That Was Quick

What do I feel?

I find myself asking that question with more and more frequency. Years of numbing actual feelings by using control and anger when the others were too scary to feel can make it difficult to unravel what is going on inside this mass of cells I call home. 

What I feel is relief and some dread. Maybe a little acceptance. 

I had a job for one 1/2 day. My suspicions were pretty right on because despite the state mandate of masks for public areas and businesses, only a few people bothered. I passed people in hallways, talked in their offices, met everyone that was present to meet and very few masks presented themselves. Since the company has a stated vaccination policy of:

We follow state mandates. Employees are encouraged to get vaccinated but it is not a job requirement nor will it ever be. Since we have more than 100 employees, we will have to follow whatever federal mandates come out

My only question was where are the masks.

But, truthfully, the reason is more complex than just mask hold outs and the fear of bringing home a virus. 

You see, there is a difference between an accountant and a bookkeeper. Knowledge, responsibility and a grasping of larger concepts are the biggest differences. I believe I could have easily risen to the occasion except I could not hear about a 1/4 of what was being said. The problem is that when one misses some of what is being said, precious time is spent trying to fill the gaps. While that would be ok as a bookkeeper, since I could do that with my eyes shut, it does not go so well when there is a learning curve. A curve made larger by the words being missed. 

I tendered my resignation. I feel disappointment and fear. And now…..now that I know how to feel my feelings, I am taking a hot bath and will start again tomorrow. 

So goes life.

Comments

  1. Marie SmithNovember 16, 2021 at 8:38 AM

    Be proud of yourself for acknowledging your feelings about that workplace and acting on them. Way to go. There is better ahead for you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. LindaNovember 16, 2021 at 9:05 AM

    I think, in my heart, I knew it all along. I guess I was doing some magical thinking. But the knot in my stomach is gone and my jaw is not so tight. It was a good decision.

    Thank you Marie♥

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousNovember 16, 2021 at 9:18 AM

    I think you absolutely made the right choice. Good for you! That's a hard thing to do when starting a new job. Take care there and stay safe. You'll find the right job.

    ReplyDelete
  4. BillNovember 16, 2021 at 11:06 AM

    There is something else on the horizon for you. You made the right decision, if not comfortable why stay. Onward you go, you'll be fine.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Debra She Who SeeksNovember 16, 2021 at 7:21 PM

    I think that was a wise decision. That workplace had bad vibes.

    ReplyDelete
  6. PixieNovember 16, 2021 at 7:29 PM

    Isn't there some form of protection for employees for disabilities? Something that would help a workplace accomodate your hearing loss?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Shari BurkeNovember 17, 2021 at 5:28 AM

    Totally the right decision! Your comment above about the knot in your stomach being gone and your jaw not so tight tells you so! I know the feeling and how hard it can be to make the right decision anyway. I'm glad for you! Now you're one step closer to whatever better situation is in your future. And I hope the hot bath helped.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Melinda from OntarioNovember 17, 2021 at 6:38 AM

    "Comfortable shoes and the freedom to leave are the two most important things in life."
    Shel Silverstein
    Good for you! We all have to leave sometimes and thank goodness we can.

    ReplyDelete
  9. JeanieNovember 18, 2021 at 1:11 PM

    Now you know for sure what is not acceptable, your personal limits, what you need. It's sad to have done that -- but I think for the best.

    ReplyDelete

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