A Spiritual Experience in Adult Children of Alcoholics

ACA wasn't my first walk with 12 Steps. After hitting my bottom, where I lost my marriage, my home, my security and my dreams, I made my way to an Al-Anon meeting. My hopes were that it would help me to get over my anger. My motivation was that I did not want my kids to lose the father that they knew to mental illness and addiction, only to lose their mom to bitterness and spite. I didn't really go for me.

That program took me far enough to find forgiveness for the man but it didn't touch on the guilt and shame I carried for myself.

A counselor had been suggesting ACA for a good long while and, finally, my heart opened enough to give it a try. I went once and quickly left. I judged and felt ill at ease and did not go back for a few months. I just wasn't ready. Eventually, my higher power, my conscience, the universe...something kept telling me to get back in there. How I feared it. Feared baring myself to strangers.

I went and, after awhile, I was able to openly admit to some of my darkest secrets. The kind of things I kept hidden for fear I would be abandoned. No one shamed me for that or for the feelings that erupted when I least expected. They just supported and reminded me they were glad I was there.

I never dreamed I would be one of the travelers that sat before meetings, laughing and joking, being a part of. But my HP slowly prodded, reminding me that I earned my place at the table, gently urging me to reach out.

Somewhere it said I needed to be reminded of why I entered the rooms. I don't need reminder. This is how I am surviving. I am not an old dog on low calorie dog food, nor am I a middle aged dog on maintenance food. I am still eating Puppy Chow in large volumes. Every day being a surprised when peace is the first feeling I register in the morning. And gratitude, the overriding feeling of gratitude. My HP asks me to find the good....to wear a new pair of glasses, and I do my best.

Comments

  1. ColetteOctober 7, 2019 at 6:09 AM

    Beautiful! Reading about your experiences with Al-Anon and ACA means so much to me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LindaOctober 7, 2019 at 6:23 AM

      Thank you for reading Colette. I appreciate you being here.

      Delete
  2. Margaret (Peggy or Peg too)October 7, 2019 at 7:24 AM

    Linda, I am glad this has opened you up the way you feel you needed. This is a beautiful post.

    ReplyDelete
  3. BillOctober 7, 2019 at 12:19 PM

    You've come a long way since that first meeting!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Marie SmithOctober 7, 2019 at 1:15 PM

    You’ve made such progress, Linda!

    ReplyDelete
  5. JeanieOctober 8, 2019 at 11:27 AM

    I am so glad you found this group and were receptive to how it could help heal so many years. You are a wonderful advocate for it, too.

    ReplyDelete
  6. SabineOctober 10, 2019 at 12:21 PM

    You have been on a long journey. I am happy for you that it lead to this.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

What do you have to say about that?

Popular posts from this blog

Private Eye

Image
We pass by the house frequently since it sits on a busy thoroughfare. We know to look every time we pass and guess what will we see. Will it be the two Dalmatians, sitting on the couch that backs up to the giant panel window, waiting for their human to come home? Or will it be their human, sitting slightly to the right of middle (allowing for a better view of the giant mounted tv across the room) of the said couch. They are never there at the same time. It’s one or the other. One sleepless night, when my body was willing but my brain was not, I did a little sleuthing. It’s amazing what you can find out about a complete stranger.   His name is Gary and, from what I can tell, he’s never been married. He has worked his way up in a air duct company. He’s now the senior VP but it’s a small company and he still goes out on jobs, judging from  the reviews on Yelp. I know he has two siblings and that their father passed away in 2018. His memorial was held in a Buddhist temple and Gary sr. soun
Read more

Go!

Image
 Vai. E, se der medo, vai con medo mesmo. When one is raised in an angry family, it’s not enough to say I don’t want to be angry. You must learn how to do it differently. That’s no easy task. If judgment and self hatred became a way of life, a new way to live has to be taught. There are many ways to do it. Reading, writing, sharing, practicing all help the change. Counseling, psychoanalysis, religion, meditation, gratitude, have the ability to transform but I needed to see it in action, it needed to be more tangible, visual, accessible. I needed to understand the possibilities. There is a YouTube channel that I watch over and over again in order to absorb how to live more fully, more open and from the heart. One of the first episodes that I stumbled on is this…. The channel is Reflections of Life and through it we get to meet people who are doing life a little differently, often more soul based. People who are living life, healing wounds and finding what is truly important.  It can be
Read more

Let's Be Perfectly Clear

I would like your input on this letter I am considering sending out. Darryl, I once considered you, if not a friend, a very friendly acquaintance. Our daughters are the same age. I am sure that your daughter is as special to you as mine is to me. McKenna is 21 years old and starting out her life with some tough situations. SHE IS NOT AN OBJECT. She is a person who has her ups and downs, her struggles and triumphs. She has, in the past year, completely alone, had to make scary medical decisions for her mentally ill, addicted father. She has had to watch as the man who was an amazing father slowly turn into a shell of a man who has little to give and much to take. Whether purposefully or accidentally, you have added to her already difficult year. I wonder…would you appreciate my ex-husband leering and making inappropriate comments to your daughter over the course of a long evening? Think about that for a moment!  What were you hoping to achieve with your behavior? Whether
Read more