If You Want A Friend, Be A Friend

Jill, my good friend, and I FaceTimed today.

Not that I needed it but it reminded me of just why I love her so much. We used to meet for lunch once a week unless one of us was out of town.  She got me through the terrible disaster that my marriage turned out ot be, kept me sane when there was nothing sane within the walls of our home and told me I needed to get myself to a counselor (and she was right).

I was by her side as she spent years trying to get a diagnoses for her daughter who was abused and neglected as an infant before Jill adopted her. Years to find out why she never slept, why she scratched, why she was hyper-sexual from a young age. The teen years were the worst and it took its toll. I was relieved when they sent her to a special school for extraordinary cases (unfortunately, she was kicked out but the year break was a godsend). Jill and I would meet and just bolster each other up, letting the other know we were in their corner. We would laugh at the most ridiculous and horrible things but that's what you have to do when you live in a home ruled by mental illness and other crazy stuff. 

In my house it turned out to be Bipolar 2 and addiction. Her diagnoses didn't come till her daughter was about 19. Borderline Personality Disorder, which sounds far more benign than it is. It includes but is not limited to the following;

Behavioral: antisocial behavior, compulsive behavior, hostility, impulsivity, irritability, risk taking behaviors, self-destructive behavior, self-harm, social isolation, or lack of restraint
Mood: anger, anxiety, general discontent, guilt, loneliness, mood swings, or sadness
Psychological: depression, distorted self-image, grandiosity, or narcissism
Also common: thoughts of suicide

Suicide attempts, self harm, dangerous sexual behaviour, rage and complete and utter fixation on one person at a time were common in that household. 

Despite all that, we would laugh! and if the people around us knew what we were laughing about they would be aghast. Try living it before you judge.....it's no walk in the park.


It felt good, normal and homey today. We are doing it next week too and I can't wait. Cheapest  therapy around.

Comments

  1. Marie SmithJanuary 11, 2022 at 4:32 AM

    Wonderful that you can keep in touch like that. Yay!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Debra She Who SeeksJanuary 11, 2022 at 7:55 AM

    Friends get us through some of life's darkest moments, that's for sure!

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnnsterwJanuary 11, 2022 at 9:16 AM

    I am sure you are exactly what she needed to help her get through that! It is a lot to deal with for anyone and that ear is so super important!! What a wonderful friend you are! I had a friend in HS that was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Her parents acted like it was an embarrassment and pulled her out of everyone's lives and kept her hidden in their home like it was secret. It is such a heard thing for families to get through but I am so happy it is no longer a "secret". Hugs to you for being there for her!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. ColetteJanuary 11, 2022 at 3:49 PM

    I Zoom with my 3 close friends from New York State every week. It has been a lifesaver, because even though I have been here in Florida for 8 years, I haven't made any close friends.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LindaJanuary 11, 2022 at 6:38 PM

      I am wondering if that will happen to me too. I don't make friends easy and COVID is making it downright impossible. Ah well, at least there is Zoom.

      Delete
  5. AnonymousJanuary 11, 2022 at 4:22 PM

    It's so wonderful that you have a longtime best friend. There are some people in our lives that really help us get through the tough times, and we reciprocate in kind.

    ReplyDelete
  6. JeanieJanuary 12, 2022 at 9:16 AM

    Friends are indeed the best therapy. I have a couple with whom I have that relationship and it's truly the best. I'm glad you have it too.

    ReplyDelete

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