A Spiritual Experience in Adult Children of Alcoholics

ACA wasn't my first walk with 12 Steps. After hitting my bottom, where I lost my marriage, my home, my security and my dreams, I made my way to an Al-Anon meeting. My hopes were that it would help me to get over my anger. My motivation was that I did not want my kids to lose the father that they knew to mental illness and addiction, only to lose their mom to bitterness and spite. I didn't really go for me.

That program took me far enough to find forgiveness for the man but it didn't touch on the guilt and shame I carried for myself.

A counselor had been suggesting ACA for a good long while and, finally, my heart opened enough to give it a try. I went once and quickly left. I judged and felt ill at ease and did not go back for a few months. I just wasn't ready. Eventually, my higher power, my conscience, the universe...something kept telling me to get back in there. How I feared it. Feared baring myself to strangers.

I went and, after awhile, I was able to openly admit to some of my darkest secrets. The kind of things I kept hidden for fear I would be abandoned. No one shamed me for that or for the feelings that erupted when I least expected. They just supported and reminded me they were glad I was there.

I never dreamed I would be one of the travelers that sat before meetings, laughing and joking, being a part of. But my HP slowly prodded, reminding me that I earned my place at the table, gently urging me to reach out.

Somewhere it said I needed to be reminded of why I entered the rooms. I don't need reminder. This is how I am surviving. I am not an old dog on low calorie dog food, nor am I a middle aged dog on maintenance food. I am still eating Puppy Chow in large volumes. Every day being a surprised when peace is the first feeling I register in the morning. And gratitude, the overriding feeling of gratitude. My HP asks me to find the good....to wear a new pair of glasses, and I do my best.

Comments

  1. ColetteOctober 7, 2019 at 6:09 AM

    Beautiful! Reading about your experiences with Al-Anon and ACA means so much to me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LindaOctober 7, 2019 at 6:23 AM

      Thank you for reading Colette. I appreciate you being here.

      Delete
  2. Margaret (Peggy or Peg too)October 7, 2019 at 7:24 AM

    Linda, I am glad this has opened you up the way you feel you needed. This is a beautiful post.

    ReplyDelete
  3. BillOctober 7, 2019 at 12:19 PM

    You've come a long way since that first meeting!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Marie SmithOctober 7, 2019 at 1:15 PM

    You’ve made such progress, Linda!

    ReplyDelete
  5. JeanieOctober 8, 2019 at 11:27 AM

    I am so glad you found this group and were receptive to how it could help heal so many years. You are a wonderful advocate for it, too.

    ReplyDelete
  6. SabineOctober 10, 2019 at 12:21 PM

    You have been on a long journey. I am happy for you that it lead to this.

    ReplyDelete

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