Working was all I could do for awhile. I didn't sleep or eat. I certainly wasn't parenting or reaching out to friends. It was a dark time and I just couldn't find a door or even a cracked window. But I could work and work I did.
I took a client call, a gal I've know very surfacy for decades. She's educated, wise and witty. We talked once every 4 or 5 years, discuss a solution to a problem, and say our goodbyes. This time was different. Maybe she could tell by the tone of my voice. I'm not sure how she knew. but with her sweet, southern drawl she said, "So tell me dear, how ya doin?" I held my breath for a moment, trying to quell the coming downpour, trying to steel myself against the tide. She said something else, with a caring tone, I can't even remember what it was.
I told her I was doing ok. "Come on honey, what's on your heart?", she says. I didn't mean to say it, it was so unexpected. I didn't say my husband's an addict, gone off his rocker, cheated, lied and won't leave me alone. I didn't say I am scared for my kids, for what they saw and how they will heal. "I feel so silly but I just don't think I can do this without my mom."
"Aw baby, that's not silly. Do you know I am 73 years old. My mama is still alive and just the other day I sat, fully clothed, in the shower as I washed her. We were both crying. She doesn't want to be here and I don't want her to go. I know it looks dark but you'll find your way. But you're way stronger than you think honey.", says the woman who was an acquaintance but is now my friend.
I don't actually believe in angels like some people do, but I believe in the goodness of people who bother to connect and lend a hand when a mere hand will make all the difference.