The Spirit Is Willing But The Body Is............

This is the Boy Scouts birthday "weekend". That's his take on it. As a woman with 5 siblings and 4 grown children, honestly, I am birthday'd out. I don't give a rats ass about my own. Give me a card, tell me you love me and I'm good. Not so much him.

One of the things we are doing is celebrating a housewarming for our friends. The home they built is luxurious and in a gated community. It is located in the foothills of the small town of Ojai, which is known for its citrus, warmth (heat!) and interesting mix of good ol' boys, horse people, artists, intellectuals and spiritualists. Krishnamurti, with a decent following, lived and died in the town thats unofficial motto is "There's nothing to do in Ojai, and not enough time to do it."

This evening is complex for me for a few reasons. They drink, a bit too much sometimes and the gent starts to change. I don't like the more edgy, slightly belligerent conversations and feel my anxiety rising just writing about it. Additionally, they are POOL focused. While I understand how nice a pool would be if living in Ojai, I'm not much of a pool person. Chlorine dries me up to a wrinkled prune and makes my eyes itch, the hair thing is just a pain .....and.....finally the bathing suit.

I didn't have one, so reluctantly, I stopped at the local suit shop to pick one up (as if it was as easy as that). I felt myself shut down the minute I walked in. This 56 year old body has changed in the last three years and I am having trouble loving it. A lot of trouble.  Seeing it in a suit is way down low on my "Won't that be fun" list. Admittedly, I had a good cry in the car.  

I want to be a good sport. 

Right now, I am thinking of throwing the overpriced suit in the trash and saying "fuck it", I'll just watch you guys from the edge. We will see.

Self love Linda. That body of yours has birthed 4 beautiful humans, has run more miles than you could count, supported you through thick and thin, kept you breathing when breathing hurt and has allowed you to hold the people you love. Love it...love the now dimpled legs that took you running, love the tiny breasts that are too small to sag, love the crepey skin on your arms. love those wrinkles on your face. You earned them.

Stop assessing your vessel from a warped society's' point of view and love this beautiful, hardworking bod. Stop listening as you and your sisters are critique and advised: She's not hard on the eye's (oh, does that mean we others are?), You should smile more (because why?), Nothings better than having a nice piece of ass on my arm (thank you Mr President), Is that what you're wearing? (You betcha!)

I keep trying.....