I Promise You.....

You may have heard that 12 Step programs are based on attraction rather than promotion. I take that as meaning when you need them you will find them. They are not for everyone but, for some, it is a lifeline to a better life.

In ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics (or Dysfunction), there is a "Laundry List" of ACA traits that often apply to the adult child. One of them is #8. We became addicted to excitement. I personally don't think that is an apt description but OK, I'll go with it. For me, it meant that I would choose to get involved, butthurt when something is said, angry at a look that was given or crushed when something was forgotten and I held on to past hurts. I did those things and more.

To counter the Laundry List, we have The ACA Promises.

1. We will discover our real identities by loving and accepting ourselves.     2. Our self-esteem will increase as we give ourselves approval on a daily basis.     3. Fear of authority figures and the need to “people-please” will leave us.     4. Our ability to share intimacy will grow inside us.     5. As we face our abandonment issues, we will be attracted by strengths and become more tolerant of weaknesses.     6. We will enjoy feeling stable, peaceful, and financially secure.     7. We will learn how to play and have fun in our lives.     8. We will chose to love people who can love and be responsible for themselves.     9. Healthy boundaries and limits will become easier for us to set.     10. Fears of failures and success will leave us, as we intuitively make healthier choices.     11. With help from our ACA support group, we will slowly release our dysfunctional behaviors.     12. Gradually, with our Higher Power’s help, we learn to expect the best and get it.

All of the Promises aid in minimizing or healing Laundry List traits. While they all apply, #6 is one that I especially needed, since peace and stability were pretty scarce in my universe. I've got a rather healthy dose of both now and they are growing. Less and less do I need that old "excitement" which I would equate with DRAMA.

They call it Emotional Sobriety and I like it!

Comments

  1. Debra She Who SeeksSeptember 25, 2020 at 8:24 AM

    I'm familiar with the ACA "laundry list" but not with the list of promises -- it's great!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Marie SmithSeptember 25, 2020 at 8:59 AM

    I have known many people who do not know stability and peace in their lives. I could see it in school where there were some children who appeared to thrive on one crisis after another. They did not know how to cope with the opposite.

    ACA does great work helping people do the work in their lives to achieve stability, including financial and peace. And so much more. I wish everyone who needs the support can find it, including those children I knew back when...

    ReplyDelete
  3. anne marie in phillySeptember 25, 2020 at 12:34 PM

    #9 - 4 years of therapy helped me with that one. I will NOT tolerate ANYONE that does not respect me.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ColetteSeptember 25, 2020 at 1:48 PM

    I'm totally addicted to excitement. How interesting to discover it is an ACA trait. Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Shari BurkeSeptember 26, 2020 at 10:25 AM

    It is hard work to overcome our wounds, but it's so important. I have known too many people who tried to bury or run away from their pain and it never works. I learned that these people had a tendency to lash out, inflicting pain on others.

    ReplyDelete
  6. JeanieSeptember 26, 2020 at 7:42 PM

    These are all really good to consider, ACA or not. Thank you for sharing them.

    ReplyDelete

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