Back To The Start Again
This was my very first blog post 6 years ago today. I started it because I couldn't figure out how to move forward. I hadn't learned to breathe.
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To Start
How does one adjust from being a wife of 29 years to being alone? Slowly and compassionately I guess.
Slowly, because it is hard to fill so many hours that once belonged to a married couple. Waking, planning and falling asleep alone. Movies, shopping, travel and beach clean-ups were once done with my partner.....now I'm looking for others to fill that spot or go alone or maybe try to go but then just sit in my car feeling anxious, eating a meal alone and then returning home. Work is a balm....time spent not thinking, just doing.
Compassionately, because these feelings are okay, right? I'm allowed to take this time to mourn what I have lost, grieve the hole my heart, adjust my dreams and try to move forward. Having a good cry when Carly Simon sings Coming Around Again and I go back in time when 4 or 5 of us danced around the house together, singing at the top of our voices, so happy.... and then I tell myself, "That's OK honey. A few tears and then pull yourself together."
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Life has exceeded my hopes and dreams. My Invincible Summer is here in a way I never thought possible. Not in my kids, not in a man....those things augment the beauty and enrichen the flavor of life......instead it was there inside my heart, just as I has suspected. It has taken me awhile to get past the scars and wounds to find it, to find that whole person, worthy of love and connection, capable of kindness, and grateful for each new day.
"And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there's something stronger - something better, pushing right back."
~A Camus
You brought tears to my eyes this morning, Linda, tears of joy for your discovery of the strength within yourself. Well done!🙂
ReplyDeleteAw, thank you Marie♥ I've appreciate your support over the years.
Deletejust look at the difference in your writing! you have grown and changed, you love the woman you are, and others love you just the way you are. continue along the growth path, linda. reach out for help if you need it; after all, we are mere human beings. RISE!
ReplyDeleteThank you Anne Marie! I've loved being your blogging friend.
DeleteOh, this fills me with such joy. You have found your power. You have climbed up through the obstacles. You have found the "you" within you.
ReplyDeleteHappy Five Years on this blog. I'm glad to be a part of it.
I had a lot of help!!
DeleteHappy Blogoversary! Wishing you many more!
ReplyDeleteThank you my wise friend.
DeleteWhat a wonderful six years of change, so much happiness and dreams fulfilled. You've come a long way, and your story fills me with hope. Thank you for blogging!
ReplyDeleteThank you Robin. I feel full of hope too.
DeleteWhat a journey, I am so happy for you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Sabine. I can be hard to find joy when vertigo, lack of hearing and deafening tinnitus are involved. You showed me there are ways and that it is ok to be down (or heartbroken) but it important to "get back on the horse", as they say.
DeleteA wonderful way to celebrate your blog anniversay by looking back. You've come a long way from those days and made a big difference in your life. Congrats Linda, you deserve it.
ReplyDeleteThanks for being a part of the journey Bill. It's been interesting and hard but full of joy.
DeleteLovely. I'm happy for you. I remember when I left my husband I never imagined the life I have now either. Sending hugs.
ReplyDeleteAnd back at you Lily. I wish the best for both of us♥
DeleteHappy Blog Anniversary friend. I remember the beginning posts and knowing in my own heart how you felt and that you needed some love and support from this blogosphere. I am so happy that I found you here. hugs to you xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteMy friend from the beginning.....how grateful I have been to have you there. How happy I have been to watch you slowly find your joy too. You and Birdie have given me strength. I am grateful♥
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