Parts Are Parts

My father-in-law was a nice man, a generally good guy. Mostly genial and subdued, he held tightly to his conservative values in a way many of his generation did. Not necessarily keeping himself up-to-date with issues but often just reiterating the same old rhetoric. Democrats love big government, increased national debt and a create big welfare state. It was his right to believe it, I never argued with him.

Obama was voted in the year my oldest son could vote for the first time. My boy was thrilled and couldn’t wait to pop his first chad. My father-in-law, not so much. He died before Obama left office but I’m guessing he probably would be a Trump supporter even now. Unfortunately, mimicking the way he was raised, he called Obama a monkey on a few occasions. I had never heard words like that come out of him before. I was left to explain to our shocked kids how some people choose to live in the past and how the elderly can, at times, lose their filters. They loved their grandfather and his language confused, hurt or maybe just disappointed.

It is hard to keep quiet when a loved one espouses values that dehumanizes people because of their skin color or for any other reason. He was in his 80's when this happened. He was fragile and we all suspected we would be losing him soon. I said nothing.

We did lose his soon after. In his PJ's, in his house in Nevada with his dog, he sat on the side of the bed and died. I am reminded by the Boy Scout that there are many parts of us and sometimes, within those many parts, is a part we don't like so much. We have to choose how we deal with that one part when the other parts are the person we love.

Boogie served his country honorably, tried to be a good father and husband and loved his family. I loved that man even though there was a part I didn't like at all.

Comments

  1. Marie SmithAugust 30, 2019 at 7:39 AM

    My FIL was the same. We often argued but it got me nowhere. I had a long conversation with our daughter about what her grandfather said and left the room when he said anything. He finally stopped saying things around me. I knew who he was but I loved him anyway, the other parts of him anyway..

    Maybe there was a better way to handle it but it was a battle I wasn’t going to win with confrontation and I wasn’t going to change his mind.

    ReplyDelete
  2. JeanieAugust 30, 2019 at 8:08 AM

    Oh, yes. Good people but sometimes we just don't agree -- and sometimes on the big things. We can love but recognize it's not all perfect. It's a dance I think we all walk in one way or another every day.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Margaret (Peggy or Peg too)August 30, 2019 at 8:48 AM

    I understand this to well.
    Have a wonderful holiday Linda.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Debra She Who SeeksAugust 30, 2019 at 10:09 AM

    Yes, I understand this dilemma too. People were raised in different times, with different values. The best of them grow with the times. The rest don't.

    ReplyDelete
  5. BillAugust 30, 2019 at 10:47 AM

    There are always parts of people we struggle with but we still love them regardless. I never understood my father and some of the things he said. He passed on when I was 21 and he was 69. It was hard for both of us to get along.
    Have a wonderful weekend, Linda.

    ReplyDelete
  6. anne marie in phillyAugust 30, 2019 at 11:28 AM

    I don't speak with relatives on my side/spouse's side due to their ignorance/racism/xenophobia. not worth my time or energy. ain't missing anything either.

    ReplyDelete

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