yes, two and two with bookend girls.
That has changed in the last 3 months (or perhaps it was never what I thought).
My third child, my precocious, intelligent, articulate, bright, confounding third child is a woman born in a man's body. She has started the transition process and is getting support from friends, family and work. Her process is not mine so I won't speak of what she is going through, good or bad, when it doesn't involve me. I am one to make assumptions and judgements and to hear what I want to hear to put this mom heart at ease. Her story is best told by her.
Boy Scout and I are educating ourselves and trying to move out of the "in my day" nonsense to true acceptance and love without question. It can be confusing....all of it, and it can be hard to know where to draw the line on my questions. But I have her (Scotty) and her three siblings to help with that. The siblings are AMAZINGLY supportive and loving with both Scott and me. Helping me, offering advice, allowing the grief (because my feelings are OK) and modeling unquestionable, unconditional love are just the beginning.
I think I may have mentioned before that when she was quite young (and still presenting as a boy) my intuition told me that all was not as it seemed. From perhaps the age of 3 my heart told me the maybe my little boy was gay. It was nothing obvious....really just a heart song but with my limited exposure and knowledge, that was all I could come up with at the time.
Many years I challenged myself with, "What will you do when and if he opens up? Will you be the best you or will you fall back on religious dogma and judgement? That was simply out of the question!
I love my kids...my three daughters and my son. I lost my bookends but what I have gained is a more open mind, a new capacity for deeper love and understanding and another journey that involves growth and acceptance. I am up for the ride.
PS. Forgive my misgendering when referring to the past. I'm not sure how to do that and have it make sense. I will learn though.
Your kids are your kids and you love them no matter how they identify or what they do. Oh, sometimes they make you mad or confused or so darned delighted you can't stand it. You still love 'em. I am not surprised you are supportive, or that your kids are. That says much about you.
ReplyDeleteYou are most kind.
DeleteI recall when Cher discussed this. She said when her daughter told her she was a man she said had to mourn Chasity and meet her new son. It was a brutally honest account of her feelings. It was beautiful. You will find your way. Just keep talking.((hugs))
ReplyDeleteI will look that up Peggy. Thanks 🙏🏼
DeleteI send your son/daughter the most heartfelt good wishes during his/her transition. It's a big step, and I hope all goes well in every way. You are a kind and good supportive mom. That's the best, Linda.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I try and fail and then try again.
DeleteCongratulation to your daughter for having the courage to live her true life! I know you will be an understanding and supportive Mom. Her journey will enrich yours with new growth and possibilities, I'm sure!
ReplyDeleteThank you, thank you. Blogger world has brought to a more open minded, inclusive place. I like it.
DeleteI am happy for your daughter and her decision to live her true life! Having such a supportive family, and especially a Mom like you will make the journey easier. You will grow together through this transition!
ReplyDeleteHow wonderful that your daughter can be who she is and still have such support from you! I say this as someone who was not the kind of person my parents wanted me to be and could not accept me for who I am. I am so happy for her that is loved and supported!
ReplyDeleteI wish all of you the best as you make this transition.
Best and loving wishes for you, and your whole family.
ReplyDeleteSounds like she has a good support system. It's wonderful that she can be who she wants to be and knows that her mom is fully supporting her. Going through life being who you are and having a wonderful family that loves and doesn't judge is so very nice. I've read horror stories about people who don't support their kids and instead banish them. I know you will be proud of your daughter and she probably knows that. I wish everyone the best as this transition unfolds.
ReplyDeleteCome what may, they are still your babies and you will love them.
ReplyDeleteGood news, your son is finding her way.
ReplyDelete