It's A Waiting Game

Discouragement is raining on my parade today. It's ok. I can handle it but I wish it away soon.

This dance of being a couple in our late 50's is not an easy one. You would think all the dance lessons we took in the first 50 years would come in handy but, alas, they seem to hinder more than help. I sometimes wonder if I have been just a little too wounded to be able to maintain a healthy coupling. Little things, small reminders of the past, can surprise me. Sort of like being unexpectedly shoved roughly by a stranger, causing an off balance and the grasping of anything for support. The anythings can be a problem.

It's not the old rages. Those are mostly gone. But it is still a part of me I don't care for much. 

Why can't I relax? Why still so hypervigilant? 

Trust. It's all about trust.

When will I learn to trust me?

All in good time I suppose, so in the meanwhile, how about some patience?

Comments

  1. JeanieJune 18, 2020 at 9:28 AM

    I wish I could offer solutions. I'm not in the position to do that and I'm not sure who is except you. I think you've got your head on pretty straight and will look at all parts of this -- your parts, his parts, your combined parts -- and figure it out. Trust is hard. But it's worth the try.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Silver in AZJune 18, 2020 at 10:16 AM

    If I had $5 for every time I hold this husband "sorry you are having to deal with my old baggage", we'd have paid for a lovely trip to Vegas. You'll get there. Although I'm sure my baggage wasn't nearly as traumatic as yours seems to have been. It's PTSD, sweetie. Hugs to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda devJune 18, 2020 at 4:44 PM

      So good to have you back. I’ve missed your wisdom.

      Delete
  3. BillJune 18, 2020 at 11:21 AM

    I could use a dose of patience too. :)

    You asked if we are liking our new town, we love it! Lots of trails around and of course the water. I love being by the water.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Debra She Who SeeksJune 18, 2020 at 11:45 AM

    Everything and everyone is a work in progress, unfortunately.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Linda devJune 18, 2020 at 4:44 PM

      Yes but it’s good to be reminded. Thank you.

      Delete
  5. anne marie in phillyJune 18, 2020 at 3:34 PM

    it takes time to get over deep hurts. patience, grasshopper.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Margaret (Peggy or Peg too)June 19, 2020 at 6:55 AM

    I don't know that I ever got over 100% of my baggage. One would hope it gets lighter but it's always there. Well I should say for me it is. Maybe I haven't done enough of the work as you have. Maybe I just never will. I no longer have it as a big boulder I can't move though. But it's still there the little shit. I just try, not always successfully, to not let it define me, but it is there always bubbling just under the service and sometimes hard to keep at bay.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Marie SmithJune 19, 2020 at 6:56 AM

    It takes time to let go. Be patient with yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  8. My life so farJune 19, 2020 at 11:15 AM

    It does take time to trust. A long time.

    Another thing I read the other day is you can't forgive others until you forgive yourself. It rang true for me.

    ReplyDelete

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