Who Gave It To You
I am reading a book called Motherless Daughters. So far, I find it is touching parts of me that I have tidily put away. I wasn't a child when I lost my mother but the child inside of me still needed her. That part that couldn't quite grow up, that piece that didn't trust the world or herself.I think of some of my friends who lost their mothers young or whose mothers were not able to be mothers for whatever reason and I ache for them even though, a few in particular, are incredibly strong women; far more well adapted for this world than I am. I remember my sister telling me that when a friend asked her about her family, she, without any forethought and with utter surprise, said, "I am an orphan". She was 55 and 57 when my parents died.
I still miss my mom, 10 years on, but through counseling and ACA and healing, I don't sit in it and feel like I need her to come save me, hold me and comfort me in my pain. Now I miss her dear friendship and one of the few true sources of unconditional love.
I am grateful for these feelings of loss. Not everyone is fortunate to have the sacred memories of a loving parent. For those who don't, I hope the universe provided for you in a meaningful way. I think of one blogging friend who is able to give that beautiful, unconditional love to herself...she amazes me.
Never had that in my life, so happy for you that you did...(This is was lovely to read, thank you.)
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by.
DeleteI had a great mother. She was a terrible driver but managed to stop a car which had lost its brakes on a hill. She had two passengers in the car with her and didn’t injure them, herself or anyone else. We could never understand how she did it. She didn’t know! She prayed the whole way down the hill without alerting the passengers. Maybe she was a better driver than we thought?
ReplyDeleteWow 😮. A guardian angel maybe?
DeleteI've read that book. I like it a lot. Mine? Well, she came to every play I was in. As many times as possible. She was my biggest cheerleader. She (and my dad) also made a hard decision when I was young and that was to move our family out of a relatively affluent school district to one that was more diverse because she knew it was important for me to know all kinds of people and to know that there were good people who may be of a different race, have more (or less) money, not have a nuclear family. But good people who should be part of my life. I didn't want to move (I was 10, who wants to move when they are 10?) but it was the wisest thing she ever did. And perhaps her greatest gift.
ReplyDeleteThat is a beautiful story. And what a wise decision.
Deletemy maternal grandmother was the mom I never had. she loved me and encouraged me; my own mother was cold and unfeeling.
ReplyDeleteI’m glad there was someone. I wonder what happened to you mother that made her that way.
DeleteI remember my mom always waving as we went off to school. We walked and as we left our house, I would turn around and mom would be standing in the window watching and waving. She always did that every school day for years probably until I graduated. You never know when things come to an end but they do but I'll always remember that. :)
ReplyDeleteThat is incredibly tender and sweet Bill. As a mom, I love the idea of seeing them off with a wave, letting know I love them.
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ReplyDeleteMy mom died when I was 13yrs old. My sister made fun of me because I'd rather be in the house with her than play outside most days. I am glad I did. I have all those memories that my poor little sister does not have. My favorite memory was my mom's love of books and learning. We went to the library together in the summer. My sister would stay behind and the neighbor would watch her since she played with her daughter. My sister would say, But it's summer why do you want to read? I still laugh at that. Mom and I would go to the library and then lunch together. I know my mom was trying to compensate for her lack of education. She was the oldest and had to quit school in 11th grade to help as her brothers went off to war. She gave me my love of books. I have lots of great memories of those few years. But her death effects me now more than it even did when I was 13. Crazy huh?
ReplyDeleteOne summer when my Auntie Pearl was visiting, we all went to the fair. Auntie Pearl loved bingo so mum and Auntie Pearl went to the bingo tent. This was back in the seventies. Either mum or Auntie Pearl had almost a full card, only one more number needed when somebody called Bingo! Auntie Pearl said shit, very loudly and both her and my mum couldn't stop laughing. Mum always laughed a lot when Auntie Pearl was around. I loved seeing my mum laugh.
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